DON'T PANIC!!!

Love

2009-10-08T22:02:00.004+08:00

I have not updated this blog for a long time as far as personal happenings in my life are concerned. But a lot of things has happened since I last updated and I actually intended to update sooner. So to cut the long story short, I went through a lot of drafts to get to this update and that is what caused the delay.

First let me say this, I am engaged and getting married! No, it is not a prank or a joke, I am dead serious about this. Before I even proposed I had already thought long and hard about what love is and what yardstick to go by when measuring it. I love my fiancee and there is nothing I will not do for her if it is within my power but love is many things to many people. So what is the yardstick for me when it comes down to it? Who do I compare myself to when I want to know if I am on the right track?

Anyone who is married or has been in a wedding ceremony before has at least basic knowledge of the wedding vows, "to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part... etc" Though those vows are written by men, I believe God will hold you accountable to them should you undertake to fulfil them. But people have rarely brought up what the Apostle Paul wrote about marriage. The part that struck me the most is:

"Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"
Ephesians 5:25

I believe Paul's point is this, taking my view from a husband to be's perspective. The yardstick of a husband's love for his wife is Jesus Christ. A husband should love his wife the way Christ loves the church and what did Christ do for the church? Christ died for the church. So far, I have done my best to make my fiancee feel loved and cared for only hoping that it will be enough or that I have done enough and I must say that Paul's point about a husband's love has given me pause.

Bottomline is this, will I be willing to die for my fiancee? OK, maybe that is a little morbid. Lol! The point is once I get married, my wife must take priority over me. I must consider her more important than me. I must love her more than I love myself and that is something I must do for the rest of my life! It is a huge mindset change to consider someone else's life more important than your own but according to Paul, that is what is expected of a husband because that is how much Christ loved the church.

All this talk begs the question. Am I there yet? Do I live up to Paul's standard? I don't know, I can say yes but talk is cheap. So I will let my actions speak for me. All I know is this, I love my fiancee much more than I have ever loved anything or anyone else in this world whether past or present and I will aspire to live up to Paul's standard of a husband's love. Dear, if you are reading this. I LOVE U!!!!! :-*

Interesting Video

2009-10-02T23:11:00.002+08:00

This is a video I am going to post and just let you decide. Is this guy a loon? Or does he make some sense? Feel free to post here all your thoughts about him.

Ok, a bit of intro here. His name is Pat Condell. He posts often on YouTube. This particular one is called "The Arrogance Of Clergy."

Food for thought.

Thankfulness

2009-07-23T23:24:00.003+08:00

Okay, I am not so sure if that is a word but it sort of expresses what I want to say in this post. I do not pretend to know God's Will for my life or whether i am following it. How does one know anyway? In following God's Will, some people have suffered greatly while others prospered greatly. So is God's Will for my life the suffering kind or the prospering kind? (I sure hope it is the latter. Lol!). How do I know I am following His Will? Is it when things go wrong or when things go well in my life?

All along in my life, I have taken a very passive "go with the flow" kind of attitude. Mostly sorting out things for myself and making the sensible choice when needed. Sure, one must always consult God for guidance and wisdom when making a decision. The problem is that some people always expect answers clearly stating what needs to be done from steps 1 to 10. I don't think that is how God does things all the time.

I remember when I was still in my old church years ago. A leader once told me that sometimes God gives us the wisdom to sort things out for ourselves. At times, a lot of decisions we have to make are pretty straightforward and logical and God does not need to come in the form of a "burning bush" to tell us what to do. If you were to put it in perspective, what would you do if God really does appear to you that way? Moses' first reply to God was to ask Him to send somebody else into Egypt instead of him. What would be your reply to God if He really does appear before you?

There are a lot of things I do not know about my christian walk or what God has in mind for my life. It is not a perfect life and I have come to regret certain decisions that I have made, I am sure I have strayed on more than one location and screwed up certain things badly. But through it all, I feel blessed. Whether or not I have strayed or tolled the line, God has seen it fit to bless me because of His grace and mercy. I still have a roof over my head, good health for me and my loved ones, food to eat and money to buy the things I need and want. I thank God for the little things in life. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to downplay miracles here, but I have learnt that when all things are considered equal it is the above-mentioned "little things" that are the most fragile, mostly taken for granted and most easily taken away.

I thank God that His blessings and how much of it He gives are not proportional to how closely I follow His Will. If not, most of us might be in deep shit already. I guess God will reveal His Will bit by bit to me when the time comes. But in the mist of that, I am thankful that I am blessed and even when things go wrong, there is still a lot to be thankful for.

Focus

2009-06-20T00:56:00.002+08:00

My initial focus when I first got out of the army was to get a job, stabilize my income and try to look after myself financially. Enjoying my job and not being a burden to others was my main aim. But now, things have changed. Things are not going well economically and good jobs are few and far between. I now feel that there is less of a point pursuing a stable career now for a guy my age because the pay off will not be there during these tough times.

I feel blessed that I now have a stable job and income, a loving and caring family and a girlfriend who loves and cares about me. I acknowledge that there are many others that are worse off. But with that said, I now feel compelled to take my degree course. A bachelor's in electronics engineering to me exact, I remember making an enquiry on the same course about two and a half years ago only to find out that I lack the job experience needed for the course at that time. Now, having fulfilled the minimum criteria, I have made the decision to enrol.

Of course, it is still early days yet and success of my enrollment is subject to certain things beyond my control. Things like bank study loans and acceptance by the university etc... But I must think about what is involved. I am prepared to make the commitment and do whatever necessary to complete the course but I must think about others who will be inevitably affected by my commitment. For example, I might not be able to contribute as much money to my family as before. Time management would also be an issue as a huge chunk of my time will be devoted to my studies (this one girlfriend must understand... lol!!!) and etc...

I must admit that 3 years of mixing it up in the job market has left me without the drive to study, but I feel I have to bite the bullet because I believe nobody can doubt the necessity of education. Sure there are risks involved, the financial undertaking is huge and there are always unforeseen consequences, but life was never meant to be comfortable for too long. My only prayer is that my loved ones will understand and bear with me in the coming 2 - 3 years to come. The free lunches stop here, the real work begins now.

Fundamentals

2009-06-07T22:12:00.003+08:00

Okay I know the title is a bit cryptic but if you guys are observant, you just might get it. It has been a crazy few months, I have changed my job, invested in a small business and I even struck 4D! Ha ha ha! The fundamentals of my life has changed dramatically, my day to day schedule has begun settling down to a new routine and I relish the new challenges that comes with this new job and life.

With these changes come new obstacles, chances and new relationships as well. Dynamics of old relationships will be changed too, an unavoidable fact of life. It is strange and disorienting to see your close friends turn to total strangers and vice versa when you make changes to your life. Should I allow the change? Or hold fast to old loyalties even if some of them has become destructive? Well I guess when deciding things like that we need God's guidance. Some people are meant to stay with you for a season while others are meant to stay with you for life.

And of course, with all changes there will be friction and strains in relationships. Maybe because my friends think that i am making mistakes in my decisions or doing something wrong and are angry at me for being so dumb. In the mists of that, hurtful and unnecessary things are said and stupid things are done. All I have to say is this. I have recently been on the receiving end of a very hurtful comment and a foolish thing was done without my prior knowledge that affected me very personally. All these were done by friends that I did not expect would do or say stuff like that. It hurts, it really does.

No doubt my friends are well meaning enough to show their concern but come on guys, I don't need you to tell me what I should do. I just need your support. If anything, just showing your support would take less effort than the things you guys have done so far so I am sure it is not too much to ask. No judgements, no lectures, just friendship, that is all I ask

Actions

2009-05-18T21:04:00.002+08:00

I must express my disappointment with actions of certain Christians that tried an undercover coup of a certain women's social rights group in Singapore. Why did they do that? Well, because they felt that the group was trying too hard to drive a homosexual agenda. Although there is no doubt about what God says about homosexuals and how the Singapore society feels about them so keep that in mind while I make a few points.

Firstly, any student of Christian history or any Christian for that matter should learn a huge gigantic lesson when looking back into our Christian heritage. POLITICS AND RELIGION DON'T MIX!!!! I am not entirely sure what they tried to accomplish but I thank God that it was put to a stop.

Secondly, I was quite taken aback by the manner they tried to takeover. It was planned carefully and with cunning. My guess is that they secretly hope that no one will realise what they were doing before it was too late. I just have one question. Is that the way we Christians should behave?

Lastly, if we really want to promote what we feel are good family values. We should PROVE they are good and they benefit mankind as a whole. How can we justify that our values are the best when half of heterosexual relationships fail? Or when normal families also can be abusive or dysfunctional? It is only natural that people will try to look for a better way. Come on guys, if we really feel that our Christian values are the values that work, lets prove it. No need to take over a social rights group to prove a point. It will only damage what we are trying so hard to achieve

Desafinado

2009-04-26T23:10:00.002+08:00

Desafinado mean "out of tune"

If you say my singing is off key, my love
You would hurt my feelings, don't you see, my love
I wish I had an ear like yours, a voice that would behave
All I have is feeling and the voice God gave
You insist my music goes against the rules
Yes, but rules were never made for lovesick fools
I wrote this song for you don't care
It's a crooked song, ah, but my heart is there
The thing that you would see if you would play the part
Is even if I'm out of tume I have a gentle heart
I took your picture with my trusty Rolleiflex
And now all I have developed is complex
Possibly in vain, I hope you weaken, oh my love
And forget those rigid rules that undermine my dream of
A life of love and music with someone who'll understand
That even though I may be out of tune when I attempt to say
How much I love you all that matters is the message that I bring,
Which is, my dear, I love you

30th April

2009-04-26T22:59:00.001+08:00

Come 30th April, the gloves are off... It is going to be make it or break it. Lets pray that I make it

Random Thoughts

2009-04-20T23:48:00.000+08:00

There is a fine line between asking for more and being content with what you have. When is it appropriate to ask for more and when it is prudent to be content? Is it too much to leave your job just because you are not satisfied with it? Especially now when a job is so hard to get.

I mean, who cares about job satisfaction, I’ve financial obligations and I need the monthly salary, money does not grow on trees you know. So I will work just for the pay and jump ship the moment I have something better. This begs the question, is such an existence worth living? Where is that sense of life? Are we really created to do things like that? What is the point?

Some would say we have to be pragmatic, things don’t always work out the way we want. We all have ideas about what our life should be and it is normal to fall short (really?). Because reality will creep in with loan repayments, mortgages, insurance and a whole lot of other stuff we need that requires money and we need to work for money. And that is how things get complicated.

I guess it boils down to what we work for. Some work to support the family they love, even if the job sucks they will stick with it because they are working for their families, that is a good reason. Some work to fulfill their dreams, whether it is earning lots of money, buying that dream car or home, those reasons are valid too. Some of these people will work even though they do not enjoy it because the money is good and they can get the things they want. Then what is my reason? Is that asking for too much to work for a reason other than money?

My guess is that most people will say, “yes.” They might say that I am being too idealistic. I should appreciate what I have, there are lots of people much worse off than me and that I am being too greedy, I should be happy to have a job in the first place. So where do we draw the line? How is the balance struck between ambition and pragmatism? Were you expecting an answer? Or at least my point of view? I don’t have one. Read the title :P. I am still trying to figure this shit out. Life is full of difficult decisions, that is what makes it so “fun.” God help me

Logic

2009-04-15T21:04:00.000+08:00

Logic has always been a mistress with very little compromise. We are bounded by it. It dictates our actions, our motives even our likes and dislikes. No matter how crazy or sensible a person’s logic is, the person will stick to it to the very end. Don’t believe me? Just take a look at the Islamic terrorist that blow themselves up, they might seem crazy to you but rest assure that it is their stone cold logic that guides their actions. In short, blowing themselves up with dozens of other people makes perfect sense to them.

Logic would dictate that in times of economic crisis, people will try their best to hold on to their jobs with all the retrenchments going on. They would try to ride out the storm before looking for better opportunities out there when things begin to pick up. They would refrain from overly risky investments in light of a volatile market. It makes perfect sense does it not? I can understand why this logic appeals to most people, it is the safe and responsible thing to do.

Unfortunately, I do not go by such a logic, and as stated above, I have very little room for compromise. With things going on in my company, the logical thing for me to do (as I see it) is to leave even if I don’t have a job offer at the moment. On top of that, I am sinking some of my savings into an investment that has considerable risks with no guaranteed return. Sometimes, I really think that I have lost my marbles, but I don’t think I have a choice in the matter because I think that it is the logical thing to do. Logic need not be sane.

Of course the logical Christian thing to do is to pray about it and look for God’s guiding light, but I believe I don’t need a “burning bush” moment for every decision I make in life. Sometimes you just have to do it when it feels right. But this will beg the question, “what happens if it all falls apart?” Do I expect God to bail me out? I would answer, “No.”

One of the thing I am honestly quite fed up with is what I call the “human sense of entitlement.” We believe that just because of who we are, we are entitled to certain benefits. For example, just because we are a citizen of a certain country, we are entitled to free medical care or social safety nets even if it costs the government billions of dollars and hurting the economy. In truth, we are entitled to nothing. We were born in the world naked, we leave naked. What we want in the world, we must earn and deserve. Sad to say, this is true even for love. But how does God fit into this you might ask.

Well… God is sovereign, He has free will to choose what to do. Hypothetic speaking, if God chose not to send Christ to die for us, it is entirely within His right. My point is that although God can choose to bail us out when we run into trouble, we cannot assume that we are entitled to it just because we are a Christian. God in His sovereignty might choose to allow us to fall. Sound pretty bleak doesn’t it, but I cannot assume that I will walk my Christian walk without some bumps and bruises. That would be illogical.

So the conclusion of the matter is this. Humans can’t live without logic in this world, no matter how insane or sensible the logic sounds, or even if it is based on a lie. But no matter what I do, I know one thing. God did send His Son to die for me, even though I was grossly undeserving of such an act. Logically, it would be difficult to take something like that for granted. That is logic that I can abide by.

Atlas Shrugged

2009-04-07T21:26:00.003+08:00

Even in these troubled times, people are buying books to read. Curiously, a book I bought and read 5 years ago is making its way up the bestseller list again. The book is "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand. (Yes, you heard me talk about her before.)

Written more than 50 years ago, it depicts an America where economically successful people were "penalised" through government regulations and taxation so that the less successful people can get what they need. Almost like a "Robin Hood" system, take from the successful and give to the unsuccessful. Much like what is happening in the USA now, with all the bailouts and massive spending to keep unsuccessful companies afloat.

