Bribery

Firstly, I don't know if I would get into trouble for writing this but I have to be honest. I guess this blog is not high profile enough to cause much of an incident.

Friends of mine would know that I travel a lot for my work. Most of my travels brings me to Indonesia, Jakarta more specifically. I don't mind the travelling as I am learning a lot from the experience but recently, my staff in Indonesia has been having in-runs with the local authorities there who, for lack of a better word, are asking for bribes. Thank God I have not had a personal run-in with them because if they know that a Singaporean is "running the shop" (so to speak), they would be even more determined and might even ask for a higher amount.

I would be very naive not to know how business works there or anywhere similar for that matter. It is almost a way of life down there. The gears of the economy there are really lubricated by "kopi money." But I had never thought about how I would act in the face of this with regards to God's laws.

My initial reaction was that paying the bribe would be wrong, bribery is against the law in any country and the Bible teaches us to respect the leaders and the laws of the lands we live in. But if I would stand firm then they will not leave my company alone, paying them off would ensure that they will leave my company alone, at least for a time.

My close friend told me, "it is not like you are paying them to hurt someone, that would be wrong. You are paying them to leave you alone, nobody gets hurt and no one is worse off in the end." Sounds like a convincing argument because if this drags on, I am worried about the well being of the staff in the Indonesian office because they will be continually harassed. In fact, there seems to be a "greater good" to gain by indulging in the "lesser evil."

Looking inward, all these events seemed to have revealed another side of my boss to me. He has always assured me that I had his support and backing in Indonesia and I have always took his word for it. But when asking for advice on this matter, I felt whatever trust I had in him and the way he runs his business erode. Furthermore, when digging into the way my travelling was arranged, I find myself not having the peace of mind to continue as I once was. Is it time to leave? Or should I face these challenges head on. I pray that God will help and guide me, give me the strength to carry on and to uphold His laws in the process.

Stuck

I was stuck in the Jakarta airport for about 5 hours last friday because of the flood. Nearly did not make it for my cell group's "reunion dinner" back in Singapore even. In fact, I called my cell group leader and told him that I might not be able to make it and he said, "nevermind, we will pray." Well the prayer worked and I ended up being the first one there.

There is much not to like about Jakarta, the city floods at a mere sight of a drizzle, the traffic jams are the worst I have ever seen and don't get me started on the police and the authorities there cause I might say something I might regret. But still, I feel that I have learnt a most precious lesson there.

Jakarta is a REAL city with REAL problems. While we Singaporeans make a big fuss about how some "major" MRT hiccup got us to work late, the people in Jakarta sometimes drive for hours everyday throught jam after jam just to get to work and add to that the frequent floods, roads inaccessible, poor air quality and a flawed public transport system. Even the president's motorcade was not spared from the floods on friday.

I have learnt to except the city for what it is and not what it should be. During my time spent there, I can almost feel it saying, "take me for what I am, if not get lost." Jakarta makes no illusion about what it is, there is no image or facade it must uphold. It is honest.

It is such an honesty I feel is lacking in my christian life, I lack the courage to display my imperfections to people or to tell them something is wrong in my life. I lack the guts to share about my failing convictions, about the lines I have drawn between right and wrong blurring and about the increasing difficulty I have practising the teachings of God in this fallen world. I am sick of the image I must maintain just because I am christian. I AM HUMAN!!! I AM FLAWED!!! Why don't people just get it?

I feel as though I have sinned just solely on the account of being human and displaying my human traits because I am judged by a higher standard. But even with the help of Christ I am bound to stumble sometimes. If you are not inclined to give me a listening ear then at least give me a break.

Landslide

Took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and i turned around
And I saw my reflection
In the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky...
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too

Take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down

Stevie Nicks

Imperfection

Okay... I know the title of this post isn't very positive especially since this is the start of the new year, but I have my reasons. Let me post this scenario to you, suppose a friend that you knew for some time already pulled you aside and told you that he cannot stop drinking or gambling etc... If you want to push it to the logical extreme, maybe this guy friend you know comes up to you and tells you he keeps having sexual fantasies about men. How would you react?

Would you tell this friend of yours that he/she will burn in hell? Would you start to shake you head from side to side in that "holier than thou" attitude and start throwing bible verses at him/ her? Or will you identify yourself with him/her? After all we have all sinned and have struggled with certain issues in our life. I mean... in God's eyes sin is sin, it does not matter what sin... right?

I spent the dying days of 2007 reflecting on this issue because of a book I read. It is called "Church. Why bother?" by Philip Yancey. In it Philip Yancey shared the story of an alcoholic friend of his. When he(Philip) asked his friend what he needs the most when he feels tempted to go back to the bottle, his friend answered, "I need a sinner to be there for me, not a saint that will tell me what to do."

I found that answer refreshing and good, not to mention quite true. During the course of my Christian life, I have shared my struggles with various leaders only to be talked down to with phrases that starts with, "you should do..." and ends with "cause the Bible says..."

I firmly believe that Christians (esp. Christian leaders) have been taught to display perfection and infallibility so much so that we keep all our imperfections to ourselves. But is this healthy? Coming from a world where the church focuses on testimonies where God was faithful, life is perfect and I am the "happiest person in the world." It is no surprise no one comes up and confesses that he/ she is a alcoholic or a gambling addict. Honestly, I think we would all be shocked at such a testimony because it does not fit into the picture of the perfect church. I even think some of us would take effort to avoid him/her after that.

