Unpopular?

There are some things I feel convicted by God to do but have never dare to do because I am afraid, or because it is the unpopular thing to do. The reason I am afraid is because I fear might stray away from Him, I might just make that fatal mistake without knowing it. It is very easy to say that just because it is a conviction from God the answer is very straight forward. There is always a cost to be counted with these things and one should never under-estimate the fear of uncertainty.

Should I commit myself to do this thing I feel convicted to do, it will change the dynamics of my faith to a great extent but I feel it will bring me closer and more equipped to act on the burdens I feel God has placed in my heart. But it is not without pitfalls, it is a road filled with dangers, dangers that I feel are beyond me. Yet I feel the most beautiful part of this situation is that the choice is entirely mine. It is not a command or an order, I have to make the decision using my own free will. I pray I will make the right one

Max Payne

I have been playing computer games for quite long now. The violence and gore of some of the games I have played have never disturb or fazed me, neither has any of the social life killing RPG games. That is until I played "Max Payne" and the sequel "The Fall Of Max Payne". It is not the most violent, neither is it the lengthiest. But the story and the premise of the game did shake me up a little.

It is about a cop named Max Payne. His entire family was kill and he was framed for the murder of one of his friends, a fellow police officer. After which he goes on a rampage to kill the people responsible taking no prisoners along the way. When they announced that they were making a movie out of the game, I thought they were going to reduce it to one of those "gun porn" rubbish. But I was wrong. After watching the trailer, I felt that it still retains its edge and darkness.

All of us has a dark side, I believe that Max Payne (the game and hopefully the movie) most accurately portrays what will happen if it were to be let loose to its full extent. I guess that is why it disturb me so. Anyway I hope you enjoy the trailer, it is definitely a must watch for me. Anybody want to join me?

North Sea Jazz Festival

Here is Silje Nergaard, live at the North Sea Jazz fesvital with the Tord Gustavsen Trio. Good stuff. Enjoy!

Brutal Honesty

I don't know why, but I especially inspired this week. 3 posts in 4 days is a new high for me considering that sometimes I only post once a fortnight or worse. One of my ex cell group leaders taught me something that made a lot of sense to me. He said that only when you are brutally honest with yourself then you can figure out where you actually are in life. I recently did one of those brutally honest assessments of my life and figured out a few things.

I started by asking myself a few questions then answering them as honest as I can and this is what I came up with.

1.How is life for me in general?

Things have been going well on the whole and I feel truly blessed. The job has been going well although things on my family side has hit a few bumps. But I believe it is nothing I can't handle through God's grace. People who are close to me will know about the uniqueness of my family and I believe that there is a certain strength in that.

2. How are things with God?

Well the forecast here is not as rosy as the one above unfortunately. Really struggling to meet His standards and follow His word. As for His will in my life, I am really making it up as I go along. Step by step, things always seem to work out in the end and for His glory. I guess I can appreciate the beauty in that.

3. How are things in church?

Now this is where it starts to go downhill. I really have lost my faith in the church as an institution for christians. Going into the reasons might require another post in this blog or more so I won't waste your time. Cell group has also not been going well for me. If you guys happen to hear me say that cell group was ok... I lied. Mainly because I did not want to influence anybody but also to sound polite. But since I have decided to be honest about this I guess I really do owe you this confession and my apologies.

I asked myself many other questions like further studies, dreams to be fulfilled etc... but that is another story. The reason I am sharing this now is because I feel a lot of people are caught up in the moment and really do lack perspective in their lives. Much like what I have experienced recently.

So I am sharing about how I get my perspective, a reality check of sorts. It gives me a guide about what I should do next, what steps to take. Other people might have some other way of doing it. But I believe we have nothing to lose and it will do us good in the end.

What Might Have Been

A door left ajar
Lets whispering from afar
Breath live into a dream of me and you

I will the spark to die
But still it lights my eye
Still makes me feel that this alone is real

And though I know it, I dare not show it
Or let this madness make a kill
By dwelling on what might have been
Or giving sadness space to fill
I will balance on the edge awhile
But won’t fall in

I will retrace every step
I ever run or tread
Hoping I will see
What is bleeding me

And when I know it, I won't show it
Or let this madness make a kill
By dwelling on what might have been
Or giving sadness space to fill
I will balance on the edge awhile
But won’t fall in

Mike Mcgurk

Flight Of The Conchords

I guess its been a long time since I posted a video here. So here's one! It is a band called "Flight Of The Conchords" with their runaway hit "Business Time." Yes it is full of sexual innuendo, but please just let your hair down and develop a sense of humor, we are all adults right? We should be able to take it. Enjoy! Tell me what you think.