Unfortunately, the successful people in Rand's book had enough of such a system. So they went on strike, refusing to contribute anymore to a world they know would not allow them their just rewards. And since it is the successful people that "run the world," the entire world collapses without them.

The reason why this book is beginning to sell again is because it seemed to have saw the current economic crisis coming 50 years ago. So people are now looking for answers in the book. Although I feel that there are still some differences between the book and the current reality we are in, I believe Ayn Rand still makes a good and very powerful point in the book. Especially the point about how a man must ultimately work for his own happiness and no one Else's. Really does make you think.

Read the book, perhaps we can have a good discussion later.... lol

Joao Gilberto and Antonio Carlos Jobim - Chega de Saudade

2009-03-28T21:43:00.002+08:00

What can I say, the masters at work :). The original bossa in its purest form.

Dance

2009-03-14T22:04:00.004+08:00

As some of you might know, I have been taking up dance lessons. The 2 kinds of dances I am taking up now are called "Bachata" and "Salsa" both of which have their roots in Latin America. In order to address the blur looks I get when I tell people what dances I am taking up (cause they really don't know), I have decided to put up a couple of showcase dances on this post that basically show what the dances are about. Yo guys! If any of you are interested, let me know ok? Will intro you to the places I am learning from now. Enjoy!

This is Bachata

And this is Salsa

Nietzsche

2009-02-22T20:17:00.002+08:00

I know I promised something on Nietzsche, but I got lazy :) So I am letting a well made documentary do the trick. The documentary does serve to clarify a few things.

1) Was Nietzsche nationalistic?
2) What did he really mean when he said that God was dead?
3) Did he intend for his philosophy of the "Overman" to be used by the Nazis in the way it was used?
4) And finally after all that hoo haa, Was he actually significant in the history of philosophy?

I believe all the above questions are answered in the documentary. One question that is not answered though is what is your reaction to it as a christian? Think on that for a moment after watching it. Enjoy!

Part 1 of 6

Part 2 of 6

Part 3 of 6

Part 4 of 6

Part 5 of 6

Part 6 of 6

Still Alive

2009-02-08T21:24:00.002+08:00

Yes! In case anybody was wondering, I am still alive, here some updates on what I am doing. Despite the economy situation, everything for me seems to be more or less stable. In fact, I am actually doing a job search now, not that I dislike my current job but I now feel like doing something more hands-on, something where my technical skills can be put to good use. But I am really in no real hurry to change though, currently asking to God for guidance now and taking my options as they come. If God see fit that I should change, I believe a door will open despite the bad economy.

This might come as a surprise to some but I am also taking salsa dance classes now and I am currently on my 8th lesson :) I actually find it quite fun and who knows? It might turn out to be a serious hobby. I have long loved the music and it felt quite good to finally learn how to dance to it. It also gives me one more option for things to do in boring old Singapore. Hahaha!

Finally, I am working on a post about Friedrich Nietzsche cause I find that he is misunderstood by most of us Christians. For the uninitiated, Friedrich Nietzsche is the guy most often quote as saying, "God is dead." And that did not help his reputation among us Christians. Hopefully I will be able to put the post together soon. I also I will not drag so long to post again, my apologies for that. Cheers

Good Music Nice Settiing

2009-01-17T20:04:00.001+08:00

The title says it all, kudos to Paris Match, they sure do know their stuff. Enjoy!!!

Hello Beautiful Year!!!

2009-01-03T20:10:00.006+08:00

Okok... I know it is a bit late, but I do not want to wish people happy new year just for the sake of it. If anyone if you guys are interested to find out what song Elgin and I were talking about well I will tell you now.

It all started when I was his room-mate for the church retreat last month and he heard my morning alarm tune on my phone which was a song titled "Hello Beautiful Day" by Paris Match. I personally find that song uplifting, optimistic and a good start to the day. That was the song Elgin wanted to get, here it is:

2008 was a good year which sort of went downhill for me near the end. I don't want to go into details but I am praying for a good start for 2009 for me and all you guys out there. Especially since we don't know what will happen, economically speaking. I hope the song above will help you feel optimistic about the year ahead, which is a hard thing to do especially now. Finally here are my new year wishes for all of you taken from a jazz standard I love.

"May all your storms be weathered and all that is good get better"

Blessed New Year!!!

Clazziquai - Dance

2008-12-04T21:07:00.001+08:00

My good friend Stanley has just introduced me to this band. Saying that they are good might be an understatement. :) Enjoy!

Church Disagreements

2008-12-04T20:50:00.003+08:00

I don’t think it is wise to write all these down here, but I have to vent and it is my blog after all. So I feel I have the right to vent here. But I fear I might influence the people who read this in a negative way so I think it is wise for me to put a disclaimer. In this post, I will be critical of the church as an institution and its leadership. If you feel uncomfortable with the topic in any way you should stop reading now. For all the non-Christians out there reading this now, I hope you understand that this is not how it was suppose to be. But we humans have a nasty habit of screwing things up.

Okay, so here goes.

The end of the year is upon us again, time for us to take stock of our experiences and the lessons we have learnt. One of the major lessons I have learnt is a sad one. For me, things in church have deteriorate to an extent that makes it very difficult to repair, I truly feel very tired and jaded not to mention very disappointed. I have always taken the church “party line” when it comes to people who leave church. I have always believed that those people are seduced by the world, taken in by the all that it offers. These church leavers have “backslided” they have crossed over to the dark side. Now I am beginning to think that that is not the case anymore.

Recent personal experiences and experiences shared by my church friends have changed my point of view. Although I acknowledge that there are people to leave church that are “seduced by the world.” I feel that there are others the church has willfully pushed away. The scary thing is that it seems to be done in a manner similar to a premeditated murder. There seems to be a plan to it, an overall agenda to be fulfilled and a reason why the person being pushed away does not fit into the agenda. Either because they disagree with the leadership of the church or for other reasons I cannot begin to fathom.

Disagreements in church and among the Christian community are a dime a dozen. If Martin Luther did not disagree with the catholic establishment about the selling of indulgences, I will not be here writing this post. The question is to what extend do we allow these disagreements to form bitterness, anger and division within the church. We are all now bible reading educated Christians, we read the bible ourselves, form our own opinions and have valid biblical concerns about certain issues within the church. Differences of opinions are sure to abound, so what do we do?

When there is a disagreement will the leadership of the church quietly “spirit away” the disagreeing party or will they hear their concerns? Will those that are not happy with the church choose the proper forum to air their concerns? I might be taking the analogy a bit far but I see the things happening in my church right now as nothing better than one of Stalin’s Great Purges. That is why I am turned off, because the church has become no better than the world. I see good people leaving the church, those that really love God but are turned off by the church. What makes it worse is that due to the circumstances surrounding my church. These are the people that decided to stay and stick it out with the church in these tough times (people in my church should know what I mean) and the same church is pushing these people away just because they disagree with how certain things are. Thus creating bitterness, anger and I would go as far as to say a certain sense of betrayal

So the conclusion is this, if my church leadership wants a “yes pastor” kind of congregation then I think I am in the wrong church. A church that does not listen to its people… well that is a misnomer really. A church should be supportive of its people and listen, especially if it is about the future of the church and their concerns are valid. A church should attract all kinds of Christians even those that question the leadership. A church should not turn Christians off, I guess that is my point, if even Christians get turn off from church then how about the non-Christains we are trying to reach out to? Food for thought.

Intermission

2008-11-30T20:30:00.002+08:00

I know I have not updated for a long time, I apologise.

A lot of things have changed and I am still trying to pull my thoughts together.

Will update soon I promise.

Cheers :)

Eugene

Smile

2008-11-11T22:24:00.001+08:00

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

:)

Wonderful World

2008-10-28T22:03:00.003+08:00

There is nothing remarkable about the above video. Just a woman with a great voice singing a classic. But what if you knew full well that you only have mere months to live because of cancer, would you still sing about how "wonderful" the world is? Not only just sing it, but sing it with such conviction.

The woman in the video is dead, she died of cancer. She sang that song knowing full well of her cancer and the mere months she has still to live. It takes something special to sing the song the way she did and in her state of health. Really sets you thinking doesn't it.

P.S. Her name is Eva Cassidy

Religulous

2008-10-12T21:04:00.002+08:00

This is something I am looking forward to watch, it created quite a buzz over the net. I have long said to friends and on this blog that when you want to share the gospel to someone, you can't simply push the bible into his or her face. If you do that you will just look stupid and ridiculous. Worse still, you will look like a religious bigot. I believe that this upcoming documentary will prove this point resoundingly.

We need God's help to evangelise, even more so in this post-modern world where the sense of religious fatigue and cynicism is growing ever so strong. Trust me, even I as a christian am not immune to the effects of this. This burden is something I simply can't do anything about. God help me.

Unpopular?

2008-09-26T22:35:00.002+08:00

There are some things I feel convicted by God to do but have never dare to do because I am afraid, or because it is the unpopular thing to do. The reason I am afraid is because I fear might stray away from Him, I might just make that fatal mistake without knowing it. It is very easy to say that just because it is a conviction from God the answer is very straight forward. There is always a cost to be counted with these things and one should never under-estimate the fear of uncertainty.

Should I commit myself to do this thing I feel convicted to do, it will change the dynamics of my faith to a great extent but I feel it will bring me closer and more equipped to act on the burdens I feel God has placed in my heart. But it is not without pitfalls, it is a road filled with dangers, dangers that I feel are beyond me. Yet I feel the most beautiful part of this situation is that the choice is entirely mine. It is not a command or an order, I have to make the decision using my own free will. I pray I will make the right one

Max Payne

2008-09-10T20:19:00.002+08:00

I have been playing computer games for quite long now. The violence and gore of some of the games I have played have never disturb or fazed me, neither has any of the social life killing RPG games. That is until I played "Max Payne" and the sequel "The Fall Of Max Payne". It is not the most violent, neither is it the lengthiest. But the story and the premise of the game did shake me up a little.

It is about a cop named Max Payne. His entire family was kill and he was framed for the murder of one of his friends, a fellow police officer. After which he goes on a rampage to kill the people responsible taking no prisoners along the way. When they announced that they were making a movie out of the game, I thought they were going to reduce it to one of those "gun porn" rubbish. But I was wrong. After watching the trailer, I felt that it still retains its edge and darkness.

All of us has a dark side, I believe that Max Payne (the game and hopefully the movie) most accurately portrays what will happen if it were to be let loose to its full extent. I guess that is why it disturb me so. Anyway I hope you enjoy the trailer, it is definitely a must watch for me. Anybody want to join me?

North Sea Jazz Festival

2008-09-05T20:33:00.002+08:00

Here is Silje Nergaard, live at the North Sea Jazz fesvital with the Tord Gustavsen Trio. Good stuff. Enjoy!

Brutal Honesty

2008-08-19T21:24:00.002+08:00

I don't know why, but I especially inspired this week. 3 posts in 4 days is a new high for me considering that sometimes I only post once a fortnight or worse. One of my ex cell group leaders taught me something that made a lot of sense to me. He said that only when you are brutally honest with yourself then you can figure out where you actually are in life. I recently did one of those brutally honest assessments of my life and figured out a few things.

I started by asking myself a few questions then answering them as honest as I can and this is what I came up with.

1.How is life for me in general?

Things have been going well on the whole and I feel truly blessed. The job has been going well although things on my family side has hit a few bumps. But I believe it is nothing I can't handle through God's grace. People who are close to me will know about the uniqueness of my family and I believe that there is a certain strength in that.

2. How are things with God?

Well the forecast here is not as rosy as the one above unfortunately. Really struggling to meet His standards and follow His word. As for His will in my life, I am really making it up as I go along. Step by step, things always seem to work out in the end and for His glory. I guess I can appreciate the beauty in that.

3. How are things in church?

Now this is where it starts to go downhill. I really have lost my faith in the church as an institution for christians. Going into the reasons might require another post in this blog or more so I won't waste your time. Cell group has also not been going well for me. If you guys happen to hear me say that cell group was ok... I lied. Mainly because I did not want to influence anybody but also to sound polite. But since I have decided to be honest about this I guess I really do owe you this confession and my apologies.

I asked myself many other questions like further studies, dreams to be fulfilled etc... but that is another story. The reason I am sharing this now is because I feel a lot of people are caught up in the moment and really do lack perspective in their lives. Much like what I have experienced recently.

So I am sharing about how I get my perspective, a reality check of sorts. It gives me a guide about what I should do next, what steps to take. Other people might have some other way of doing it. But I believe we have nothing to lose and it will do us good in the end.

What Might Have Been

2008-08-18T20:05:00.002+08:00

A door left ajar
Lets whispering from afar
Breath live into a dream of me and you

I will the spark to die
But still it lights my eye
Still makes me feel that this alone is real

And though I know it, I dare not show it
Or let this madness make a kill
By dwelling on what might have been
Or giving sadness space to fill
I will balance on the edge awhile
But won’t fall in

I will retrace every step
I ever run or tread
Hoping I will see
What is bleeding me

And when I know it, I won't show it
Or let this madness make a kill
By dwelling on what might have been
Or giving sadness space to fill
I will balance on the edge awhile
But won’t fall in

Mike Mcgurk

Flight Of The Conchords

2008-08-15T20:31:00.002+08:00

I guess its been a long time since I posted a video here. So here's one! It is a band called "Flight Of The Conchords" with their runaway hit "Business Time." Yes it is full of sexual innuendo, but please just let your hair down and develop a sense of humor, we are all adults right? We should be able to take it. Enjoy! Tell me what you think.

Going Green

2008-08-06T20:00:00.002+08:00

I believe most people have the wrong idea when they decide to go green, based on the recent articles I have read on the Forum pages of the local newspaper, they all think that it is going to be cheaper. I am referring to the recent complaints be people to convert their vehicles to run on CNG. CNG or Compressed Natural Gas is suppose to burn cleaner so it is better for the environment, it is also cheaper too since it is not as high as current oil prices. But recently there have been complaints about how the thing will be more costly in the long run or how it is not exactly cheap in the first place.

Even if going green ends up being cheaper, I believe it is not the right way to think about such things. Think about how expensive solar panels are and how power saving bulbs actually cost more when you buy them. If you think hybrid cars are cheaper, think again. There is extra cost involved to maintain 2 engines instead of 1. Plus I believe spare parts for the electric engine are not going to be cheap.

Unfortunately, I guess people will not make a lifestyle change unless there is something good in it for them. But is this the way we should look at this issue? I believe that if one wants to go green, they should not expect anything in return. It is something you commit to because you are doing something good for the earth even if it ends up costing you more. Sounds self-righteous and idealistic? Well I believe it is the attitude and the way you approach the subject.

