Love

I have not updated this blog for a long time as far as personal happenings in my life are concerned. But a lot of things has happened since I last updated and I actually intended to update sooner. So to cut the long story short, I went through a lot of drafts to get to this update and that is what caused the delay.

First let me say this, I am engaged and getting married! No, it is not a prank or a joke, I am dead serious about this. Before I even proposed I had already thought long and hard about what love is and what yardstick to go by when measuring it. I love my fiancee and there is nothing I will not do for her if it is within my power but love is many things to many people. So what is the yardstick for me when it comes down to it? Who do I compare myself to when I want to know if I am on the right track?

Anyone who is married or has been in a wedding ceremony before has at least basic knowledge of the wedding vows, "to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part... etc" Though those vows are written by men, I believe God will hold you accountable to them should you undertake to fulfil them. But people have rarely brought up what the Apostle Paul wrote about marriage. The part that struck me the most is:

"Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"
Ephesians 5:25

I believe Paul's point is this, taking my view from a husband to be's perspective. The yardstick of a husband's love for his wife is Jesus Christ. A husband should love his wife the way Christ loves the church and what did Christ do for the church? Christ died for the church. So far, I have done my best to make my fiancee feel loved and cared for only hoping that it will be enough or that I have done enough and I must say that Paul's point about a husband's love has given me pause.

Bottomline is this, will I be willing to die for my fiancee? OK, maybe that is a little morbid. Lol! The point is once I get married, my wife must take priority over me. I must consider her more important than me. I must love her more than I love myself and that is something I must do for the rest of my life! It is a huge mindset change to consider someone else's life more important than your own but according to Paul, that is what is expected of a husband because that is how much Christ loved the church.

All this talk begs the question. Am I there yet? Do I live up to Paul's standard? I don't know, I can say yes but talk is cheap. So I will let my actions speak for me. All I know is this, I love my fiancee much more than I have ever loved anything or anyone else in this world whether past or present and I will aspire to live up to Paul's standard of a husband's love. Dear, if you are reading this. I LOVE U!!!!! :-*

Interesting Video

This is a video I am going to post and just let you decide. Is this guy a loon? Or does he make some sense? Feel free to post here all your thoughts about him.

Ok, a bit of intro here. His name is Pat Condell. He posts often on YouTube. This particular one is called "The Arrogance Of Clergy."

Food for thought.

Thankfulness

Okay, I am not so sure if that is a word but it sort of expresses what I want to say in this post. I do not pretend to know God's Will for my life or whether i am following it. How does one know anyway? In following God's Will, some people have suffered greatly while others prospered greatly. So is God's Will for my life the suffering kind or the prospering kind? (I sure hope it is the latter. Lol!). How do I know I am following His Will? Is it when things go wrong or when things go well in my life?

All along in my life, I have taken a very passive "go with the flow" kind of attitude. Mostly sorting out things for myself and making the sensible choice when needed. Sure, one must always consult God for guidance and wisdom when making a decision. The problem is that some people always expect answers clearly stating what needs to be done from steps 1 to 10. I don't think that is how God does things all the time.

I remember when I was still in my old church years ago. A leader once told me that sometimes God gives us the wisdom to sort things out for ourselves. At times, a lot of decisions we have to make are pretty straightforward and logical and God does not need to come in the form of a "burning bush" to tell us what to do. If you were to put it in perspective, what would you do if God really does appear to you that way? Moses' first reply to God was to ask Him to send somebody else into Egypt instead of him. What would be your reply to God if He really does appear before you?

There are a lot of things I do not know about my christian walk or what God has in mind for my life. It is not a perfect life and I have come to regret certain decisions that I have made, I am sure I have strayed on more than one location and screwed up certain things badly. But through it all, I feel blessed. Whether or not I have strayed or tolled the line, God has seen it fit to bless me because of His grace and mercy. I still have a roof over my head, good health for me and my loved ones, food to eat and money to buy the things I need and want. I thank God for the little things in life. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to downplay miracles here, but I have learnt that when all things are considered equal it is the above-mentioned "little things" that are the most fragile, mostly taken for granted and most easily taken away.

I thank God that His blessings and how much of it He gives are not proportional to how closely I follow His Will. If not, most of us might be in deep shit already. I guess God will reveal His Will bit by bit to me when the time comes. But in the mist of that, I am thankful that I am blessed and even when things go wrong, there is still a lot to be thankful for.

Focus

My initial focus when I first got out of the army was to get a job, stabilize my income and try to look after myself financially. Enjoying my job and not being a burden to others was my main aim. But now, things have changed. Things are not going well economically and good jobs are few and far between. I now feel that there is less of a point pursuing a stable career now for a guy my age because the pay off will not be there during these tough times.