Going Green

I believe most people have the wrong idea when they decide to go green, based on the recent articles I have read on the Forum pages of the local newspaper, they all think that it is going to be cheaper. I am referring to the recent complaints be people to convert their vehicles to run on CNG. CNG or Compressed Natural Gas is suppose to burn cleaner so it is better for the environment, it is also cheaper too since it is not as high as current oil prices. But recently there have been complaints about how the thing will be more costly in the long run or how it is not exactly cheap in the first place.

Even if going green ends up being cheaper, I believe it is not the right way to think about such things. Think about how expensive solar panels are and how power saving bulbs actually cost more when you buy them. If you think hybrid cars are cheaper, think again. There is extra cost involved to maintain 2 engines instead of 1. Plus I believe spare parts for the electric engine are not going to be cheap.

Unfortunately, I guess people will not make a lifestyle change unless there is something good in it for them. But is this the way we should look at this issue? I believe that if one wants to go green, they should not expect anything in return. It is something you commit to because you are doing something good for the earth even if it ends up costing you more. Sounds self-righteous and idealistic? Well I believe it is the attitude and the way you approach the subject.

The purpose for going green is to preserve this planet nothing more, nothing less. If it ends up being cheaper all the better for you, it is a bonus, not an entitlement. A lot of people get turned off because even if they are doing it, there is a vast majority of people who aren’t. Why should they put in the extra effort and cost? All I can say is we should not care about what other people are doing. Never underestimate the power of one man/woman. You can be the difference maker.

I guess all I am trying to say is this. Go green for the sake of going green, to make the world a better place. Not just because it will give you a temporary benefit. Sounds too idealistic? Well everything starts from ideals.

Next!

Ha! Its been quite long since my last post. Really don't have much to say, everything in my life is now either pending or on hold. All I can do now is pray and hope for the best. The next big thing I can think of personally is my job confirmation, which will be on the first week of September. Time really does fly.

Although the next logical step is to accept the confirmation, I really feel prompted to pray about it. I guess it is a form of discipline, seeking God even though the answer is more or less what I expect. Or it could be something else altogether, who knows? All I know is this, I cannot get too comfortable with whatever phase I am going through in my life because God does have a way of yanking the carpet right from under you.

Each day I live, I live at His mercy. Everything I do, I do with His strength. Everytime I fall, I fall on His grace. Everytime I love, I love with His love. I really do hope and pray I and live and demostrate these traits in my life. The news coming out from church and home are far from encouraging, I really do need Him now

Enough

The hardest lesson that a christian has to learn is that God allows bad things to happen to us. The very people he claims to love. How we react to it says a lot about us as christians. Things are not going well ever since I made a commitment to stay in RCC.

I grossly dislike the way that I was transferred to my new cell group. Things I hear from my church friends are not encouraging as well as other personal stuff that is happening. Details that I will not go into. I am really discouraged by the combination of things that are happening. I do not have doubts, I am frustrated that I have been led to such a state. It is hard to see God's sovereignty in times like this, hard to see that I can contribute any good to the entire situation because it simply turns me off.

The position I am in now creates more problems than it sovles, but the frustrating thing was that I did not put myself in this position. I was pushed into it by circumstances beyond my control. I was defenseless, no chance to voice my two cents worth either because I felt that God did not want me to or that I was simply powerless to let my voice be heard.

I am not in this position be choice and I demand to know why!

But in the mists of my moaning, I got reminded about someone who was in much deeper shit than me but still demanded much less. No, I am not talking about the typical china man that will work twice as hard with half the pay ;) I am talking about Job. When Job suffer disaster after disaster, he was frustrated. He could not figure out what on earth he could have done for God to treat him like that. He did in fact ask for an explaination from God and he had every right to. But......

Did God give it? No.

Did Job complain? No.

Job recognized that in whatever shit he was going through all he needs is God's presence with him. No need for vindications, explanations or apologies. No need for God to bring justification and judgment to my enemies, no need to slap people with gloves to "demand satisfaction"(some of you will know what I mean. Haha!). All I need is God's presence with me.

But currently, is God's presense enough for me? Sadly no. Being human I still demand to know the how and why of things. But I am really learning and trying to make it enough, trying to accept God's sovereign hold on my life. It is a lesson I will never stop learning.

Cell Group Muscial Chairs

They say that change is the only constant in this world. I lost my faith in cell groups for a time, I thought that they were a waste of time quite honestly, I thought that they were just a social exercise. "Calvary" (which is my current cell group) restored my faith in cell groups. I found myself being able to contribute and draw strength from the experiences of my cell group mates who thankfully don't give "model answers" to questions posed to them. If I wanted "model answers" I have the Bible for that.

But I would be a fool to think such an arrangement would last. Things change and we must change with it. But will my new cell group be good for me? Is this a change for the better? My feelings are mixed to be honest. I feel apprehensive most of all, my better judgment is pulling me back. But I think I know better than to trust my better judgment ;) and since I can't see beyond the way things seem to be. We shall see.