The purpose for going green is to preserve this planet nothing more, nothing less. If it ends up being cheaper all the better for you, it is a bonus, not an entitlement. A lot of people get turned off because even if they are doing it, there is a vast majority of people who aren’t. Why should they put in the extra effort and cost? All I can say is we should not care about what other people are doing. Never underestimate the power of one man/woman. You can be the difference maker.

I guess all I am trying to say is this. Go green for the sake of going green, to make the world a better place. Not just because it will give you a temporary benefit. Sounds too idealistic? Well everything starts from ideals.

Next!

2008-07-29T19:46:00.004+08:00

Ha! Its been quite long since my last post. Really don't have much to say, everything in my life is now either pending or on hold. All I can do now is pray and hope for the best. The next big thing I can think of personally is my job confirmation, which will be on the first week of September. Time really does fly.

Although the next logical step is to accept the confirmation, I really feel prompted to pray about it. I guess it is a form of discipline, seeking God even though the answer is more or less what I expect. Or it could be something else altogether, who knows? All I know is this, I cannot get too comfortable with whatever phase I am going through in my life because God does have a way of yanking the carpet right from under you.

Each day I live, I live at His mercy. Everything I do, I do with His strength. Everytime I fall, I fall on His grace. Everytime I love, I love with His love. I really do hope and pray I and live and demostrate these traits in my life. The news coming out from church and home are far from encouraging, I really do need Him now

Enough

2008-07-13T20:41:00.002+08:00

The hardest lesson that a christian has to learn is that God allows bad things to happen to us. The very people he claims to love. How we react to it says a lot about us as christians. Things are not going well ever since I made a commitment to stay in RCC.

I grossly dislike the way that I was transferred to my new cell group. Things I hear from my church friends are not encouraging as well as other personal stuff that is happening. Details that I will not go into. I am really discouraged by the combination of things that are happening. I do not have doubts, I am frustrated that I have been led to such a state. It is hard to see God's sovereignty in times like this, hard to see that I can contribute any good to the entire situation because it simply turns me off.

The position I am in now creates more problems than it sovles, but the frustrating thing was that I did not put myself in this position. I was pushed into it by circumstances beyond my control. I was defenseless, no chance to voice my two cents worth either because I felt that God did not want me to or that I was simply powerless to let my voice be heard.

I am not in this position be choice and I demand to know why!

But in the mists of my moaning, I got reminded about someone who was in much deeper shit than me but still demanded much less. No, I am not talking about the typical china man that will work twice as hard with half the pay ;) I am talking about Job. When Job suffer disaster after disaster, he was frustrated. He could not figure out what on earth he could have done for God to treat him like that. He did in fact ask for an explaination from God and he had every right to. But......

Did God give it? No.

Did Job complain? No.

Job recognized that in whatever shit he was going through all he needs is God's presence with him. No need for vindications, explanations or apologies. No need for God to bring justification and judgment to my enemies, no need to slap people with gloves to "demand satisfaction"(some of you will know what I mean. Haha!). All I need is God's presence with me.

But currently, is God's presense enough for me? Sadly no. Being human I still demand to know the how and why of things. But I am really learning and trying to make it enough, trying to accept God's sovereign hold on my life. It is a lesson I will never stop learning.

Cell Group Muscial Chairs

2008-06-30T20:50:00.002+08:00

They say that change is the only constant in this world. I lost my faith in cell groups for a time, I thought that they were a waste of time quite honestly, I thought that they were just a social exercise. "Calvary" (which is my current cell group) restored my faith in cell groups. I found myself being able to contribute and draw strength from the experiences of my cell group mates who thankfully don't give "model answers" to questions posed to them. If I wanted "model answers" I have the Bible for that.

But I would be a fool to think such an arrangement would last. Things change and we must change with it. But will my new cell group be good for me? Is this a change for the better? My feelings are mixed to be honest. I feel apprehensive most of all, my better judgment is pulling me back. But I think I know better than to trust my better judgment ;) and since I can't see beyond the way things seem to be. We shall see.

The New Job

2008-06-26T21:24:00.002+08:00

I know an update about my new job is on the cards, I just wanted some time to pass on my new job in order to form an opinion I can share. Things are pretty much going well in the office. I have helpful colleagues, a good working environment and a healthy pace of working. I am also cycling to work now on a bike I just bought and in case those bike fanatics are wondering... I bought a Cannondale. I figured that it will save me money in the long run, as long as my working place remains in the east area.

That being said, I am really out of my comfort zone here. Although I welcome the relative "desk-boundness" of the job (it is a good change for now), everything is still quite alien to me. I have never worked in a big office context before. Everybody seems to have their own specific roles whereas in my old job, I did everything. So when I have done my part of a job, handing it over to another person makes me feel uneasy, like the job is incomplete. So I guess it is something I have to adjust to and improve my people to people relations because now I need other people's help to get the job done.

And that is just one of the many things I have to get used to, it would take time but God-willing, I will be able to see it through. Really taking it as a learning experience. Oh and by the way, in case anybody is scoffing at me because I welcome a desk-bound job now, let me just say that 2 years of extreme travelling would make anybody want a desk-bound job. I want to give this job time, I believe God has something planned for me here. Maybe in the future I might just want to satisfy my wanderlust again, who knows? :)

Now And Then

2008-06-19T23:54:00.005+08:00

Now and then behind the rows
Of pearly teeth and fashion clothes
She sees them in the mirror-tiles
Trying on their latest smiles
Light and warmth from spotlight beams
Convincing them their nightmare is a dream

Now and then when they're at rest
Flocked in sleep in cuckoos' nests
Feeling safe no need to hide
She opens doors and windows wide
And poised upon her painted claws
She stretches out her gaudy wings and soars

Far away
Borne by the wind
She roams the sky
No one to say ... too low ... to high
Or count the lonely miles that she has flown
This world is hers alone

But then again behind the rows
She feels the piercing looks of those
Who watch her every move in case
She happens to forget her place
Who sum her up ... deny her flight
Aim their words and shoot her down on sight

Far away
Borne by the wind
She roams the sky
No one to say ... too low ... too high
Or count the lonely miles that she has flown
This world is hers alone

Silje Nergaard

My Place

2008-06-15T17:26:00.003+08:00

I would be lying if I said that recent events in my church have not affected my faith. But I guess it depends on what you based your faith on. Although I am critical of the institution we call the church, I take no pleasure in seeing it crumble. Especially if it crumbles at the very hands of the christians supporting it.

Whatever it is, I place my faith in God that He will not fail me. I know that my place is in the church, the support for my calling is also in the church. Despite my misgivings about the church there is no denying that God is in it, working to improve it and calling me to contribute. My place right now is at RCC.

I will not judge those who decide to leave, some of them are my close friends and they have my full support. The rabbi Gamaliel taught me a very good and simple lesson, that if something is of human origin, it will fail. If it is from God, whatever you do will not stop them. So I will not try to stop them, in fact I wish them all the best. For me, friendships transcend even church loyalties.

I want to keep my faith simple, I do not want whatever church politics and human elements to complicate the matter. In the words of DC-Talk,

" To see Thee more clearly, to love Thee more dearly, to follow Thee more nearly"

That is my desire. If God wants me to move, He himself will tell me. My faith in Him is all that guides me. It has not failed me so far, the results speaks for itself if you have read my previous posts.

But enough of this bullshit, I think we have wasted enough time in this matter. It is time to move on and work towards the fulfillment of God's plan, itsn't that what the church is all about?

Reservist

2008-06-07T16:43:00.007+08:00

There is an attitude that my CSM during my NS days always tried to cultivate in us. It is called the "do it once, do it good" attitude. When shit is thrown at you, you can bitch and moan about how you dislike it. But at the end of the day as long as you suck it up and do it well, it will not bother you again or at least for a time and you only have to do it once. Instead of mucking about or trying to avoid it, in which case it will not stop bothering you.

I think this applies for the in-camp training I just had and the ones to follow in the years to come. Going back to the commandos was a reality check for me and most of my mates. My perception of reservist is having IPPT, some light outfield and some refresher training and boy was I wrong. But come to think of it, it is the commandos... how easy do I think it was going to get?

But putting all that into perspective, I have seen the utter professionalism of my company mates and especially my team mates. Although they are doing things that they dislike, they still made the effort to contribute and do it well. Each time I am with them in the field, what I learnt much much more than what I contributed and I really do admire and applaud them for that. Thanks for the memories guys! Until we meet again!

click on the picture for a clearer view

Hope

2008-05-22T21:30:00.002+08:00

Just an update on the job front. I found one! And it is rather near my house as well... and it is a five day week job, so now my Saturdays are free. But truth be told, I am actually quite surprised that I got the job because I felt that I did not do very well in the interview and the job scope is quite different from my present job so my experience doesn't really apply to the position they had open.

But they were willing to give me a chance to take on the challenge. That means that I am once again out of my comfort zone. This will hopefully give me opportunities to learn and let God more into my life.

So, barring any surprises I should be starting on it next month after my reservist training. I really have to thank God for this small mercy because I really did not want to idle around unemployed after my reservist training and He has really came through for me by getting me this job. Now I pray that I am up to the challenge.

In Camp

2008-05-20T21:00:00.002+08:00

I will have me reservist training next week, so might not be able to blog then. In to get back in shape soon. In these two years of civilian life, I have been getting lazy, fat and slow. So I guess next month it would be one down six more cycles to go. Eat that infantry!!! hahahahahaha!!!

Just So You Know

2008-05-10T17:41:00.004+08:00

When I told people that I have resigned and the reason for doing so, some people just assume that just because I dared to do it, I had a backup plan. They say things like, "Aiyah, cause you got money wat, can do wat you want..." or "you young wat, got no obligations..." or worse of all "I not as "siao sa" (Chinese for suave and daring, I think) as you, say leave means leave."

Let me first say that I got no backup plan, no lack of obligations and least of all not "siao sa." If I was "siao sa", wouldn't girls be all over me now? :) And I am definitely definitely not rich. If I was rich, I would not be working in the first place to save money for my further studies. As far as I am concerned, those comments are the most idiotic I have ever heard.

It was a huge struggle to quit, it took monumental effort to make my stand and to go against my "better earthly judgment" and the urge to look after my rice bowl. I am scared about what is going to happen after all this. I am concerned, worried and I have no idea what I am going to do next. All I know despite everything is that it just had to be done and it was bloody difficult doing it. So please do not cheapen my efforts with your idiotic comments.

On the flip side, my family and cell group has been supportive. My grandmother who was initially opposed to me resigning told me recently that it was the better choice, my mum showed me her typical silent support. I guess she is convince that I know what I am doing and that God is somehow guiding me. My cell group has been praying for me and the level of concern they have showed me is astounding. If you are reading this blog, Thanks guys! I guess I just have to seek God and His love will erase every fear.

So in conclusion, I am truly thankful to all of the people who have been supportive of my decision and I thank God for putting all of you in my life. But to those few people who made those idiotic comments, you can call me stupid, dumb, stone cold nuts or whatever expletive you can think of. I can take all of that, but keep those idiotic comments to yourself. I don't suffer fools gladly.

The Beachcomber

2008-05-08T22:37:00.002+08:00

Lead me to the sand and sea
Sit awhile beside and I won't mind
Wait until the tide has turned
To see what's left behind

Then I'll search for things to save
Wake me if I'm dreaming
And If all I've planned starts
Streaming through my fingers
Out of hand... grain of sand.

Let the man that I'll become
Dare to walk the shoreline
and to ride the wave
Let the ocean show its might
But leave me feeling brave

When all else is washed from sight
Wake me if I'm dreaming
And If all I've planned starts
Streaming through my fingers
Out of hand... grain of sand.

Never let me hide away
In caves and shun the light of day
Let the waters gently steer
Me to my moorings far from fear
So I might come to comb this beach
Seeing what my eye can reach
And knowing that a heart can open here

Lead me to the sand and sea
Sit awhile beside and I won't mind
Wait until the tide has turned
To see what's left behind

Mike Mcgurk

No Turning Back

2008-05-01T10:19:00.003+08:00

Yup, I have resigned. The last day will be near the end of this month. Guessing I will not be travelling abroad for work in at least the next few months and I definitely will not miss Jakarta, horrible place. I like to define Jakarta as a teacher I love to hate in school. I would love to forget her but her lessons are important and applicable and her influence on me, undeniable.

My job as a whole has also taught me about how the world at large works and taught me a little about myself also. When I told some of my friends and family that I resigned and the reason I did so, they all said that I should at least get a new job first before I resign. Well that would be the logical thing to do wouldn't it? Well I guess then I am not that logical... at least with regards to this matter. I want to enjoy my work and be able to sleep peacefully at night and not worry because my work has run foul of the law, whether it is God's laws or the laws of any country.

I guess that is more important than any salary or position because ultimately it is not my boss I am accountable to. It is God. So, whether I made the right decision or not is still up for debate. After tendering my resignation I felt a certain peace and my burdens lifted from me and recent events in my company has convinced me more and more that it is the correct choice. But the most important question remains...

Did I do what God wanted me to do?

Guess I will never know until the end but one thing is for sure. There is no turning back now.

Happiness

2008-04-20T21:05:00.002+08:00

The forefather of the USA were quite a smart bunch of people. They were quite the forward thinkers of their time. They recognized that in a modern society, religion has no place in the running of a country or in politics for that matter even though some of them were extremely religious. This resulted in the separated of church and state which was a totally alien concept at that time. Yes we can argue that this was not always practiced in American history but the idea was ultimately a good one. It brought much progress to the country without the usual "religio-political" entanglements that the countries during that time had to deal with. In their wisdom they decided they religion had no part in politics and vice-versa.

But perhaps the best and most radical statement made by the founding fathers of the US was the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" and that "all men are created equal under God." Even going to the extent of holding those truths to be self evident.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. "

These statements are found in the American Declaration Of Independence and from my point of view can be divided into two parts. The first part is about the right to life, liberty and the equality of all men. It means that a man's life is his standard of value and it is his country's duty to protect him and his freedoms. Nobody can force a man to do something he doesn't want to do. Period. Unless he has broken the laws of the land. The laws of the land must also be crafted in a way that forbids any entity (corporations, companies, people etc...) to take a man's freedom and security away. It must be fair, balanced and unbiased for justice to be done not tyrannical.

Keep in mind that among the group of people that came up with these ideas, some of them were slave owners. Why would they come up with such ideas and open themselves up to accusations of double standards? Why don't just abolish slavery right away? I guess they thought that such ideas were too radical for people of that time to accept, but it still had to be proclaimed because it was the right thing to do, they perhaps also did it in the hope that future generations would fulfill it. Think about it, it took a civil war to abolish slavery in the US. Martin Luther King Jr. lost his life while fighting for equal rights for African Americans. So perhaps they had a point.

