My Place

I would be lying if I said that recent events in my church have not affected my faith. But I guess it depends on what you based your faith on. Although I am critical of the institution we call the church, I take no pleasure in seeing it crumble. Especially if it crumbles at the very hands of the christians supporting it.

Whatever it is, I place my faith in God that He will not fail me. I know that my place is in the church, the support for my calling is also in the church. Despite my misgivings about the church there is no denying that God is in it, working to improve it and calling me to contribute. My place right now is at RCC.

I will not judge those who decide to leave, some of them are my close friends and they have my full support. The rabbi Gamaliel taught me a very good and simple lesson, that if something is of human origin, it will fail. If it is from God, whatever you do will not stop them. So I will not try to stop them, in fact I wish them all the best. For me, friendships transcend even church loyalties.

I want to keep my faith simple, I do not want whatever church politics and human elements to complicate the matter. In the words of DC-Talk,

" To see Thee more clearly, to love Thee more dearly, to follow Thee more nearly"

That is my desire. If God wants me to move, He himself will tell me. My faith in Him is all that guides me. It has not failed me so far, the results speaks for itself if you have read my previous posts.

But enough of this bullshit, I think we have wasted enough time in this matter. It is time to move on and work towards the fulfillment of God's plan, itsn't that what the church is all about?

Reservist

There is an attitude that my CSM during my NS days always tried to cultivate in us. It is called the "do it once, do it good" attitude. When shit is thrown at you, you can bitch and moan about how you dislike it. But at the end of the day as long as you suck it up and do it well, it will not bother you again or at least for a time and you only have to do it once. Instead of mucking about or trying to avoid it, in which case it will not stop bothering you.

I think this applies for the in-camp training I just had and the ones to follow in the years to come. Going back to the commandos was a reality check for me and most of my mates. My perception of reservist is having IPPT, some light outfield and some refresher training and boy was I wrong. But come to think of it, it is the commandos... how easy do I think it was going to get?

But putting all that into perspective, I have seen the utter professionalism of my company mates and especially my team mates. Although they are doing things that they dislike, they still made the effort to contribute and do it well. Each time I am with them in the field, what I learnt much much more than what I contributed and I really do admire and applaud them for that. Thanks for the memories guys! Until we meet again!

click on the picture for a clearer view

Hope

Just an update on the job front. I found one! And it is rather near my house as well... and it is a five day week job, so now my Saturdays are free. But truth be told, I am actually quite surprised that I got the job because I felt that I did not do very well in the interview and the job scope is quite different from my present job so my experience doesn't really apply to the position they had open.

But they were willing to give me a chance to take on the challenge. That means that I am once again out of my comfort zone. This will hopefully give me opportunities to learn and let God more into my life.

So, barring any surprises I should be starting on it next month after my reservist training. I really have to thank God for this small mercy because I really did not want to idle around unemployed after my reservist training and He has really came through for me by getting me this job. Now I pray that I am up to the challenge.

In Camp

I will have me reservist training next week, so might not be able to blog then. In to get back in shape soon. In these two years of civilian life, I have been getting lazy, fat and slow. So I guess next month it would be one down six more cycles to go. Eat that infantry!!! hahahahahaha!!!

Just So You Know

When I told people that I have resigned and the reason for doing so, some people just assume that just because I dared to do it, I had a backup plan. They say things like, "Aiyah, cause you got money wat, can do wat you want..." or "you young wat, got no obligations..." or worse of all "I not as "siao sa" (Chinese for suave and daring, I think) as you, say leave means leave."

Let me first say that I got no backup plan, no lack of obligations and least of all not "siao sa." If I was "siao sa", wouldn't girls be all over me now? :) And I am definitely definitely not rich. If I was rich, I would not be working in the first place to save money for my further studies. As far as I am concerned, those comments are the most idiotic I have ever heard.

It was a huge struggle to quit, it took monumental effort to make my stand and to go against my "better earthly judgment" and the urge to look after my rice bowl. I am scared about what is going to happen after all this. I am concerned, worried and I have no idea what I am going to do next. All I know despite everything is that it just had to be done and it was bloody difficult doing it. So please do not cheapen my efforts with your idiotic comments.

On the flip side, my family and cell group has been supportive. My grandmother who was initially opposed to me resigning told me recently that it was the better choice, my mum showed me her typical silent support. I guess she is convince that I know what I am doing and that God is somehow guiding me. My cell group has been praying for me and the level of concern they have showed me is astounding. If you are reading this blog, Thanks guys! I guess I just have to seek God and His love will erase every fear.

So in conclusion, I am truly thankful to all of the people who have been supportive of my decision and I thank God for putting all of you in my life. But to those few people who made those idiotic comments, you can call me stupid, dumb, stone cold nuts or whatever expletive you can think of. I can take all of that, but keep those idiotic comments to yourself. I don't suffer fools gladly.

The Beachcomber

Lead me to the sand and sea
Sit awhile beside and I won't mind
Wait until the tide has turned
To see what's left behind

Then I'll search for things to save
Wake me if I'm dreaming
And If all I've planned starts
Streaming through my fingers
Out of hand... grain of sand.

Let the man that I'll become
Dare to walk the shoreline
and to ride the wave
Let the ocean show its might
But leave me feeling brave

When all else is washed from sight
Wake me if I'm dreaming
And If all I've planned starts
Streaming through my fingers
Out of hand... grain of sand.

