I hate shopping

I hate shopping. There is no mincing words about that, I hate shopping. But with the lunar new year coming I had to shop for some new clothes to wear for the occasion. That makes shopping a necessary evil. It is the most vile, macilious and deathly evil of necessities. If you think I am exaggerating or using any form of poetic license to express my hatred of shopping, you are wrong. I mean what I say. I hate shopping.

I decided to do my new year shopping today because since I am already out and about going to church I can do it after the church service is over instead of dragging my ass out of the house on a Monday morning to do something I hate to do.

I went to Tampines Mall with the utmost reluctance, walking around the clothes section of Isetan. I said to myself, "this is not so bad Eugene, least you are still alive." I stumbled upon a pair of black jeans that caught my eye. As I took it from the shelf to have a closer look, the salesperson came up to me and say,"excuse me sir, the jeans here are for women, the men's jeans are on that shelf."

Yes laugh all you want, but how am I to tell the difference between ladies jeans and man jeans, there wasn't even a banner or poster saying those jeans were for women. This is one of the many reasons why I hate shopping. It is an endless source of complete embarrassment, I might as well be making an utter fool of myself.

Finally, after deciding to buy two short sleeve shirts and queuing forever just to pay for them, I went back home a completely broken man. My mum saw the bag from the shopping centre and asked, "you went shopping? What did you buy?" "Some clothes for new year," I replied. She took the clothes from the bag looked at them and commented, "aiyo boy ah, why you like this kind of boring colours, try something new lah!"

Reason number two of why I hate shopping, critique of your acquired merchandise. After torturing and embarrassing myself, I have to put up with my mum commenting about my colour and fashion sense. I whined at her to keep her fashion comments to herself trying very hard not to break that commandment about honouring your parents but the fact remains. I hate shopping.

Ironically, the SAF commandos have a brilliant strategy for shopping haters like me. They had it all along but did not realise it. It is called a deep strike raid mission, commandos love to do that kind of mission, you can take it from me, I know. But instead of the target being an airfield or a MLRS launch site, it will be something you want to buy. Collect all the intel possible then go in. Strike hard and fast, buy what you want and get the hell out. Worked for me so far. But I still hate shopping.

One thing still bothers me though, most women love shopping and in the unlikely event I get a girlfriend she will most probably love shopping and would naturally want me to accompany her on her shopping trips. What would be my reply to that? How about this, "Dear I love you with all of my heart, but ahem... I hate shopping."

Wonder what would be her reaction.