But even these ideas had their limit. And the founding fathers of the US seem to accept that as well. Although life, liberty and equality must be guaranteed to you, happiness is not. It must be pursued. Imagine that. Although you are guaranteed everything needed to live a good life under such a declaration, happiness is not one of them. This begs the question. Are you happy? Have the things you pursued made you happy? If not, maybe you should try Jesus Christ. I did, and although life may not be smooth going for me by any standard. I am happy.

When Judy Falls

2008-04-11T21:24:00.003+08:00

When Judy falls
The word goes out to one and all
When Judy falls
The whole world seems to heed her haunting call

And when she falls
It marks the start of spring
The air is filled with bird-song
And Nature sings along when Judy falls

When Judy falls
Her hopes are oh so high she's walking tall
And when she falls
She's hoping she's the apple of some eye

But if she falls in vain
We'll surely hear the sound
Of hopes that start to crumble
And silent birds that tumble to the ground

Love is always new
When Judy makes the rules and breaks them too
Love is never old
She doesn't wait around till hearts grow cold
She believes in weaving dreams
And nothing's ever what it seems
When Judy falls

But if she falls in vain
We'll surely hear the sound
Of hopes that start to crumble
And silent birds that tumble to the ground

Mike Mcgurk

Update

2008-04-06T14:39:00.007+08:00

Just a little update on the situation. My chicken pox has come and gone, thank God that I came off relatively unscathed. And after the bribery thing in Indonesia, I am toying with the idea of resigning from my job sometime soon. Maybe it is for the best that I keep away from situations that will tempt me to do the wrong thing (aka pay a bribe or something or something like that). I learnt that from Joseph in the Bible, when he was being seduced by Potiphar's wife he ran away. So I guess I should run away as well.

I see this whole incident as a struggle between my morals (which is defined by my faith) and the morals of the world. I could make my life much easier by dropping my morals and just do what I am being tempted to do, which is a very attractive option. But I know doing it will destroy my faith, it is a dive downwards that will be very difficult to recover from and that is not what I need right now.

Now all that remains is gathering up the courage and strength to do it. Questions still remain in my mind on whether I am doing the right thing by God and what to do in the future. What job will I apply for? Will I even find a job on time if I were to leave? The financial impact on resigning is quite obvious. Some would say that I should trust God for my providence and that He will not leave me hanging if I was doing the right thing. But actually trusting Him is a whole different thing. I guess it is time to dive in. I pray that God will catch me.

Flight 7

2008-03-22T18:50:00.006+08:00

There is a fine line that musicians have to draw when coming out with new material. They could go the experimental route or the tried and tested route. Both routes have their pitfalls, if you get too experimental you risk isolating your listeners and making them forget why they listen to you in the first place but going the tried and tested route will make you seem boring and dull, your fans would want to hear something new from you every once in a while.

I was worried that Paris Match had gone too far down the experimental route when I listened to their album titled "After Six." In it they focused on club sounds and electronica, the end result became way too "techno" for me. Other than one or two tracks that retained their unique style the rest of the album was well below par compared with their best work. I was worried, perhaps they have finally run out of ideas after so many albums. But I was to be proven wrong.

When my fellow "Paris Match kaki" told me that they had released a new album titled "Flight 7", I was getting ready to go to Japan so the timing was just right for me to go buy it. He also told me assuringly that they were back to their old style and after buying the album and listening to it, I totally agree.

The first track titled "Rainbow Puzzle" (roughly translated from Japanese) simply oozes charm, sophistication and technical brilliance through its Bossa-like beat and multi-melodic tunes. It simply just catches your attention and it serves as an excellent lead up to the rest of the album which is musically along the same lines. It is 100% old school Paris Match and then some.

Even after so many albums, they have shown no sign of fatigue or slowing down, they are still churning out material that are of the highest of musical standards in my book at least. All in all, "Flight 7" has reminded me why I liked their music in the first place and left me wanting for more.

Jam Brake

2008-03-18T16:28:00.002+08:00

Falling sick twice in a month is never a good sign. But that was exactly what happened to me. First it was a case of food poisoning and how it is chicken pox. Maybe it is a sign that I have been pushing myself too much. Human bodies have a way of jamming your brakes when you choose not to do it yourself gently... and control your speed. The worse thing is that sometimes when your brakes get jammed, you might crash and burn. The damage could be permanent.

I guess I am lucky this time, provided I don't scratch too much to cause any permanent scarring. On the bright side it does give me time to get my thoughts in order. The perception I have about my job has been slowly changing these few months. I don't think my boss has my best interests in mind, or even any concern at all when i am oversea. In fact I am convinced he will gladly burn anyone(customers and employees included) to make the bottomline look a little prettier.

I made myself a promise at the start of my job that if my work interferes with my faith in anyway then I have to give up something and I now feel more pressure to live up to that promise than ever before. And looking at the current situation if really has, I find myself skipping church because I am coming back from overseas on a sunday and things like that. I find myself having to compromise on God's laws like with that bribery thing. One thing I know for sure though. Now is the time for action, not words

Japan Redux

2008-03-11T19:31:00.001+08:00

Will be in Japan from today to 16th... Will be out of contact untill then... See you guys soon

Bribery

2008-02-29T20:58:00.006+08:00

Firstly, I don't know if I would get into trouble for writing this but I have to be honest. I guess this blog is not high profile enough to cause much of an incident.

Friends of mine would know that I travel a lot for my work. Most of my travels brings me to Indonesia, Jakarta more specifically. I don't mind the travelling as I am learning a lot from the experience but recently, my staff in Indonesia has been having in-runs with the local authorities there who, for lack of a better word, are asking for bribes. Thank God I have not had a personal run-in with them because if they know that a Singaporean is "running the shop" (so to speak), they would be even more determined and might even ask for a higher amount.

I would be very naive not to know how business works there or anywhere similar for that matter. It is almost a way of life down there. The gears of the economy there are really lubricated by "kopi money." But I had never thought about how I would act in the face of this with regards to God's laws.

My initial reaction was that paying the bribe would be wrong, bribery is against the law in any country and the Bible teaches us to respect the leaders and the laws of the lands we live in. But if I would stand firm then they will not leave my company alone, paying them off would ensure that they will leave my company alone, at least for a time.

My close friend told me, "it is not like you are paying them to hurt someone, that would be wrong. You are paying them to leave you alone, nobody gets hurt and no one is worse off in the end." Sounds like a convincing argument because if this drags on, I am worried about the well being of the staff in the Indonesian office because they will be continually harassed. In fact, there seems to be a "greater good" to gain by indulging in the "lesser evil."

Looking inward, all these events seemed to have revealed another side of my boss to me. He has always assured me that I had his support and backing in Indonesia and I have always took his word for it. But when asking for advice on this matter, I felt whatever trust I had in him and the way he runs his business erode. Furthermore, when digging into the way my travelling was arranged, I find myself not having the peace of mind to continue as I once was. Is it time to leave? Or should I face these challenges head on. I pray that God will help and guide me, give me the strength to carry on and to uphold His laws in the process.

Stuck

2008-02-04T20:42:00.000+08:00

I was stuck in the Jakarta airport for about 5 hours last friday because of the flood. Nearly did not make it for my cell group's "reunion dinner" back in Singapore even. In fact, I called my cell group leader and told him that I might not be able to make it and he said, "nevermind, we will pray." Well the prayer worked and I ended up being the first one there.

There is much not to like about Jakarta, the city floods at a mere sight of a drizzle, the traffic jams are the worst I have ever seen and don't get me started on the police and the authorities there cause I might say something I might regret. But still, I feel that I have learnt a most precious lesson there.

Jakarta is a REAL city with REAL problems. While we Singaporeans make a big fuss about how some "major" MRT hiccup got us to work late, the people in Jakarta sometimes drive for hours everyday throught jam after jam just to get to work and add to that the frequent floods, roads inaccessible, poor air quality and a flawed public transport system. Even the president's motorcade was not spared from the floods on friday.

I have learnt to except the city for what it is and not what it should be. During my time spent there, I can almost feel it saying, "take me for what I am, if not get lost." Jakarta makes no illusion about what it is, there is no image or facade it must uphold. It is honest.

It is such an honesty I feel is lacking in my christian life, I lack the courage to display my imperfections to people or to tell them something is wrong in my life. I lack the guts to share about my failing convictions, about the lines I have drawn between right and wrong blurring and about the increasing difficulty I have practising the teachings of God in this fallen world. I am sick of the image I must maintain just because I am christian. I AM HUMAN!!! I AM FLAWED!!! Why don't people just get it?

I feel as though I have sinned just solely on the account of being human and displaying my human traits because I am judged by a higher standard. But even with the help of Christ I am bound to stumble sometimes. If you are not inclined to give me a listening ear then at least give me a break.

Landslide

2008-01-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

Took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and i turned around
And I saw my reflection
In the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky...
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too

Take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down

Stevie Nicks

Imperfection

2008-01-07T20:42:00.000+08:00

Okay... I know the title of this post isn't very positive especially since this is the start of the new year, but I have my reasons. Let me post this scenario to you, suppose a friend that you knew for some time already pulled you aside and told you that he cannot stop drinking or gambling etc... If you want to push it to the logical extreme, maybe this guy friend you know comes up to you and tells you he keeps having sexual fantasies about men. How would you react?

Would you tell this friend of yours that he/she will burn in hell? Would you start to shake you head from side to side in that "holier than thou" attitude and start throwing bible verses at him/ her? Or will you identify yourself with him/her? After all we have all sinned and have struggled with certain issues in our life. I mean... in God's eyes sin is sin, it does not matter what sin... right?

I spent the dying days of 2007 reflecting on this issue because of a book I read. It is called "Church. Why bother?" by Philip Yancey. In it Philip Yancey shared the story of an alcoholic friend of his. When he(Philip) asked his friend what he needs the most when he feels tempted to go back to the bottle, his friend answered, "I need a sinner to be there for me, not a saint that will tell me what to do."

I found that answer refreshing and good, not to mention quite true. During the course of my Christian life, I have shared my struggles with various leaders only to be talked down to with phrases that starts with, "you should do..." and ends with "cause the Bible says..."

I firmly believe that Christians (esp. Christian leaders) have been taught to display perfection and infallibility so much so that we keep all our imperfections to ourselves. But is this healthy? Coming from a world where the church focuses on testimonies where God was faithful, life is perfect and I am the "happiest person in the world." It is no surprise no one comes up and confesses that he/ she is a alcoholic or a gambling addict. Honestly, I think we would all be shocked at such a testimony because it does not fit into the picture of the perfect church. I even think some of us would take effort to avoid him/her after that.

But here's a thought, how about sharing about how God gave you the strength to go through another day at the job you hate with colleagues you can't stand? Or sharing about how God gave you the resolve to stop gambling or drinking. Or stuff like that?

Okay, back to the point. The way I see it is this. We are all saved by the same grace, given to us (all be it undeserved) from the same God. Doesn't makes us all the same? So my new year's resolution is this, to be a "sinner" to offer a helping hand when my friends fall and not to be a "saint" and just point the "judgement finger."

Krabi Pics!!!

2007-12-23T22:58:00.000+08:00

As promised, some of my pics from Krabi. Thanks to Winston for the pics!

On the way to our snorkeling trip

Definitely not getting seasick

Group photo at the airport

Another group photo at the beach

An example of the local fare, quite cheap actually

Silje Nergaard

2007-12-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

Yes! Back from Krabi, well rested and hopefully I have returned with new energy and resolve for the new year, God willing. Anyway the pictures of my trip are not ready yet and I will post them out ASAP. Meanwhile please allow me to introduce you to another jazz singer/song writer. There are 2 sets of lyrics I like you to compare.

Lyrics 1
East of the sun and west of the moon
We'll build a dream house of love dear
Near to the sun in the day Near to the moon at night
We'll live in a heavenly way dear
Living and loving in pale moonlight

Lyrics 2
I won't disown
Those things my heart has sown
The pain is mine alone
I made this fickle heart my own
But how am I suppose to see the stars?
How am I suppose to see that far?

I am sure you can see the difference. Lyrics 1 is the typical jazz lyric. It has a premise, a love story behind it. It does not matter if it is happy or sad, the typical jazz lyric is outward looking, mostly when hearing the music and lyrics together it is like you are from the outside looking in.

Lyrics 2 is the direct opposite, it is inward looking. Instead of looking in from the outside, you get to feel what the writer is feeling first hand. That is what makes Silje Nergaard special. She pours her heart out to you in both the music and the lyrics and in turn, she might even help you find the words you need pour your own heart out as well. The way Silje writes her music compliments her lyrics beautifully. The mood and tone of her music never failed to enhance the message of her lyrics.

Some say that Jazz enables musicans to express their feelings as no other music genre can, unfortunately I feel that the lyrics have not gotten the same treatment. Not that I dislike the typical jazz lyric, I love it. But I feel that Silje fills up a nice niche in my music collection, whereby both the music and lyrics enables the expression of the feelings of the heart first hand.

Be Still My Heart, Silje Nergaard

Krabi

2007-12-02T16:24:00.000+08:00

Going to Krabi on a holiday... what little I know of it is that it is an island in Thailand. Looking to have some R&R and clear my head. Reflect on the year that is past, and look forward to the year ahead. Hope I can enjoy myself. Pics coming soon.

Sleeping Dragons

2007-11-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

One of the greatest battles a man can fight among himself is the battle between his mind and his heart. While the heart supplies the fuel for a man's flights of fancy daring him to do things he never thought he would, the mind would take the safe logical step which would look almost cowardly. Ah... the affairs of the heart; love... hate... romance... passion... TO HELL WITH THEM!!! DAMN THEN ALL!!! (I would much rather use the F word but I shall not)

Meeting up with a long lost friend is always done with anticipation, wondering how he or she has been doing all those years you guys were out of contact. But meeting up with a long lost friend that you once had liked is a different story. (Yeah yeah, I can almost hear the whooting and the teasing now.) Yes, for those of you who did not know, Eugene (the writer of this blog) is a guy with his fair share of crushes on girls. A close lady friend of mind advised against the meeting saying basically that this whole "affairs of the heart" and "old flame" thing is too difficult to predict. I might just do something really foolish and stupid.