But here's a thought, how about sharing about how God gave you the strength to go through another day at the job you hate with colleagues you can't stand? Or sharing about how God gave you the resolve to stop gambling or drinking. Or stuff like that?

Okay, back to the point. The way I see it is this. We are all saved by the same grace, given to us (all be it undeserved) from the same God. Doesn't makes us all the same? So my new year's resolution is this, to be a "sinner" to offer a helping hand when my friends fall and not to be a "saint" and just point the "judgement finger."

Krabi Pics!!!

As promised, some of my pics from Krabi. Thanks to Winston for the pics!

On the way to our snorkeling trip

Definitely not getting seasick

Group photo at the airport

Another group photo at the beach

An example of the local fare, quite cheap actually

Silje Nergaard

Yes! Back from Krabi, well rested and hopefully I have returned with new energy and resolve for the new year, God willing. Anyway the pictures of my trip are not ready yet and I will post them out ASAP. Meanwhile please allow me to introduce you to another jazz singer/song writer. There are 2 sets of lyrics I like you to compare.

Lyrics 1
East of the sun and west of the moon
We'll build a dream house of love dear
Near to the sun in the day Near to the moon at night
We'll live in a heavenly way dear
Living and loving in pale moonlight

Lyrics 2
I won't disown
Those things my heart has sown
The pain is mine alone
I made this fickle heart my own
But how am I suppose to see the stars?
How am I suppose to see that far?

I am sure you can see the difference. Lyrics 1 is the typical jazz lyric. It has a premise, a love story behind it. It does not matter if it is happy or sad, the typical jazz lyric is outward looking, mostly when hearing the music and lyrics together it is like you are from the outside looking in.

Lyrics 2 is the direct opposite, it is inward looking. Instead of looking in from the outside, you get to feel what the writer is feeling first hand. That is what makes Silje Nergaard special. She pours her heart out to you in both the music and the lyrics and in turn, she might even help you find the words you need pour your own heart out as well. The way Silje writes her music compliments her lyrics beautifully. The mood and tone of her music never failed to enhance the message of her lyrics.

Some say that Jazz enables musicans to express their feelings as no other music genre can, unfortunately I feel that the lyrics have not gotten the same treatment. Not that I dislike the typical jazz lyric, I love it. But I feel that Silje fills up a nice niche in my music collection, whereby both the music and lyrics enables the expression of the feelings of the heart first hand.


Be Still My Heart, Silje Nergaard

Krabi

Going to Krabi on a holiday... what little I know of it is that it is an island in Thailand. Looking to have some R&R and clear my head. Reflect on the year that is past, and look forward to the year ahead. Hope I can enjoy myself. Pics coming soon.

Sleeping Dragons

One of the greatest battles a man can fight among himself is the battle between his mind and his heart. While the heart supplies the fuel for a man's flights of fancy daring him to do things he never thought he would, the mind would take the safe logical step which would look almost cowardly. Ah... the affairs of the heart; love... hate... romance... passion... TO HELL WITH THEM!!! DAMN THEN ALL!!! (I would much rather use the F word but I shall not)

Meeting up with a long lost friend is always done with anticipation, wondering how he or she has been doing all those years you guys were out of contact. But meeting up with a long lost friend that you once had liked is a different story. (Yeah yeah, I can almost hear the whooting and the teasing now.) Yes, for those of you who did not know, Eugene (the writer of this blog) is a guy with his fair share of crushes on girls. A close lady friend of mind advised against the meeting saying basically that this whole "affairs of the heart" and "old flame" thing is too difficult to predict. I might just do something really foolish and stupid.

But is has been years since I saw her, surely the feelings would have died down by now, surely God given logic and reason would prevail as it did years ago telling me that we are not really suited for each other. Boy was I wrong. During the whole time I was with her at lunch, the old feelings begin to surface again, my heart was pulling me to one side with my mind pulling me to another, the battle lines were drawn, war had began and I was in on man's land.

I spent a great deal of effort keeping my feelings in check and with the frustration building up as the lunch went on, it required an even greater effort to keep my feelings in check. It just became a vicious cycle which went on and on. The way I see it is this, I can either divorce myself from all logic and reason and just go for it (which would be suicidal) or I should follow logic and reason and never see her again. But I believe that God wants me to maintain the friendship without letting it go to the next level. So I think my only option is to do my best to keep my feelings in check and let "sleeping dragons lie" as they say. If this is what God wants me to do then I am sure he would help me. But sleeping dragons have a way of being awakened by the occasional knight in shinning armour trying to save his damsel in distress. If that happens then...

The bottomline is this, whatever happens, it would be a difficult journey for me to discipline my heart and get it in control. God help me

Stacey Kent

A Prominent jazz critic once said this about Stacey Kent, "To hear Stacey is to love her". I agree. If any of you think that Diana Krall is good jazz, you have not heard Stacey Kent. In fact when compared to Stacey, I feel that Diana Krall is way way out of her league. This is the promo she did for her latest album "Breakfast On The Morning Tram" enjoy.... and eat you heart out Diana Krall!!!

Paper Boats

How come these precious things were made to seem remote?
How come the words I weighed were forced back down my throat?
There was no room for honesty
No quarter that was mine
No noble cause
I tried to fake a life
To fool those snapping jaws

From here I dare to launch
My flimsy paper boats
I shove each gently from the shore
God guard it where it floats
They must not drift too far from You
If you sense danger cause they are too frail
In time they will catch Your wind
And fly with billowed sails

Mike Mcgurk