I feel blessed that I now have a stable job and income, a loving and caring family and a girlfriend who loves and cares about me. I acknowledge that there are many others that are worse off. But with that said, I now feel compelled to take my degree course. A bachelor's in electronics engineering to me exact, I remember making an enquiry on the same course about two and a half years ago only to find out that I lack the job experience needed for the course at that time. Now, having fulfilled the minimum criteria, I have made the decision to enrol.

Of course, it is still early days yet and success of my enrollment is subject to certain things beyond my control. Things like bank study loans and acceptance by the university etc... But I must think about what is involved. I am prepared to make the commitment and do whatever necessary to complete the course but I must think about others who will be inevitably affected by my commitment. For example, I might not be able to contribute as much money to my family as before. Time management would also be an issue as a huge chunk of my time will be devoted to my studies (this one girlfriend must understand... lol!!!) and etc...

I must admit that 3 years of mixing it up in the job market has left me without the drive to study, but I feel I have to bite the bullet because I believe nobody can doubt the necessity of education. Sure there are risks involved, the financial undertaking is huge and there are always unforeseen consequences, but life was never meant to be comfortable for too long. My only prayer is that my loved ones will understand and bear with me in the coming 2 - 3 years to come. The free lunches stop here, the real work begins now.

Fundamentals

Okay I know the title is a bit cryptic but if you guys are observant, you just might get it. It has been a crazy few months, I have changed my job, invested in a small business and I even struck 4D! Ha ha ha! The fundamentals of my life has changed dramatically, my day to day schedule has begun settling down to a new routine and I relish the new challenges that comes with this new job and life.

With these changes come new obstacles, chances and new relationships as well. Dynamics of old relationships will be changed too, an unavoidable fact of life. It is strange and disorienting to see your close friends turn to total strangers and vice versa when you make changes to your life. Should I allow the change? Or hold fast to old loyalties even if some of them has become destructive? Well I guess when deciding things like that we need God's guidance. Some people are meant to stay with you for a season while others are meant to stay with you for life.

And of course, with all changes there will be friction and strains in relationships. Maybe because my friends think that i am making mistakes in my decisions or doing something wrong and are angry at me for being so dumb. In the mists of that, hurtful and unnecessary things are said and stupid things are done. All I have to say is this. I have recently been on the receiving end of a very hurtful comment and a foolish thing was done without my prior knowledge that affected me very personally. All these were done by friends that I did not expect would do or say stuff like that. It hurts, it really does.

No doubt my friends are well meaning enough to show their concern but come on guys, I don't need you to tell me what I should do. I just need your support. If anything, just showing your support would take less effort than the things you guys have done so far so I am sure it is not too much to ask. No judgements, no lectures, just friendship, that is all I ask

Actions

I must express my disappointment with actions of certain Christians that tried an undercover coup of a certain women's social rights group in Singapore. Why did they do that? Well, because they felt that the group was trying too hard to drive a homosexual agenda. Although there is no doubt about what God says about homosexuals and how the Singapore society feels about them so keep that in mind while I make a few points.

Firstly, any student of Christian history or any Christian for that matter should learn a huge gigantic lesson when looking back into our Christian heritage. POLITICS AND RELIGION DON'T MIX!!!! I am not entirely sure what they tried to accomplish but I thank God that it was put to a stop.

Secondly, I was quite taken aback by the manner they tried to takeover. It was planned carefully and with cunning. My guess is that they secretly hope that no one will realise what they were doing before it was too late. I just have one question. Is that the way we Christians should behave?

Lastly, if we really want to promote what we feel are good family values. We should PROVE they are good and they benefit mankind as a whole. How can we justify that our values are the best when half of heterosexual relationships fail? Or when normal families also can be abusive or dysfunctional? It is only natural that people will try to look for a better way. Come on guys, if we really feel that our Christian values are the values that work, lets prove it. No need to take over a social rights group to prove a point. It will only damage what we are trying so hard to achieve

Desafinado

Desafinado mean "out of tune"

If you say my singing is off key, my love
You would hurt my feelings, don't you see, my love
I wish I had an ear like yours, a voice that would behave
All I have is feeling and the voice God gave
You insist my music goes against the rules
Yes, but rules were never made for lovesick fools
I wrote this song for you don't care
It's a crooked song, ah, but my heart is there
The thing that you would see if you would play the part
Is even if I'm out of tume I have a gentle heart
I took your picture with my trusty Rolleiflex
And now all I have developed is complex
Possibly in vain, I hope you weaken, oh my love
And forget those rigid rules that undermine my dream of
A life of love and music with someone who'll understand
That even though I may be out of tune when I attempt to say
How much I love you all that matters is the message that I bring,
Which is, my dear, I love you

30th April

Come 30th April, the gloves are off... It is going to be make it or break it. Lets pray that I make it

Random Thoughts

There is a fine line between asking for more and being content with what you have. When is it appropriate to ask for more and when it is prudent to be content? Is it too much to leave your job just because you are not satisfied with it? Especially now when a job is so hard to get.