But is has been years since I saw her, surely the feelings would have died down by now, surely God given logic and reason would prevail as it did years ago telling me that we are not really suited for each other. Boy was I wrong. During the whole time I was with her at lunch, the old feelings begin to surface again, my heart was pulling me to one side with my mind pulling me to another, the battle lines were drawn, war had began and I was in on man's land.

I spent a great deal of effort keeping my feelings in check and with the frustration building up as the lunch went on, it required an even greater effort to keep my feelings in check. It just became a vicious cycle which went on and on. The way I see it is this, I can either divorce myself from all logic and reason and just go for it (which would be suicidal) or I should follow logic and reason and never see her again. But I believe that God wants me to maintain the friendship without letting it go to the next level. So I think my only option is to do my best to keep my feelings in check and let "sleeping dragons lie" as they say. If this is what God wants me to do then I am sure he would help me. But sleeping dragons have a way of being awakened by the occasional knight in shinning armour trying to save his damsel in distress. If that happens then...

The bottomline is this, whatever happens, it would be a difficult journey for me to discipline my heart and get it in control. God help me

Stacey Kent

2007-10-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

A Prominent jazz critic once said this about Stacey Kent, "To hear Stacey is to love her". I agree. If any of you think that Diana Krall is good jazz, you have not heard Stacey Kent. In fact when compared to Stacey, I feel that Diana Krall is way way out of her league. This is the promo she did for her latest album "Breakfast On The Morning Tram" enjoy.... and eat you heart out Diana Krall!!!

Paper Boats

2007-10-20T22:11:00.001+08:00

How come these precious things were made to seem remote?
How come the words I weighed were forced back down my throat?
There was no room for honesty
No quarter that was mine
No noble cause
I tried to fake a life
To fool those snapping jaws

From here I dare to launch
My flimsy paper boats
I shove each gently from the shore
God guard it where it floats
They must not drift too far from You
If you sense danger cause they are too frail
In time they will catch Your wind
And fly with billowed sails

Mike Mcgurk

In Christ Alone

2007-10-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

Grounded

2007-10-12T20:44:00.000+08:00

Due to the Hari Raya holidays I have been grounded. It is this only week now in a very long time where I have not taken a plane or a bus ride to some far away place. It is always good to be home of course, and I have taken the time to consolidate my thoughts about all the travelling around I have been doing and in the course of doing so learnt a few things about myself.

The first thing I learn is about money. Since I travel so often, it is hard to keep up a social life locally. Does that mean I have no social life and that is why I can travel so often? No. Frankly I don't think the amount of money I earn is enough to justify scarificing my friendships and relationship here locally. In fact, if it is just about the money I would much rather take a lower paying job and stay well connected with friends and family.

I know it makes no sense. But I feel that you can't put a price tag on the friendships you have taken so long to build with so much effort. It is priceless. So in terms of value, if I have to choose between a pay cheque and something priceless. I will choose something priceless. So the bottomline is that I am not doing all this travelling for the money no matter how good it might be. And if I ever fall into the trap of just working for the money, it will be pointless and worthless.

The second thing is to learn from all this exposure and experience I am getting when I am overseas. No, I am not learning a tangible subject like math or science, but something intangible that I can't explain in words. I seem to be developing an instinct that I know will serve me well later in life. Something like learning how to ride a bicycle or learning how to swim.

The third thing is that this arrangement will not last forever, sooner or later I will have to move on. I believe that I have mentioned in an earlier post that I feel that this is what God wants me to do in order to prepare me for his plans for me in the future. So if God were to call, this arrangement would have to end.

The fourth thing is that my source of strength and hope comes from God alone. When you are in a foreign country full of strangers and you need help. You can always call on Him and He will answer you. As a result of all my travels, I have learnt to depend more on Him and hopefully build a deeper relationship with Him.

It is ironic that in my act of reaching out and travelling around, I have been able to dig deeper into myself and learn more about myself and God. He works in mysterious ways.

Guidance

2007-09-23T18:13:00.000+08:00

My old commando friend suddenly posted a question to me a few weeks ago on MSN. It went something like this, " How do you know if you have found the love of your life? Does God tell you? Will He provide one specially for you?

A bit surprised by this line of questioning, I ask him where did all that questions came from. He told me that he has fallen for a girl he knows in university. I told him what any Christian brother would tell another, I told him to pray about it. Then he asked me if I had tried praying about something like that before and how it turned out. I told him that I have tried it on a few occasions only to either draw a complete blank from God and/or make a horrible mistake.

Not very encouraging right? But I added that that is just my personal experience and things might turn out very differently for him and again emphasize that he should pray about it. When he asked about how I go aout this matter now I said, "For me when it comes, it comes. Going without it is no big loss."

Looking to God for big decisions is never easy. First of all it is difficult to get an answer, in my experience at least. Second, it might be an answer you might not like. God's answer might require you to make so-called "unpopular" decisions, decisions that might even cause you to be shunned even by your Christian peers. So what happens when God's answer is not the answer you had hoped for? What would you do? Would you go the way which you prefer or follow God's guidance however unpopular and difficult it might be?

Of course every Christian would give the model answer and say that God's will is always better. After all the Bible says that all things happen for the good of those who love Him and do His will. But I am sick of model answers, examine yourself and ask yourself what you are really going to do. As for my commando friend, I pray he will do the right thing even if it is not what he had hoped for.

Obligations

2007-08-26T22:25:00.000+08:00

Recent events in my company has cause me to question who I am obligated to. Am I obligated to the customer or to my boss? My boss promised a certain customer in Jakarta that he will visit the customer this week (the customer requested the visit). So last week when I was in Jakarta, I told this customer that my boss was coming as promised and he(the customer) was looking forward to it. I gave this customer my word.

But due to some crappy planning (in my opinion) by my boss, he had to postpone the trip to an as yet undetermined date. Now I must be the bearer of bad news to this customer and no doubt bear the brunt of his complains. In other words, I must put up with all the shit but that is not important, the important thing is that I broke my word to the customer. Now this is not the first time this sort of thing happened, there were quite a few times whereby I have to go back on my word just because my boss couldn't deliver on his.

Now I am not dissing my boss at all, my question is to what extent am I obligated to the customer who is paying for a top quality product? In other words, if earning my paycheck requires me to go back on my word, whether or not it is on behalf of my boss then is it right? Am I doing right by God breaking promises I have made to other people? Well it sure felt wrong to me, each time I do it I feel a slight sense of guilt. The worrying thing is that even that is beginning to fade. God help me to sort this out.

I am Back!

2007-08-14T12:45:00.000+08:00

Yes! I am back after three weeks abroad. I am off now till the end of the week. Being abroad for this long made me confront something about myself, something very human. Manpower changes in the company I am working in will cause me to travel quite often, more often than what I am doing now. Now I know a lot of people will jump at the chance to travel for their work but I was honestly burnt out after travelling for so long.

Now I am asking myself lots of questions like, is this all worth it? Are all my efforts and sacrifices abroad appreciated at home? Is this what God wants for me? And if so what am I suppose to do with this chance I am given?

Honestly, I am starting not to like this new arrangement. Could it be time to leave this company? No, I don't think so. Sometimes I guess God plans our lives in a way that we might not like, so perhaps I should bite the bullet and get on with it, maybe there is a hidden purpose or blessing in all this, maybe I should give it time.

The Long Haul

2007-07-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

I will not be updating this blog for quite some time. I will be abroad until 13th of August, work stuff. Hopefully will have lots of stuff to update by then. Seeya!

Whale

2007-07-10T21:38:00.000+08:00

One thing I like about the way Douglas Adams writes "Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy" is that he does not use the main characters and plot to get his point across, but he uses minor characters and subplots. That way you don't really have to read to whole book to get the gist of his message.

One of my favourite minor characters is the Whale. The Whale appeared suddenly out of nowhere on top of a planet called "Magrathea" alongside a pot of flowers (which also appeared out of nowhere) falling towards the ground. The Whale had a very self-aware existential life of discovery which sadly lasts only a minute before it impacts the ground, leaving a large crater and quite a lot of atomized whale remains. During the short time when it was alive, the whale asked questions like, "What am I?" "What is my purpose in life?" and things like that before falling to its death.

I think the whale represents all of us, the moment we appear on this earth we are already hurdling to our deaths. While we try to search for the answers to life it will already be too late, we would already leave a crater on the ground, the pot of flowers falling alongside us would be the flowers someone would leave on our gravesite.

I know all that sounds a bit morbid but it is the truth. The good news is that this apparent "freefall" in our lives is avoidable. If we know who to turn to. I do, do you?

The Church

2007-06-24T14:30:00.000+08:00

Even being a Christian, I have never worn the church comfortably. I am also never comfortable when being labeled a "church-goer". Why? Because everyone in church is always in their "sunday best". Everyone trying to look their best, everyone trying to look perfect. When faced with something like that I feel uneasy.

Why is that so? Sadly, I believe we are afraid of being judged by our Christian peers. And is this fear justified? I believe it is. We Christians are a quite judging lot. We judge about what is happening, about what other churches are doing, about a certain pastor who decided to be a celebrity, about how a fellow brother or sister did something wrong etc... With people like this, it is little wonder that people try to look their best in front of their Christian peers. One false move will provoke a wave of backlash filled with gossip, funny looks and people who judge prematurely. I am not saying I am not on occasion guilty of a lot of judging myself but as I start to learn the reasons for the existence of the church and compare it with the state of the church today. I have discovered the error of my ways; it has also left me cold and disillusioned.

To illustrate my point a bit better, I quote from an article called the “The Midnight Church” which talks about an organization called the “AA” (Alcoholics Anonymous);

“… The ‘sharing time’ was like a textbook small group, marked by compassionate listening, warm responses, and many hugs. Introductions went like this: ‘Hi, I’m Tom, and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.’ Instantly everyone shouted out in unison like a Greek chorus, ‘Hi, Tom!’ Each person attending gave a progress report on their battle with addiction…”

“… My friend freely admits that AA has replaced the church for him… The church seems irrelevant vapid, and gutless to him. Others in the group explain their resistance (of seeking the church for help) by recounting stories of rejection, judgment, ‘a guilt trip’. A local church is the last place they would stand up and declare, ‘Hi, I’m Tom, and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.’ No one would holler back, ‘Hi Tom!’”

When the author asked his AA going friend what does AA have that is missing in the church, his friend answered;

“None of us can make it on our own, isn’t that why Jesus came? Yet most church people give off a self-satisfied air of piety or superiority. I don’t sense them consciously leaning on God or each other. Their lives appear to be in order. An alcoholic who goes to church feels inferior and incomplete. It’s a funny thing, what I hate most about myself, my alcoholism, was the one thing God used to bring me back to him. Because of it, I know I can’t survive without Him. Maybe that is the redeeming value of alcoholics. Maybe God is calling us alcoholics to teach the saints what it means to be dependent on Him and on His community on earth.”

This is a lesson we should all take to heart.

Meditation

2007-06-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

In my loneliness,
When you're gone and I'm all by myself,
And I need your caress
I just think of you,
And the thought of you holding me near,
Makes my loneliness soon disappear

Though you're far away,
I have only to close my eyes,
And you are back to stay,
I just close my eyes,
And the sadness that missing you brings ,
Soon is gone and this heart of mine sings,
Yes I love you so,
And that for me is all I need to know,
I will wait for you,
Til the sun falls from out of the sky,
For what else can I do
I will wait for you meditating,
How sweet life will be,
When you come back to me

The Gay Issue

2007-05-25T21:12:00.000+08:00

Following the news these few months, you will no doubt notice that very now and then, the issue of legalising same sex marriages and homosexuality have come out and made the news. Be it a same sex marriage of a certain high profile celebrity couple or the remarks made by our very own MM Lee during a certain public function. The forums in the newspapers will come abuzz with debate about what this person did or what that person said about the gay issue without fail.

I am glad that all the articles and public debate I have come across so far in Singapore have been pragmatic and intelligent which is more than I can say for America where it has descended into a political and religious farce. Which begs the question, does religion have any place in the public debate on social issues in our postmodern world?

Firstly, I believe religion does NOT have a place in such a debate because not everyone goes by the same standard nowadays. This differing of social values and standards among individuals is a fact in our postmodern world which we can't deny. Postmodernism can be both good and bad for Christians like me because while other people can't impose upon me their social values and standards, I also can't impose my on them. This is a far cry from the days of the Roman Empire and the Middle Ages where it is the Church in Rome that imposes social values and standards on all, any deviation from those standards would be met with harsh consequences. As such I can't tell people that homosexuality is wrong just because the Bible says so because not all believe in the Bible or accept its laws and commandments. In fact I might look rather ignorant and stupid.

But after all that is said there is still some good in all this. Being influence by the things we believe in we as Christians can offer our point of view about this issue, but we must be practical and logical about it and not start waving Bibles and crosses shouting slogans about gays burning in hell. We as Christians must present an argument on how and why homosexuality is wrong and what harm it will do to the family unit and society at large rather than preaching fire and brimstone without sense. I believe that there is a way to get the Bible's message about homosexuality across without religious rhetoric and pushing into people's faces, doing that will only turn more people away.

Paul said in Corinthians that, "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." Therefore we must show how accepting homosexuality is NOT beneficial and present people with the one and only alternative. Religion might not have a place in a postmodern world, but there is always a chance to slip it in.

Jazz

2007-05-12T22:21:00.000+08:00

A lot of people have asked me why I listen to music that even my grandfather would find old fashioned. The thing is I don't really have an answer. Jazz just simply makes me feel how I think good music should make me feel. Whether it is the old multi-melodic syncopations of New Orleans Jazz or the modern Jazz done by people like Paris Match or Jazzinho, it does not matter which era the Jazz is from, as long as its Jazz it will sound right to me. Which is a lot more than I can say about certain christian music these days.

Of course I do have my favourites and preferences, but as I sat at the table with my friend at Jazz@Southbridge last week, all the music the band was playing sounded right. Their rendition of old classics like "desafinados" and "blue bossa" was spot on and flawless. I did, on a few occasions, challenge myself to put into words my feelings about Jazz only to find myself even more at a lost for words.

Fact is, I love Jazz, maybe a bit too much. But through Jazz, I think I have learnt a thing or two about love and how you should love. God willing, I pray that I can challenge myself to put into words my feelings about God's grace and mercy only to find myself even more at a lost for words. But I won't be truly lost, because God will find the words for me.

Japan

2007-04-22T13:52:00.000+08:00

I spent the whole of last week in Japan. Although I am not caught up with the Japanese craze like some of my peers, I had one thing in mind... Paris Match. Since I could not get their cds here in Singapore, I was about to buy up all of their cds I could get my hands on. I got 3. :) Although Japan is a beautiful country with beautiful people, home is always the best. Here are some pictures...

