Bittersweet

God has been good to me in 2006. ORD loh! Found a stable job, stable finances and looking for opportunities to further my studies. Now that it is the end of the year, I look back at 2006 and I am blessed and content.

But this was the year in which I have learnt a sad and bitter lesson. Despite all the good things happening to me on the surface, I have never felt more alone. When faced with one's problems, one is truly and utterly alone. No friends or companions will be able to help you because you alone make the decisions on what solutions to take on your problems and you alone and will either enjoy the benefits or suffer the conseqences of your actions.

I have always thought that it is the norm to have a group of friends or just a friend that you will treasure who will never think twice to help you out in your time of need. But this year, I have found my friendships useless, not because they are not willing to help but because they can't. They are human too, with limitations and flaws. It was a hard and bitter pill to swallow, I have come to accept that my view of friendship is flawed and I only ever needed just one companion in life. God Himself.

Taking this lesson to heart, the changes are quite visible (at least to me). I have learnt to live and let live, accepting that people will come and go in your life. We will draw close, drift apart and perhaps never see each other again. I also seemed to have become more decisive, making decisions with less consideration about what others might think. And perhaps, this lesson when taken to heart will increase my dependance on God. I do hope that is the case.

Blessed new year!

Missed Opportunity?

Few weeks ago I recieved a phone call from my grandma. She along with my grandpa wanted to go visit my dad and family down in Miri, Sarawak and asked me if I wanted to come along. I had never wanted much to do with my dad, since he was not a big part of my life in the first place (long and complicated story). In fact when he offered to provide for my further studies after my NS, I turned him down, I told him I would rather pay my own way. Ever so often when I go to my grandma's place to indulge myself in her home cooked meals that I badly miss. Other family members, aunts, uncles etc. would try to encourage me to talk to my father. Even they sense the hostility.

To top it all off, my mum has even got into the act. Once when she was talking to me about my father, I in my insensitivity tried remind her what happened to their marriage and how they too are also not exactly on talking terms. She replied, "he is your father after all, you should give him a chance." Some part of me wanted to make things right with my father, I did ask God for the chance when He thinks I am ready, so perhaps this phone call from my grandma was that chance.

Sadly, I gave an excuse to my grandma, I told her I wasn't sure if I could take leave now and stalled my decision saying, "see first lah." Probably a knee jerk reaction because I was taken by surprise. But after thinking it through for a few days, I decided that it would be foolish of me to let this chance pass by whether it was divinely appointed or not, so I call my grandma back to tell her I was going.

This was what she told me, "I am not going already lah! The airfare is ridiculous! $700 for a one way ticket! I can fly to Hongkong, fly back and still have shopping money!"

I replied, "but if you go to Senai airport it would be much cheaper and..."

"Cannot lah boy, we old already" my grandma interrupted, "You cannot expect me and grandpa to travel up and down from Johor like that, it is very tiring. Anyway I emailed your father to tell him we are not coming already lah... eh I got to go... call me if you want to come for dinner ok? Bye bye."

Was it a missed opportunity or a door that was divinely closed to prevent me from making a mistake? Maybe the time just isn't right yet. All I know is that God works mysteriously and I just have to go with the flow. Still, I feel that it was an interesting story to blog, hope you liked it.

Marriage?!

I was having dinner with a close army friend yesterday. We had a good time catching up with each other sharing with each other about our lives after the army. The talk eventually fell on marriage. I told him I was planning my life on the assumption that I was never going to get married and he responded saying, "dunno leh, this kind of thing very hard to say one leh." I agree with him but still saw no harm in planning my life the way I am doing. A wise man once said, "plan like Jesus is never going to come, live like He is coming tomorrow."

Unlike most of my peers, whether Christian or not. I do not believe in the romantic notion of love. Put it simply I do not believe in romance. To me, there is no such thing as a "one true love" whom you are destined to meet, no "princess charming" that I am suppose to fight dragons for and rescue from a tower and I most definitely do not believe that God has made someone special out there with you in mind (that is the most ridiculous statement yet).

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in love. The apostle Paul said that love is the greatest thing of all. Love is the very essence of my Christian faith, it is what drew me to Christianity in the first place. But we must be very careful not to associate love with romance. I believe that when two people love each other so much that they are willing to commit to the vows of marriage with each other, God will bless and honour that vow. If the vow is broken in any way, the vow breaker/s will be held accountable, plain and simple. And if you choose not to take such a vow, God will bless you too and respect your decision.

