One of the greatest battles a man can fight among himself is the battle between his mind and his heart. While the heart supplies the fuel for a man's flights of fancy daring him to do things he never thought he would, the mind would take the safe logical step which would look almost cowardly. Ah... the affairs of the heart; love... hate... romance... passion... TO HELL WITH THEM!!! DAMN THEN ALL!!! (I would much rather use the F word but I shall not)
Meeting up with a long lost friend is always done with anticipation, wondering how he or she has been doing all those years you guys were out of contact. But meeting up with a long lost friend that you once had liked is a different story. (Yeah yeah, I can almost hear the whooting and the teasing now.) Yes, for those of you who did not know, Eugene (the writer of this blog) is a guy with his fair share of crushes on girls. A close lady friend of mind advised against the meeting saying basically that this whole "affairs of the heart" and "old flame" thing is too difficult to predict. I might just do something really foolish and stupid.
But is has been years since I saw her, surely the feelings would have died down by now, surely God given logic and reason would prevail as it did years ago telling me that we are not really suited for each other. Boy was I wrong. During the whole time I was with her at lunch, the old feelings begin to surface again, my heart was pulling me to one side with my mind pulling me to another, the battle lines were drawn, war had began and I was in on man's land.
I spent a great deal of effort keeping my feelings in check and with the frustration building up as the lunch went on, it required an even greater effort to keep my feelings in check. It just became a vicious cycle which went on and on. The way I see it is this, I can either divorce myself from all logic and reason and just go for it (which would be suicidal) or I should follow logic and reason and never see her again. But I believe that God wants me to maintain the friendship without letting it go to the next level. So I think my only option is to do my best to keep my feelings in check and let "sleeping dragons lie" as they say. If this is what God wants me to do then I am sure he would help me. But sleeping dragons have a way of being awakened by the occasional knight in shinning armour trying to save his damsel in distress. If that happens then...
The bottomline is this, whatever happens, it would be a difficult journey for me to discipline my heart and get it in control. God help me
Friday, November 16, 2007
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