Entrance to the main Park at Ueda (lots of cherry blossoms)

Thats me!

Same park

Cherry Blossom tree

A factory I visited

View from my hotel room at Ueda

A huge underground shopping mall at Tokyo

Paris Match's latest album "Our Favourtie Pop" I bought this among others

Here's where I found it!

300

2007-03-29T20:39:00.000+08:00

I watched 300 with an old friend of mine on Monday. I enjoyed the company and the movie as well. The movie was basically adapted from the Frank Miller graphic novel which was in turn taken from the Battle of Thermopylae where King Leonidas of Sparta managed to hold off a Persian Army numbering hundreds of thousands with only three hundred men. King Leonidas held out for two days and would have lasted longer if it wasn't for a traitor in their mists.

300 was not without its controversy. Splashed over the front page of the world section of a recent issue of the Straits Times was an article about Iranian leaders making a big fuss and protesting about how the Persians in the movie were depicted. Decadent, gluttonous and sexually deviant. In fact, a certain prominent Iranian leader was quoted as saying that the movie was a propaganda tool of the west to villanize Iranians Now you might be asking why would Iranians make a big fuss about how Persians were depicted in some movie, it is because Iranians consider themselves modern Persians.

It is of course understandable how something like that would cause offence, but if the Iranian leaders stayed silent and did not stir up this huge fuss, I don't think people would link modern Iranians to ancient Persians. Yes, given that it is historical fact that Iranians have Persian ancestory, it is still a stretch of imagination for any layman to form such an association. Most of us would just enjoy the movie as it is. Furthermore, any movie, even those based on real events would have exggerated their storylines for dramatic purposes, artistic license so to speak. In fact, stirring up such a huge fuss would only lend credit to such an association.

So I guess this goes to show that even if you are offended by something somebody did, a little tolerance and silence would go a long way to make you look good.

Influences Part 2

2007-03-21T20:02:00.000+08:00

A lot of people think that philosophy can only be learnt through reading super dense and hard to understand books that are too thick for own good, the kind of books that you can kill people with by throwing it at them. That could not be further from the truth. Lessons in philosophy can also be learnt through novels and story books that are easy and enjoyable to read. In fact through reading this kind of books you might be learning philosophy without even knowing about it. Such is the power of subtlety.

But it is not a book, but a series of books I read that made an impression on me. In fact the blog you are reading now actually pays a small tribute to these series of books. I am talking about the HHGG(Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy) series of books written by Douglas Adams. He wrote five in total. There are numerous multiple subplots to the story so it is difficult to summarise in detail (you will have to read the book to find out more) but the main plot (which is set in our modern era) involves a human called Arthur Dent who is forced to travel the galaxy as a hitch hiker because earth has just been blown up and he is the only survivor.

The character that made the deepest impression on me was a robot named Marvin. According to the book, Marvin was built with "Genuine People Personalities" technology and was the most advanced robot ever built... period. He is in fact 50,000 times more intelligent than any human and even that is an understatement. Marvin often appears to be depressed and bored throughout the book series because no task he could be given would occupy even the tiniest fraction of his vast intellect and that is the true horror of Marvin's existence. In fact, there is only one time he seemed to appear happy, after seeing "God's last message to creation" after which he died.

I think Marvin is the most human character in the book even though he is a robot. We humans often feel sad and depressed even though we have everything we could ever want in life, and a little message from God no matter how nonsensical is all it takes to make all the sadness go away even though we might be staring death in the face. I find it wierd that Douglas Adams who is a fiercely atheistic man would write a character like Marvin into his novels. Perhaps in writing the character of Marvin, he unintentionally let his guard down and acknowledge that there is a human need for God no matter how atheistic one might be. Food for thought

Interesting Proposition...

2007-03-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

I was in Kuala Lumpur with both my bosses for a business trip yesterday. It was a pretty ordinary trip until the drive back to Singapore. Stopping at a hawker centre for dinner my boss offered me a very interesting proposition. Although I don't think it would be wise to reveal the details right now I can say that it will have very positive effect on my career prospects but it will also have a very profound impact on my personal life. Suffice it to say that it was very tempting.

My job has been great so far, a profound blessing. And although I gave a tentative 'yes' to my boss' proposition I have yet to ask God about it. All the things God has done for me after my NS has left me nothing but thankful and it almost makes me 'pai seh' to ask for more, which is why I don't. So perhaps taking on this proposition might be a bit too greedy, it is also a double-edged sword. Now is perhaps a good time to ask God for some wisdom and guidance.

Chinese New Year

2007-02-20T15:40:00.000+08:00

Here in Singapore where the Chinese make up most of the population, Chinese New Year is celebrated more so than the actual new year itself. This year is no exception, I have done more than my fair share of relative visiting and "Ang Bao" collecting. Most of the relatives you see in the Chinese New Year holidays are those you only get to see on Chinese New Year, you only see them once a year. Which gives you a huge sense of perspective because the same people playing "catching" with you in the void deck of your flat a little while back are now getting married and having children. It really blows my mind when I wonder where the heck all those years went.

But Chinese New Year also brings its fair share of woes. Nosey relatives will make it a point to ask you the dreaded question before every "Ang Bao" presentation,

"So How? Got girlfriend or not?"

"Err... no..." I would reply.

My Aunt closed in for the kill...

"How can?! You so good looking how come got no girlfriend! You bluffing me right?"

Sensing that her weapons were being fired, I raised my shields,

"No I am not... nowadays girls go for money not looks, maybe if you are not so stingy with your 'Ang Bao' I might be able to afford one." I said jokingly.

Knowing that her weapons had no effect she disenaged,

"wah... still as cheeky as ever..." she said as she handed me her "Ang Bao".

With that, I said my thanks and moved on with my shields still holding... but just barely.

For me personally, I don't even think I am ready for a relationship much less a marriage. But with marriage being a cornerstone of Chinese tradition and the tendancy of relatives on my mum's side to marry young... very young, well lets just say that you can't argue with tradition, you just have to live with it.

Equality?!

2007-02-07T19:47:00.000+08:00

I remember watching one episode of the sitcom called “The Office" on Arts Central. In it, the boss of the office who was basically self-centered and ego-centric, was the first to dash out for safety at the sound of a fire alarm while the others tried to help each other to evacuate and let the women go first. When brought to account for that self-centered and cowardly act, he had this to say, "Women and men are equal in the workplace so if I let the women go first I will have a lawsuit on my hands." Although it was said for comedic effect, I felt that it reveals a certain amount of hypocrisy.

Humanity has been trying to achieve some kind of equality for ages and at all levels whether it be race, gender, opportunities for education etc... We had some degree of success with regards to that but has the pursuit of equality turned us into a society of hypocrites?

Take the workplace for example; an employee can sue an employer for discrimination and receive certain compensations if the case is won. That is fair because the employee was being discriminated against and unequally treated, but what if it was the exact opposite whereby an employee was given preferential treatment and he or she has certain perks and privileges not available to another employee in the same position. Would he or she sue the employer for preferential treatment? Isn’t he or she unequally treated as well?

I guess the problem with the “doctrine of equality” (so to speak) is how we use it. We only pursue equality in areas that benefit us and turn a blind eye to it in the areas where we stand to lose out. If that is the case then the word “equality” when used in that light becomes a misnomer. That is why so many double standards arise in the world when we try to make things equal, which allows the root of hypocrisy to grow leading only to the promotion of self-interest. That being the case, I guess nothing is strictly equal.

Influences Part 1

2007-01-26T20:51:00.001+08:00

I can tell you that I am only influenced by God and the Bible, that I run my life strictly based on what the Good Book says. If I did, I would be lying to you. Sometimes you just can't help it, some things just grab hold of you and never let go. Therefore, I have decided to post some of the things that got a hold on me so that perhaps you can get a better idea of where I come from when reading my other posts. I intend to make this a series. I hope...

Last week I caught the local debating TV show on Channel 5 called "The Arena". Its basically a revamped version of the traditional debating format that school students compete in. The topic for the week was that if people were self centered by nature. While the debate was pretty much a one sided affair, the topic reminded me of a school of philosophy called "objectivism". I came across it while doing a bit of research for a philosophy and worldview course that I did few years ago.

In this philosophy, a man's sole purpose in life is the pursuit of his own happiness through logic and reason. In that pursuit of happiness that man must not expect others to make sacrifices for his happiness nor must he sacrifice himself for the sake of others, that is considered immoral. It was created by a philosopher/novelist Ayn Rand. So fascinated I was with her thinking that I bought one of her best selling books titled "Atlas Shrugged".

The reason I guess I was so taken by her philosophy was because it flies in the face of what "traditional" philosophies tells you about altruism, caring for your fellow men. But objectivism frowns upon altruism as evil, a total opposite. The movement waned somewhat after Ayn Rand's death and other more traditional philosophers have branded objectivism as just a fad, something that has faded away. But I disagree, if you look at how the world is at the moment and the way people think, you will come to see that objectivism has more of a hold now than ever before.

The videos below are parts of an interview she did for television so you could hear it right from the horses' mouth (so to speak). I think you will agree with me that she is brilliant, flawed maybe but brilliant nonetheless.

Part 1 of 3

Part 2 of 3

Part 3 of 3

Yesterday Night

2007-01-18T20:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night, I was watching "Arts Central" in my room, the channel was airing a documentary series called "Taboo" which delves in how different cultures have different reactions and practices to certain things and what might be taboo in some cultures are perfectly ok in others.

This particular episode I was watching was covering different definitions of beauty by different cultures and what extend they go to to achieve their definition of beauty. Some of them were pretty extreme, for example the women from a tribe in the island of Java willingly chip their teeth to look "beautiful." The process of "teeth chipping" (so to speak) involves some shaman chipping the teeth with nothing but a wooden hammer and a parang so it is a pretty painful.

But what caught my eye was the part about people in China who purposely break their legs and forcefully lengthen them just to look taller. The reason they do this is because short people are looked down upon and shunned in China. My uncle once broke his leg while playing football a few years back and the pain and suffering he when through was enormous. Even now, being fully recovered he still feels occasional pain and weakness in that leg especially during rainy weather. But now we have people willing to through twice the hell my uncle went through just to get a few centimetres of height. Twice because my uncle only broke one leg. :)

There is no doubt that being "pleasant looking" does give you a headstart in life. It will help in getting a job, attracting a mate and even being socially accepted. But are we going to change a part of ourselves just to be accepted by a social circle, just to get that job or even just to make that guy/girl fall in love with me? Or are we going to stay true to ourselves and find friends that will take us for who we are, make the effort to look for a job we truly enjoy and find fulfilling and fall in love with someone who will truly love us for who we are? Is changing who we are whether physically or otherwise a betrayal to the way God made you? These were the questions I asked myself in my sleep yesterday night

Craziness

2007-01-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

2006 is gone and right now we are about a week plus into 2007. But as I look back into 2006, I can't help thinking what a crazy year it was. Taking it from a worldwide perspective, the most powerful man in the world (for those of you who do not know who I am talking about, maybe it is better that way) dug himself into a deeper hole than he was in, Iraq being a big factor in that. Sometimes when I watch some of his speeches and press conferences on YouTube, It feels as though he is talking to a five year old kid.

Then we have North Korea, one of the poorest and isolated countries in the world whose all powerful leader managed to gather enough resources go nuclear while their people starve in famine. I guess that is what happens when your priorities are screwed up, people closest to you suffer.

Closer to home in South East Asia, we have a coup in Thailand, Vietnam and Philippines each got two visits from typoons where people were killed, causing much destruction and suffering. It rained like never before in December which caused floods in neighbouring Malaysia displacing tens of thousands from their homes and again causing much destruction and suffering. The fact that Singapore managed to get by relatively unscathed amist all this chaos is nothing short of God's grace and mercy.

Yes 2006 is a crazy year but 2007 looks set not to disappoint. Already an execution of a former dictator (Saddam) has already gone horribly wrong turning him into a heroic icon even a martyr. Not only was the execution badly timed (it coincided with the Islamic Haj celebrations), it has also become a farce. Apparently, someone decided it was a bright idea to tape the execution and when the video leaked out into the mass media, we see people taunting him telling him to "burn in hell", while Saddam seemed to have this otherworldly dignity about him waiting for his time to come. Now I do not know much about executions but I think if the most dignified looking man in an execution is the man who is about to die then I think the whole thing could have been better managed.

Now with all this craziness one might be tempted to think that he or she is the only sane person in the world, but in this crazy world being sane might be very unhealthy. :)

Bittersweet

2006-12-31T22:45:00.000+08:00

God has been good to me in 2006. ORD loh! Found a stable job, stable finances and looking for opportunities to further my studies. Now that it is the end of the year, I look back at 2006 and I am blessed and content.

But this was the year in which I have learnt a sad and bitter lesson. Despite all the good things happening to me on the surface, I have never felt more alone. When faced with one's problems, one is truly and utterly alone. No friends or companions will be able to help you because you alone make the decisions on what solutions to take on your problems and you alone and will either enjoy the benefits or suffer the conseqences of your actions.

I have always thought that it is the norm to have a group of friends or just a friend that you will treasure who will never think twice to help you out in your time of need. But this year, I have found my friendships useless, not because they are not willing to help but because they can't. They are human too, with limitations and flaws. It was a hard and bitter pill to swallow, I have come to accept that my view of friendship is flawed and I only ever needed just one companion in life. God Himself.

Taking this lesson to heart, the changes are quite visible (at least to me). I have learnt to live and let live, accepting that people will come and go in your life. We will draw close, drift apart and perhaps never see each other again. I also seemed to have become more decisive, making decisions with less consideration about what others might think. And perhaps, this lesson when taken to heart will increase my dependance on God. I do hope that is the case.

Blessed new year!

Missed Opportunity?

2006-12-20T19:48:00.000+08:00

Few weeks ago I recieved a phone call from my grandma. She along with my grandpa wanted to go visit my dad and family down in Miri, Sarawak and asked me if I wanted to come along. I had never wanted much to do with my dad, since he was not a big part of my life in the first place (long and complicated story). In fact when he offered to provide for my further studies after my NS, I turned him down, I told him I would rather pay my own way. Ever so often when I go to my grandma's place to indulge myself in her home cooked meals that I badly miss. Other family members, aunts, uncles etc. would try to encourage me to talk to my father. Even they sense the hostility.

To top it all off, my mum has even got into the act. Once when she was talking to me about my father, I in my insensitivity tried remind her what happened to their marriage and how they too are also not exactly on talking terms. She replied, "he is your father after all, you should give him a chance." Some part of me wanted to make things right with my father, I did ask God for the chance when He thinks I am ready, so perhaps this phone call from my grandma was that chance.