In every marriage there are sacrifices to be made, compromises to be reached, quarrels to be settled, expectations to meet, responsibilities to fulfil and last but not least, ang pows to give away every chinese new year :). It takes COMMITMENT and EFFORT to make a marriage work, those two words are sadly lacking in almost half the marriages of today that end up in divorce.

With all that I have said, marriage doesn't sound so attractive anymore right? Well I guess that is where love comes in. If you love your "significant other" enough to put up with all that crap then by all means go ahead and get married. Romance does not sustain a marriage, love does. Do not think for a second that your marriage will take care of itself because you guys are "specially made for one another" and "destined to meet." There is not such thing, it is just philosopical crap from the Romantics of the 18th century.

So if you think that love is the product of destiny and fate, maybe you should take romance out of the equation and think again. You will find that it is the product of commitment and effort, much like our relationship with Christ. You might argue that these are two different kinds of love but I can assure you that it takes the same ingredients to make it work.

Truly Asia

I went on a trip to Malaysia for my work on Thursday and Friday with a full plate of things to do. My boss gave me a lift to Senai airport in JB and I was basically on my own. From JB I had to fly to KL, do some stuff there and then fly again to Penang on the same day (Thursday). Stay one night in Penang, do some stuff there then fly back to JB and find transport back to Singapore (Friday).

I thank God for guiding me throughout this trip and providing me with friendly people that gave me friendly directions to get to certain places in the best possible way (apparently taxi is not always the answer). I also thank God for stretching my time making me able to catch all my flights as my schedule was very tight, in fact I almost missed the one from Penang to JB.

Two incidents come to mind as I think about my trip there. First, I was in KL taking the Malaysian version of the MRT to a bus interchange to catch a bus that would get me to the airport. Some guy I approached for directions suggested the train instead of a taxi to avoid the rush hours jams which are massive in KL. It was a brilliant suggestion as I got to the airport with enough time to check in and have my dinner at the airport. I also saw the jams when I was on the train. They were MASSIVE.

But when I was on the train, someone who apparently thought I was a local asked me for directions. He asked, "hello, are you familiar with this area or not?" I said no and that I- like him was not from KL. I don't think it takes too much observation to figure out I was not from KL. First I have a piece of luggage that I was carrying around the entire time I was there. Second, I was blur as sotong during my train journey, anxiously looking for my stop and checking constantly to see of the train I was on was the correct one. I stood out like a sore thumb. Yet the gentleman apparently thought I looked like a local.

The second incident happened when I returned to Singapore. Finally smelling home air after two days of hard work in Malaysia, the feeling was good. I boarded a taxi at Kranji to return to my office in Macpherson. During the journey my taxi driver and I engaged in some small talk. Part of it when something like this.

Taxi driver: "wah, its been raining here everyday. How is the whether in Malaysia?"

Me: "ok lah, it was also raining the 2 days I was there"

Taxi driver: "hah? 2 days only ar, you not Malaysian meh?"

Me: "No I am Singaporean."

Taxi driver: "orr.... I thought you Malaysian..."

Judging from these two incidents, I apparently look like a Malaysian (no offense, I think Malaysians are nice people :) ). Which reminds me of one last thing. I met a potential customer in Penang to give him some brochures of the machines we sell and their prices. When he saw what the machines costs he quiped, "with the amount of money these machines costs, I can buy a plot of land in Malaysia build a house and stay there." Maybe I should do that, since I already look the part.

Love

It is ironic that when the greatest love of all is given so freely, human love has to be earned. It is also often costly and not worth the effort.

Reactions

Sometimes the true colours of a community can be seen not by something horrible and wrong done by someone to or from that community, but by its reaction to it. Still not following? Okay, take for example september 11th, a horrible act no doubt. But it brought to light the unity, determination and tenacity of New Yorkers and the entire American community at large. The reaction to the disaster brought to light the true strength and human spirit of those affect by it.

Unfortunately this time I am covering something less positive. Ted Haggard president of the National Association of Evangelicals (30 million strong) admited to using drugs and the services of a gay prostitute. When the whole thing came to light, he resigned his post and is now suspended from the association he helped found. What made things worse for him was his aggressively anti-gay stance, in fact he recently did a gay bashing sermon in his "Jesus Camp" movie. Now that clip is all over the net serving as an ultimate point in irony and hypocrisy.