I mean, who cares about job satisfaction, I’ve financial obligations and I need the monthly salary, money does not grow on trees you know. So I will work just for the pay and jump ship the moment I have something better. This begs the question, is such an existence worth living? Where is that sense of life? Are we really created to do things like that? What is the point?

Some would say we have to be pragmatic, things don’t always work out the way we want. We all have ideas about what our life should be and it is normal to fall short (really?). Because reality will creep in with loan repayments, mortgages, insurance and a whole lot of other stuff we need that requires money and we need to work for money. And that is how things get complicated.

I guess it boils down to what we work for. Some work to support the family they love, even if the job sucks they will stick with it because they are working for their families, that is a good reason. Some work to fulfill their dreams, whether it is earning lots of money, buying that dream car or home, those reasons are valid too. Some of these people will work even though they do not enjoy it because the money is good and they can get the things they want. Then what is my reason? Is that asking for too much to work for a reason other than money?

My guess is that most people will say, “yes.” They might say that I am being too idealistic. I should appreciate what I have, there are lots of people much worse off than me and that I am being too greedy, I should be happy to have a job in the first place. So where do we draw the line? How is the balance struck between ambition and pragmatism? Were you expecting an answer? Or at least my point of view? I don’t have one. Read the title :P. I am still trying to figure this shit out. Life is full of difficult decisions, that is what makes it so “fun.” God help me

Logic

Logic has always been a mistress with very little compromise. We are bounded by it. It dictates our actions, our motives even our likes and dislikes. No matter how crazy or sensible a person’s logic is, the person will stick to it to the very end. Don’t believe me? Just take a look at the Islamic terrorist that blow themselves up, they might seem crazy to you but rest assure that it is their stone cold logic that guides their actions. In short, blowing themselves up with dozens of other people makes perfect sense to them.

Logic would dictate that in times of economic crisis, people will try their best to hold on to their jobs with all the retrenchments going on. They would try to ride out the storm before looking for better opportunities out there when things begin to pick up. They would refrain from overly risky investments in light of a volatile market. It makes perfect sense does it not? I can understand why this logic appeals to most people, it is the safe and responsible thing to do.

Unfortunately, I do not go by such a logic, and as stated above, I have very little room for compromise. With things going on in my company, the logical thing for me to do (as I see it) is to leave even if I don’t have a job offer at the moment. On top of that, I am sinking some of my savings into an investment that has considerable risks with no guaranteed return. Sometimes, I really think that I have lost my marbles, but I don’t think I have a choice in the matter because I think that it is the logical thing to do. Logic need not be sane.

Of course the logical Christian thing to do is to pray about it and look for God’s guiding light, but I believe I don’t need a “burning bush” moment for every decision I make in life. Sometimes you just have to do it when it feels right. But this will beg the question, “what happens if it all falls apart?” Do I expect God to bail me out? I would answer, “No.”

One of the thing I am honestly quite fed up with is what I call the “human sense of entitlement.” We believe that just because of who we are, we are entitled to certain benefits. For example, just because we are a citizen of a certain country, we are entitled to free medical care or social safety nets even if it costs the government billions of dollars and hurting the economy. In truth, we are entitled to nothing. We were born in the world naked, we leave naked. What we want in the world, we must earn and deserve. Sad to say, this is true even for love. But how does God fit into this you might ask.

Well… God is sovereign, He has free will to choose what to do. Hypothetic speaking, if God chose not to send Christ to die for us, it is entirely within His right. My point is that although God can choose to bail us out when we run into trouble, we cannot assume that we are entitled to it just because we are a Christian. God in His sovereignty might choose to allow us to fall. Sound pretty bleak doesn’t it, but I cannot assume that I will walk my Christian walk without some bumps and bruises. That would be illogical.

So the conclusion of the matter is this. Humans can’t live without logic in this world, no matter how insane or sensible the logic sounds, or even if it is based on a lie. But no matter what I do, I know one thing. God did send His Son to die for me, even though I was grossly undeserving of such an act. Logically, it would be difficult to take something like that for granted. That is logic that I can abide by.