Sadly, I gave an excuse to my grandma, I told her I wasn't sure if I could take leave now and stalled my decision saying, "see first lah." Probably a knee jerk reaction because I was taken by surprise. But after thinking it through for a few days, I decided that it would be foolish of me to let this chance pass by whether it was divinely appointed or not, so I call my grandma back to tell her I was going.

This was what she told me, "I am not going already lah! The airfare is ridiculous! $700 for a one way ticket! I can fly to Hongkong, fly back and still have shopping money!"

I replied, "but if you go to Senai airport it would be much cheaper and..."

"Cannot lah boy, we old already" my grandma interrupted, "You cannot expect me and grandpa to travel up and down from Johor like that, it is very tiring. Anyway I emailed your father to tell him we are not coming already lah... eh I got to go... call me if you want to come for dinner ok? Bye bye."

Was it a missed opportunity or a door that was divinely closed to prevent me from making a mistake? Maybe the time just isn't right yet. All I know is that God works mysteriously and I just have to go with the flow. Still, I feel that it was an interesting story to blog, hope you liked it.

Marriage?!

2006-12-07T20:52:00.000+08:00

I was having dinner with a close army friend yesterday. We had a good time catching up with each other sharing with each other about our lives after the army. The talk eventually fell on marriage. I told him I was planning my life on the assumption that I was never going to get married and he responded saying, "dunno leh, this kind of thing very hard to say one leh." I agree with him but still saw no harm in planning my life the way I am doing. A wise man once said, "plan like Jesus is never going to come, live like He is coming tomorrow."

Unlike most of my peers, whether Christian or not. I do not believe in the romantic notion of love. Put it simply I do not believe in romance. To me, there is no such thing as a "one true love" whom you are destined to meet, no "princess charming" that I am suppose to fight dragons for and rescue from a tower and I most definitely do not believe that God has made someone special out there with you in mind (that is the most ridiculous statement yet).

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in love. The apostle Paul said that love is the greatest thing of all. Love is the very essence of my Christian faith, it is what drew me to Christianity in the first place. But we must be very careful not to associate love with romance. I believe that when two people love each other so much that they are willing to commit to the vows of marriage with each other, God will bless and honour that vow. If the vow is broken in any way, the vow breaker/s will be held accountable, plain and simple. And if you choose not to take such a vow, God will bless you too and respect your decision.

In every marriage there are sacrifices to be made, compromises to be reached, quarrels to be settled, expectations to meet, responsibilities to fulfil and last but not least, ang pows to give away every chinese new year :). It takes COMMITMENT and EFFORT to make a marriage work, those two words are sadly lacking in almost half the marriages of today that end up in divorce.

With all that I have said, marriage doesn't sound so attractive anymore right? Well I guess that is where love comes in. If you love your "significant other" enough to put up with all that crap then by all means go ahead and get married. Romance does not sustain a marriage, love does. Do not think for a second that your marriage will take care of itself because you guys are "specially made for one another" and "destined to meet." There is not such thing, it is just philosopical crap from the Romantics of the 18th century.

So if you think that love is the product of destiny and fate, maybe you should take romance out of the equation and think again. You will find that it is the product of commitment and effort, much like our relationship with Christ. You might argue that these are two different kinds of love but I can assure you that it takes the same ingredients to make it work.

Truly Asia

2006-11-25T17:35:00.000+08:00

I went on a trip to Malaysia for my work on Thursday and Friday with a full plate of things to do. My boss gave me a lift to Senai airport in JB and I was basically on my own. From JB I had to fly to KL, do some stuff there and then fly again to Penang on the same day (Thursday). Stay one night in Penang, do some stuff there then fly back to JB and find transport back to Singapore (Friday).

I thank God for guiding me throughout this trip and providing me with friendly people that gave me friendly directions to get to certain places in the best possible way (apparently taxi is not always the answer). I also thank God for stretching my time making me able to catch all my flights as my schedule was very tight, in fact I almost missed the one from Penang to JB.

Two incidents come to mind as I think about my trip there. First, I was in KL taking the Malaysian version of the MRT to a bus interchange to catch a bus that would get me to the airport. Some guy I approached for directions suggested the train instead of a taxi to avoid the rush hours jams which are massive in KL. It was a brilliant suggestion as I got to the airport with enough time to check in and have my dinner at the airport. I also saw the jams when I was on the train. They were MASSIVE.

But when I was on the train, someone who apparently thought I was a local asked me for directions. He asked, "hello, are you familiar with this area or not?" I said no and that I- like him was not from KL. I don't think it takes too much observation to figure out I was not from KL. First I have a piece of luggage that I was carrying around the entire time I was there. Second, I was blur as sotong during my train journey, anxiously looking for my stop and checking constantly to see of the train I was on was the correct one. I stood out like a sore thumb. Yet the gentleman apparently thought I looked like a local.

The second incident happened when I returned to Singapore. Finally smelling home air after two days of hard work in Malaysia, the feeling was good. I boarded a taxi at Kranji to return to my office in Macpherson. During the journey my taxi driver and I engaged in some small talk. Part of it when something like this.

Taxi driver: "wah, its been raining here everyday. How is the whether in Malaysia?"

Me: "ok lah, it was also raining the 2 days I was there"

Taxi driver: "hah? 2 days only ar, you not Malaysian meh?"

Me: "No I am Singaporean."

Taxi driver: "orr.... I thought you Malaysian..."

Judging from these two incidents, I apparently look like a Malaysian (no offense, I think Malaysians are nice people :) ). Which reminds me of one last thing. I met a potential customer in Penang to give him some brochures of the machines we sell and their prices. When he saw what the machines costs he quiped, "with the amount of money these machines costs, I can buy a plot of land in Malaysia build a house and stay there." Maybe I should do that, since I already look the part.

Love

2006-11-20T20:45:00.000+08:00

It is ironic that when the greatest love of all is given so freely, human love has to be earned. It is also often costly and not worth the effort.

Reactions

2006-11-12T20:14:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the true colours of a community can be seen not by something horrible and wrong done by someone to or from that community, but by its reaction to it. Still not following? Okay, take for example september 11th, a horrible act no doubt. But it brought to light the unity, determination and tenacity of New Yorkers and the entire American community at large. The reaction to the disaster brought to light the true strength and human spirit of those affect by it.

Unfortunately this time I am covering something less positive. Ted Haggard president of the National Association of Evangelicals (30 million strong) admited to using drugs and the services of a gay prostitute. When the whole thing came to light, he resigned his post and is now suspended from the association he helped found. What made things worse for him was his aggressively anti-gay stance, in fact he recently did a gay bashing sermon in his "Jesus Camp" movie. Now that clip is all over the net serving as an ultimate point in irony and hypocrisy.

Now there is no denying what he did was wrong, there is also no denying that he will eventually bear the consequences of his actions. What Ted Haggard did is not my point, we all have sinned and fallen short just like the Bible said so I am not about to judge. It is the reaction to what he did that I am concerned about. Just watch this.

Jokes aside Jon Stewart in my view was spot on about the reaction of other Chirstian leaders in America regarding this issue. They really seem to be "holier than thou", marginalizing Haggard and dropping him like a political hot potato not even giving thought to how his congregation and his family are affected by all this and how to go about helping them, some went as far as to question the unity and integrity of his congregation most of whom I believe are upstanding Christians. Remember the story where Jesus said, "let he who has no sin cast the first stone"? I think some of the Christian leaders have already casted theirs.

Now here's the thing, if a politican drops a former political ally who has fallen from grace like a "hot potato" we would not even bat an eyelash. Such things are happening in the case of Mark Foley in the US and Chen Shui Bian in Taiwan. Why is that? Because politics is dirty, simple as that. But is reacting that way a right thing for Christians to do? Are not we Christians judged by a higher standard? How will we react if something like this were to happen in Singapore? Why I am asking these questions? Because our true colours might be shown through our reactions.

In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning

2006-11-05T19:53:00.000+08:00

When the sun is high, in the afternoon sky
There will always be something to do
But from dusk till dawn, as the clock ticks on
Something happens to you

In the wee small hours of the morning
When the whole wide world is fast asleep
You lie awake and think about your problems
And never even think of counting sheep

When your troubled self has learnt its lesson
He would help if only you would call
In the wee small hours of the morning
Thats the time you need Him most of all
Thats the time you need Him most of all

Birthdays and Transformers

2006-10-30T20:36:00.001+08:00

Today is my birthday, (yes yes one year older woohoo... ). Being one year older does give you a bit of perspective, to add to that perspective is the upcoming release of the "Transformers" motion picture. Finally, we are able to see our favourite "robots in disguise" interact in the real world and "transform" before our very eyes, making that funny robotic sound when they do.

I remember in my earlier birthdays when I was still a kid and my dad bought me my first Transformer toy, I was very happy. I thought to myself, "wouldn't it be great to be able to own all the Transfomer toys? Wouldn't it be great to actually see them in real life?" Transformers were like my purpose in life during those times, and that is the reason why the movie is being made now. It does not take rocket science to tell you that it make perfect business sense.

Millions of kids like me were also drawn into the world of the Transformers when the cartoon series first rolled out, and kids like me grow up. The difference is now kids like me now have incomes, more spending power and are eager to relive their long lost and sorely missed childhoods, and they have the money to do it. Not only will they be happily buying tickets to the movie but the licensing deals on toy, computer games etc... would be enormous. Plus, it is also a good way to capture the imagination of today's kids and pull them away from their Power Rangers or Pokemon or whatever the hell kids watch these days.

This movie has been a long time coming, but it is only now that the technology exists to make such an endeavour practical. So I guess we should count ourselves lucky that we live in an age where we can see our childhood dreams come alive. But I wonder what would happen 10- 15 years later when the "pokemon generation" grows up. The last thing I want to see in the cinema is a computer generated "Pikachu" jumping around and acting cute in a motion picture. The thought of it alone is disturbing. I guess I should stop thinking about it and enjoy what is left of my birthday.

Mankind

2006-10-24T14:48:00.000+08:00

"I love mankind - it's people I can't stand!" Linus Van Pelt in Peanuts

I Need Inspiration!!!

2006-10-19T20:16:00.000+08:00

It is becoming an increasing challenge to keep this blog updated because it is more difficult to find blog-worthy stuff to blog about. Life after the army is much quieter and things are beginning to settle down. Though I did get a letter stating that I will be on standby for mobilisation. The lousy army can't leave me alone for three months.

I am not complaining, I am doing ok. Waking up, going for breakfast, reading the papers, going to work, coming back home to relax. My job gives me a sense of challenge and satisfaction, my boss is good and my colleagues are friendly with none of that office politics crap which I want nothing to do with. I have a roof over my head, enough money to use and provide for myself. Things are falling into a sort of a timetable and I am fairly satisfied with how I spend each day although I still think I don't leave enough time for God, that is a constant struggle.

This so called "lack of inspiration" in my life have highlighted all the mundane stuff I often take so for granted in my life. Yes, life in the commandos was high-key and exciting filled with challenges and milestones. Thanking God for giving me the strength to complete my 72km route march is one thing but what about giving thanks for the mundane, your everyday life? Now I have started giving thanks for having the ability to support myself, having a good job, having good friends and a loving family to look out for me. Now I thank God for the mundane.

Cell Group

2006-10-15T15:01:00.000+08:00

I was having lunch with my boss on Thursday and the “lunch table talk” eventually when to church (my boss is a Christian). He ask me whether I was part of a cell group in my church, I told him that I was part of one and I am now looking for joining a working adults cell group in my church. Then he said something that shocked me especially when it was coming from an elder Christian. He told me that he was a cell leader before and from the perspective he had as a cell leader, he is convinced that the cell group system was not good for Christians and warn me not to get too involved. I was quite taken aback by that remark because I often thought that being part of a cell group is considered good for a Christian.

I could not shake that remark off for the rest of the day. I got to thinking, how did a healthy church going Christian come to this conclusion? Looking at how my boss practices his faith, it would not be illogical to think that he is currently part of or even leading a cell group. But here he is criticizing the every system I have come to see as one of the foundations of being Christian. Did not the early church of the apostles work very much the same way, meeting in small groups eating, worshipping and fellowshipping together?

Then I started to look for examples of Christians who did well alone. Joseph was one example. He spent most of his young life alone but he kept the faith and was used mightily by God in Egypt. I am not saying that we are all Josephs by any stretch of the imagination, but it does lend weight to my boss' arguments. I also started thinking about my experiences in cell groups, most of which is not good. When I think about times in COR with the El-Shaddai cell group, I think I spent more time just trying to fit into the social circle than learning and talking more about Christ and if that is the case the cell group is nothing more than a social club.

Maybe it is just me, but perhaps going alone has its merits. I am relieved of the pressure and distraction of having to fit into the social mold of a cell group. I am not saying that cell groups are bad; I am saying that perhaps cell groups though good for a majority of Christians may not be good for all. My boss chose to go it alone in his walk with Christ, I just might be tempted to do the same.

Chad Vader

2006-10-03T20:32:00.000+08:00

A while ago I posted a couple of Star Wars fan films on this blog, namely "Troops" and "Chad Vader". These films have considerable quality, are funny and are done by super dedicated fans of Star Wars with nothing better to do. What I did not realize is that one of these films I posted happen to be the first of a series, so here's presenting "Chad Vader" episode 2 and 3.

P.S. You have to have knowledge of some of Darth Vader's more memorable quotes in Star Wars to understand some of the jokes but nonetheless enjoy!

Episode 2

Episode 3

Open Road

2006-10-01T21:09:00.000+08:00

Last week during a meal with Audrey, I asked her a very unusual question. I asked her if I was an approachable person, and she in all the honesty which I have grown to rely on and appreciate, said, "no". Then I asked her if I should change that, that I should make myself more approachable, she said that if I did I would not be "me" anymore, adding that I was a guy who prefers to be distant and thats just the way it is.

Honestly, I was quite uncomfortable with what Audrey said. Not the part that I was unapproachable(I was comfortable that way), but that I should not try to change the way I am. Because I fear that being distant and keeping people at arms length will give people a wrong impression on me. It already has in some cases.

Though I must say I do have a few friends who I am very close to and pour my heart out to in certain times and I take this opportunity to thank them (you know who you are). They are the ones who chose to look past my distant self and approach me to extend the hand of friendship and for that I am grateful. :)

But I guess Audrey was right, I should not make apologies for who I am. God made me, fearfully and wonderfully for His purpose and I should not care about people's impressions on me be it good or bad. That is their problem not mine.