Never let me hide away
In caves and shun the light of day
Let the waters gently steer
Me to my moorings far from fear
So I might come to comb this beach
Seeing what my eye can reach
And knowing that a heart can open here

Lead me to the sand and sea
Sit awhile beside and I won't mind
Wait until the tide has turned
To see what's left behind

Mike Mcgurk

No Turning Back

Yup, I have resigned. The last day will be near the end of this month. Guessing I will not be travelling abroad for work in at least the next few months and I definitely will not miss Jakarta, horrible place. I like to define Jakarta as a teacher I love to hate in school. I would love to forget her but her lessons are important and applicable and her influence on me, undeniable.

My job as a whole has also taught me about how the world at large works and taught me a little about myself also. When I told some of my friends and family that I resigned and the reason I did so, they all said that I should at least get a new job first before I resign. Well that would be the logical thing to do wouldn't it? Well I guess then I am not that logical... at least with regards to this matter. I want to enjoy my work and be able to sleep peacefully at night and not worry because my work has run foul of the law, whether it is God's laws or the laws of any country.

I guess that is more important than any salary or position because ultimately it is not my boss I am accountable to. It is God. So, whether I made the right decision or not is still up for debate. After tendering my resignation I felt a certain peace and my burdens lifted from me and recent events in my company has convinced me more and more that it is the correct choice. But the most important question remains...

Did I do what God wanted me to do?

Guess I will never know until the end but one thing is for sure. There is no turning back now.

Happiness

The forefather of the USA were quite a smart bunch of people. They were quite the forward thinkers of their time. They recognized that in a modern society, religion has no place in the running of a country or in politics for that matter even though some of them were extremely religious. This resulted in the separated of church and state which was a totally alien concept at that time. Yes we can argue that this was not always practiced in American history but the idea was ultimately a good one. It brought much progress to the country without the usual "religio-political" entanglements that the countries during that time had to deal with. In their wisdom they decided they religion had no part in politics and vice-versa.

But perhaps the best and most radical statement made by the founding fathers of the US was the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" and that "all men are created equal under God." Even going to the extent of holding those truths to be self evident.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. "

These statements are found in the American Declaration Of Independence and from my point of view can be divided into two parts. The first part is about the right to life, liberty and the equality of all men. It means that a man's life is his standard of value and it is his country's duty to protect him and his freedoms. Nobody can force a man to do something he doesn't want to do. Period. Unless he has broken the laws of the land. The laws of the land must also be crafted in a way that forbids any entity (corporations, companies, people etc...) to take a man's freedom and security away. It must be fair, balanced and unbiased for justice to be done not tyrannical.


Keep in mind that among the group of people that came up with these ideas, some of them were slave owners. Why would they come up with such ideas and open themselves up to accusations of double standards? Why don't just abolish slavery right away? I guess they thought that such ideas were too radical for people of that time to accept, but it still had to be proclaimed because it was the right thing to do, they perhaps also did it in the hope that future generations would fulfill it. Think about it, it took a civil war to abolish slavery in the US. Martin Luther King Jr. lost his life while fighting for equal rights for African Americans. So perhaps they had a point.

But even these ideas had their limit. And the founding fathers of the US seem to accept that as well. Although life, liberty and equality must be guaranteed to you, happiness is not. It must be pursued. Imagine that. Although you are guaranteed everything needed to live a good life under such a declaration, happiness is not one of them. This begs the question. Are you happy? Have the things you pursued made you happy? If not, maybe you should try Jesus Christ. I did, and although life may not be smooth going for me by any standard. I am happy.

When Judy Falls

When Judy falls
The word goes out to one and all
When Judy falls
The whole world seems to heed her haunting call

And when she falls
It marks the start of spring
The air is filled with bird-song
And Nature sings along when Judy falls

When Judy falls
Her hopes are oh so high she's walking tall
And when she falls
She's hoping she's the apple of some eye

But if she falls in vain
We'll surely hear the sound
Of hopes that start to crumble
And silent birds that tumble to the ground

Love is always new
When Judy makes the rules and breaks them too
Love is never old
She doesn't wait around till hearts grow cold
She believes in weaving dreams
And nothing's ever what it seems
When Judy falls

But if she falls in vain
We'll surely hear the sound
Of hopes that start to crumble
And silent birds that tumble to the ground

Mike Mcgurk

Update

Just a little update on the situation. My chicken pox has come and gone, thank God that I came off relatively unscathed. And after the bribery thing in Indonesia, I am toying with the idea of resigning from my job sometime soon. Maybe it is for the best that I keep away from situations that will tempt me to do the wrong thing (aka pay a bribe or something or something like that). I learnt that from Joseph in the Bible, when he was being seduced by Potiphar's wife he ran away. So I guess I should run away as well.

I see this whole incident as a struggle between my morals (which is defined by my faith) and the morals of the world. I could make my life much easier by dropping my morals and just do what I am being tempted to do, which is a very attractive option. But I know doing it will destroy my faith, it is a dive downwards that will be very difficult to recover from and that is not what I need right now.

Now all that remains is gathering up the courage and strength to do it. Questions still remain in my mind on whether I am doing the right thing by God and what to do in the future. What job will I apply for? Will I even find a job on time if I were to leave? The financial impact on resigning is quite obvious. Some would say that I should trust God for my providence and that He will not leave me hanging if I was doing the right thing. But actually trusting Him is a whole different thing. I guess it is time to dive in. I pray that God will catch me.