Now there is no denying what he did was wrong, there is also no denying that he will eventually bear the consequences of his actions. What Ted Haggard did is not my point, we all have sinned and fallen short just like the Bible said so I am not about to judge. It is the reaction to what he did that I am concerned about. Just watch this.



Jokes aside Jon Stewart in my view was spot on about the reaction of other Chirstian leaders in America regarding this issue. They really seem to be "holier than thou", marginalizing Haggard and dropping him like a political hot potato not even giving thought to how his congregation and his family are affected by all this and how to go about helping them, some went as far as to question the unity and integrity of his congregation most of whom I believe are upstanding Christians. Remember the story where Jesus said, "let he who has no sin cast the first stone"? I think some of the Christian leaders have already casted theirs.

Now here's the thing, if a politican drops a former political ally who has fallen from grace like a "hot potato" we would not even bat an eyelash. Such things are happening in the case of Mark Foley in the US and Chen Shui Bian in Taiwan. Why is that? Because politics is dirty, simple as that. But is reacting that way a right thing for Christians to do? Are not we Christians judged by a higher standard? How will we react if something like this were to happen in Singapore? Why I am asking these questions? Because our true colours might be shown through our reactions.

In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning

When the sun is high, in the afternoon sky
There will always be something to do
But from dusk till dawn, as the clock ticks on
Something happens to you

In the wee small hours of the morning
When the whole wide world is fast asleep
You lie awake and think about your problems
And never even think of counting sheep

When your troubled self has learnt its lesson
He would help if only you would call
In the wee small hours of the morning
Thats the time you need Him most of all
Thats the time you need Him most of all

Birthdays and Transformers

Today is my birthday, (yes yes one year older woohoo... ). Being one year older does give you a bit of perspective, to add to that perspective is the upcoming release of the "Transformers" motion picture. Finally, we are able to see our favourite "robots in disguise" interact in the real world and "transform" before our very eyes, making that funny robotic sound when they do.

I remember in my earlier birthdays when I was still a kid and my dad bought me my first Transformer toy, I was very happy. I thought to myself, "wouldn't it be great to be able to own all the Transfomer toys? Wouldn't it be great to actually see them in real life?" Transformers were like my purpose in life during those times, and that is the reason why the movie is being made now. It does not take rocket science to tell you that it make perfect business sense.

Millions of kids like me were also drawn into the world of the Transformers when the cartoon series first rolled out, and kids like me grow up. The difference is now kids like me now have incomes, more spending power and are eager to relive their long lost and sorely missed childhoods, and they have the money to do it. Not only will they be happily buying tickets to the movie but the licensing deals on toy, computer games etc... would be enormous. Plus, it is also a good way to capture the imagination of today's kids and pull them away from their Power Rangers or Pokemon or whatever the hell kids watch these days.

This movie has been a long time coming, but it is only now that the technology exists to make such an endeavour practical. So I guess we should count ourselves lucky that we live in an age where we can see our childhood dreams come alive. But I wonder what would happen 10- 15 years later when the "pokemon generation" grows up. The last thing I want to see in the cinema is a computer generated "Pikachu" jumping around and acting cute in a motion picture. The thought of it alone is disturbing. I guess I should stop thinking about it and enjoy what is left of my birthday.

Mankind

"I love mankind - it's people I can't stand!" Linus Van Pelt in Peanuts

I Need Inspiration!!!

It is becoming an increasing challenge to keep this blog updated because it is more difficult to find blog-worthy stuff to blog about. Life after the army is much quieter and things are beginning to settle down. Though I did get a letter stating that I will be on standby for mobilisation. The lousy army can't leave me alone for three months.

I am not complaining, I am doing ok. Waking up, going for breakfast, reading the papers, going to work, coming back home to relax. My job gives me a sense of challenge and satisfaction, my boss is good and my colleagues are friendly with none of that office politics crap which I want nothing to do with. I have a roof over my head, enough money to use and provide for myself. Things are falling into a sort of a timetable and I am fairly satisfied with how I spend each day although I still think I don't leave enough time for God, that is a constant struggle.

This so called "lack of inspiration" in my life have highlighted all the mundane stuff I often take so for granted in my life. Yes, life in the commandos was high-key and exciting filled with challenges and milestones. Thanking God for giving me the strength to complete my 72km route march is one thing but what about giving thanks for the mundane, your everyday life? Now I have started giving thanks for having the ability to support myself, having a good job, having good friends and a loving family to look out for me. Now I thank God for the mundane.