Someone once said that life was like walking on an open road. There are some people you will pass without notice, there are some who you will stop to talk to for a while before going on your separate ways. Then there are some that will walk with you on a certain length of your journey and then turn a different direction when you reach a crossroad and yet there are a few who will take your hand and walk with you together to the end. And if I walked this "open road" being the way I am and not trying to be someone I am not. I will have no regrets, I am ready.

Violence

2006-09-22T22:08:00.000+08:00

One of the many things making news recently was the comment made by the pope about Islam. The furor started when the pope quoted Byzantine emperor Manuel Palaiologos the second. The quote was

"Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."

The pope later apologized... well sort of. He said and I quote

"I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages in my address which were considered offensive to the sensibility of Muslims"

Note the careful choice of words in the pope's statement. He is not sorry for what he said, he is sorry that people just happened to be offended by what he said. It is like shooting somebody and being sorry that the person just happen to be in the path of the bullet you fired. In other words, the pope is sticking to what he said. He still believes that Islam is built on violence.

But after all that is being said you would think that muslims around the world outraged by the pope's comments will set out and prove him wrong right? Well... no. This excerpt from an article in the Associated Press says it all.

"Palestinians wielding guns and firebombs attacked five churches in the West Bank and Gaza on Saturday, following remarks by Pope Benedict XVI that angered many Muslims.

In a phone call to The Associated Press, a group calling itself the "Lions of Monotheism" claimed responsibility for those attacks, saying they were carried out to protest the pope's remarks in a speech this week in Germany linking Islam and violence.

Later Saturday, four masked gunmen doused the main doors of Nablus' Roman and Greek Catholic churches with lighter fluid, then set them afire. They also opened fire on the buildings, striking both with bullets."

The irony seems to be lost on them. Here is somebody linking your religion with evil and violence so you decided to respond with violence? Did they ever think that there is another way to protest the pope's remarks other than fire bombing churches? Perhaps hold a peaceful rally or something like that? And what was the pope thinking? Did he think he could get away with a comment like that? Or did he think his statements about Islam would be proven right? Is he right? A bit of food for thought.

Chivalry

2006-09-19T20:07:00.000+08:00

Yup, chivalry is dead, but I did not murder it. And it is definitely not Colonel Mustard in the ballroom with a candlestick. (Sorry, couldn't resist. Hahahaha!!!)

While listening to a certain morning radio show I heard the DJs bemoaning the death of chivalry and invited people to SMS their views. One of the SMS messages they read (obviously from a woman) lambasted men for their bottomless egos and called all men MCPs (Male Chauvinist Pigs). I thought to myself, "chivalry is one thing, but calling all men chauvinistic and pigs? Who is the chauvinist now? Definitely not the gender starting with the alphabet 'M'. " Blanket judgments on people just because of a few bad experiences is hardly fair. Just because I know a few annoying people means that all the people I meet are annoying. And people who lay blanket judgments annoy me. :P

But I do know of a few women who try to have their cake and eat it too. They expect to be equals with men(nothing wrong with that) and given preferential treatment at the same time (something wrong with that). I once heard a lady friend (who was in a relationship) of mine commenting, "what's mine is mine, what's his is also mine." I won't comment on the outcome of the relationship the end result should be quite obvious with that kind of mentality, but these are the kind of people that are killing chivalry. People like this turn men off from chivalry.

I guess if we want to resurrect chivalry (if at all possible) women must realize that chivalry is not an entitlement, it is a privilege. Being a women does not entitle you to chivalry, instead, be a woman that a man be can chivalrous to, and feel good about it later. Maybe recognizing that might be the first step.

Sin and Sinners

2006-09-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

Okay, I had a case of food poisoning and didn't go to church last weekend. I spent half my day at the toilet and the other half at the net, since I had nothing else to do but to wait for my next trip to the toilet. I stumbled upon something very disturbing. It is called the "God Hates Fags." An anti gay movement base in America founded by Fred Waldron Phelps from the Westboro Baptist Church. The video provides an idea of what they are all about.

Now there is no doubt about what the bible says about homosexuality, it is wrong, it is a sin and a sin that goes unforgiven will damm you to hell. But I think there is a critical error in judgement on the part of Mr Phelps. I believe we have to separate the sin from the sinner. I read this article in one of my books that I think serves as a good counterpoint and also serves to make my point. It is titled "No Right To Scorn

I happened to be in Washington, D.C., on a day when 300,000 gay rights activists gathered there to march. The October day was chilly, and gray clouds spit raindrops on the column of marchers snaking through the capital. As I stood on the sidelines directly in front of the White House, I watched a rather remarkable confrontation. About forty policemen, many of them mounted on horses, had formed a protective circle around a small group of Christian protesters. Thanks to their huge orange posters featuring vivid renditions of hellfire, the tiny knot of true believers had managed to attract most of the press photographers. Despite being outnumbered by the gays 15,000 to 1, the protesters were yelling inflammatory slogans at the marchers.

Faggots go home!" their leader screamed into a microphone, and the others took up the chant: "Faggots go home, faggots go home. ..." When that got tiresome, they switched to "Shame-on-you-for-what-you-do." Between chants the leader delivered brimstone sermonettes about false priests, wolves in sheep's clothing, and the hottest fires in hell (which, he said, were reserved for sodomites and other perverts).

"AIDS, AIDS, it's comin' your way" was the last taunt in the protesters' repertoire, and the one shouted with the most enthusiasm. I, along with the protesters, had just seen a sad procession of several hundred persons with AIDS — some in wheelchairs, some with the gaunt and sunken faces of concentration-camp survivors, some covered with purplish sores. Listening to the chant, I could not fathom how anyone could wish that fate on another human being.

The gay marchers themselves had a mixed response to the Christians. The rowdy ones blew kisses or retorted, "Bigots! Bigots! Shame on you!" One group of lesbians got a few laughs from the press by yelling in unison to the protesters, "We want your wives!"

Among the marchers were at least 3000 who identified themselves with various religious groups: the Catholic "Dignity" movement, the Episcopalian group "Integrity," and even a sprinkling of Mormons and Seventh Day Adventists. Over 1000 marched under the banner of the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), a denomination that professes a mostly orthodox theology except for its stance on homosexuality.

This last group had a poignant reply to the beleaguered Christian protesters: they drew even, turned to face them, and sang, "Jesus loves you, this we know, for the Bible tells us so."

The abrupt ironies in that scene of confrontation stayed with me long after I left Washington. On the one side were "righteous" Christians defending pure doctrine. On the other were "sinners," many of whom openly admit to homosexual practice. Yet one side spewed out hate and the other sang of Jesus' love.

I think its time for us Christians to wake up. The very same gospel we use to preach the love and peace of Christ is being used to preach hate and scorn. Although I pray that the gays will one day see the light and turn from their homosexual ways, I also pray that the Westboro Baptist Church and others like it will also see the light, separate the sin from the sinner and once again preach the gospel the way it is meant to be preach. They are the ones doing the real damage, not the gays

Paris Match

2006-09-03T15:25:00.000+08:00

"Remember how we started? Remember how we found that feeling?" Sound familiar Dom? Haha! Dom was curious about my MSN nick and I like to take that chance to introduce to you one of my favourite jazz outfits named "Paris Match" based in Japan. They were introduced to me by Stanley, my army friend.

I have never been a fan of Japanese music, even if it was jazz, but there is something about Paris Match that attracted me to their music. They portray a consistent image, naming all of their albums by numbers, avoiding putting too many pictures of themselves in their album prefering to use landscape and imagery instead and they do excellent covers of English pop classics like "Arthur's Theme" and "Lets Stay Together"(My personal favourite), provided you can excuse their bad English.

It seems that whatever they do, be it Bossa Nova, Jazz etc... Their style is still recognizable, they never let the genre of music they are doing consume their creative licence. They have a "Paris Match style." Which blends in seemlessly with any genre of music they do and speaks to their consistency. All in all they are a mature, laid back and musically and technically one of the best bands I have seen of any genre. Too bad you can't get their CDs here, I had to ask a friend to buy it from Korea but there is always P2P file sharing. Hahaha! :P

Here are a list of their albums
1) Volume One
2) PM2
3) Type III
4) Song For You (Christmas Album)
5) Quattro
6) b5 (Flat 5)
7) 5th Anniversary (Special)
8) After Six

PS. Here their site http://www.jvcmusic.co.jp/parismatch/index2.html (its in Japanese)

Jakarta

2006-09-02T21:10:00.000+08:00

I admit I was guilty for not posting in this blog that I spent the week that past in Jakarta, for job purposes. It was an educational trip, the traffic was well... I can't comment on the traffic without cursing and swearing so it is best not to. It became immediately apparent that I had to pick up Bahasa Indonesia fast considering the fact that I would be there quite often from now on. Rarely anybody speaks a word of English. Not even in what was suppose to be an international airport, and added to that, what little Bahasa I know is Bahasa Melayu which most of the locals do not understand. So that was for first impressions

On a side note before leaving for Jakarta last week, I wanted to inform my friends about my trip through SMS. I tried spelling Jakarta on the "all powerful" T9 mobile dictionary every handphone on earth has but I simply could not. Jakarta was simply not in the dictionary. I remembered that the word was spelled J-A-K-A-R-T-A, but my phone would have none of it, saying that I was wrong and had to spell the word in manually.

So I thought, "ok, I must have remembered the spelling wrongly." Therefore I turned on my computer and logged on to the "really all powerful" "dictionary.com" and typed in J-A-K-A-R-T-A and lo and behold, my spelling was right. Jakarta simply doesn't exist in my phone. So I got curious and tried to input words like "Singapore", "Taiwan", "Malaysia" into my phone, all of it was there except "Jakarta". The capital of the most populous Musilm nation in the world, you would have thought that at least earned you a place in the dictionary, even if its a phone dictionary.

Indonesia as a nation has been through a lot, terror bombings, tsunamis, earthquakes and fickle minded volcanoes that can't decide went to erupt. But there were no signs of that in Jakarta, it was business as usual. It definitely speaks volumes of the peoples' will to survive and make a living for themsevles. But I can't help but feel that the people in Jakarta are also in denial of whats happening in their country, turning a blind eye to tragedies and trying to go about their business. This is a country that needs God and definitely needs a lot of prayer, though I admit I have no particular burden for Indonesia I do acknowledge the nation's needs and will not hesitate to put my hand to the plow if required.

Issues

2006-08-25T20:26:00.000+08:00

I had a very good talk with Audrey on Sunday after church, the first after a very long time and our talk eventually came to issues in church and our Christian lives. We felt that there were certain things in church that weren't quite right, certain things taken to the extreme and where striking a balance is critical. Yes, I know I am sounding ambiguous but what was shared was between me and her, and until we both agree to share the details I guess I will have to keep you in suspense.

The reason I brought this up is because we have decided to do something and start the ball rolling. I know my friends in church, they are good people and have been a good influence in my life. What disturbs me is that they tend to take what the church leadership says unquestionably and at face value. Now don't get me wrong here, I too respect the church leadership and RCC has been good to me ever since I moved there 2 years ago. In fact, my friends in RCC set me right on a lot of things that were wrong in my life whether they know it or not.

RCC means a lot to me, and I fear that if I were to do something in accordance with my spiritual conviction but contrary to the church's so called "manifesto" I would be branded as a rouge or a rebel of sorts which is not what I am trying to be. It is the culture of unquestioned leadership that I fear. Right now I guess we are doing fine but what happens if all the "what ifs" become reality? What if we get bad leadership? Does the culture of unquestioned leadership changed or do we just follow like drones?

I guess I have developed a growing frustration of what I call "assembly line Christianity" where we work the way we are made to work, having no spiritual will of our own. Just because this pastor says this so it has to be true. Just because my leader gave me this advice then it has to be followed. Even the apostle Paul encouraged people reading his epistles to test his teachings against the Word of God and challenged them not to take it at face value. I can only pray that more people will rise to Paul's challenge

Perspective

2006-08-21T21:06:00.000+08:00

Aptly titled "Forced Perspective", get it? My blog getsomeperspective? Hahaha! It gives you a "unique" view about things happening in the middle east. The ultimate in sarcarsm.

Invention

2006-08-19T21:47:00.000+08:00

My computer broke down on Tuesday, some virus or something. So I sent it for repair expecting to get it back by the next day but I was wrong. I got my back 3 days later. And I suffered in those 3 days. I couldn't play my games, I couldn't check my email, I couldn't chat with my friends on MSN and I couldn't update this blog! All I could do was watch TV and the only thing on was Singapore Idol!!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! THE HORROR!!! THE HORROR!!!

For 2 days I watched Gurmit Singh and Daniel Ong (The hosts of the show and very poor hosts at that) desperately reminding Singaporeans that Singapore Idol was a singing competition. And that voters should vote for who they thought was the best singer. But alas their efforts went to waste when a very vocally talented singer (Matilda) got voted off, and this despite her consistently good performances, continuously good feedback from the judges and the fact that according to Flo (1 of the Idol judges), Matilda had no competition vocally. Singing competition or popularity contest? Hmm...

Anyway back to subject, I was lost without my computer. Which really highlighted my dependence on technology, I would be in sorry shape without my handphone and I would hardly survive a 1 hour bus ride without my mp3 player. Hell I even have a PDA with an electronic Bible installed. There is no doubt in my mind that all these new inventions make our life easier, but maybe it is too much of a good thing. In the near future, I reckon that we would allow computers to control everything from nuclear missiles to washing machines. These computers will link together, attain sentience and decide to eradicate the human race... hmm, think I got that idea from a movie. Sounds a bit Terminator(ish).

A wise man once said that we are, "victims of our own inventions". We should listen to him, he has a point.

My First Week

2006-08-19T21:17:00.000+08:00

I entered this week with a bit of excitement and trepidation. I went for my first day of work on monday totally not knowing what to expect. But my fears were quickly laid to rest when I met my boss and the people who I will soon call my colleagues. I really thank God for guiding me to making the decision to take up this job offer and not be swept up by what the world defines as a "career." People were calling me crazy for rejecting a $1700 a month job for something $300 lower. Maybe I am.

I took to my new boss and colleagues very well. They were very nice to me and taught me the skills of the trade with the utmost patience. Later I found out that most of my colleagues including my boss who owns the company are christian. There is no feeling of stress, no pressure to learn quickly and perform, I don't come home from work all shagged out but still have energy to do other things like run, shop all play my computer games.

My greatest fear was that my job will become really monotonous really fast but so far that has not happened after one week. Perhaps because everything seems fresh and new to me so I pray that the freshness of the job stays. But still I thank God for guiding me to this job.