Clazziquai - Dance

My good friend Stanley has just introduced me to this band. Saying that they are good might be an understatement. :) Enjoy!

Church Disagreements

I don’t think it is wise to write all these down here, but I have to vent and it is my blog after all. So I feel I have the right to vent here. But I fear I might influence the people who read this in a negative way so I think it is wise for me to put a disclaimer. In this post, I will be critical of the church as an institution and its leadership. If you feel uncomfortable with the topic in any way you should stop reading now. For all the non-Christians out there reading this now, I hope you understand that this is not how it was suppose to be. But we humans have a nasty habit of screwing things up.

Okay, so here goes.

The end of the year is upon us again, time for us to take stock of our experiences and the lessons we have learnt. One of the major lessons I have learnt is a sad one. For me, things in church have deteriorate to an extent that makes it very difficult to repair, I truly feel very tired and jaded not to mention very disappointed. I have always taken the church “party line” when it comes to people who leave church. I have always believed that those people are seduced by the world, taken in by the all that it offers. These church leavers have “backslided” they have crossed over to the dark side. Now I am beginning to think that that is not the case anymore.

Recent personal experiences and experiences shared by my church friends have changed my point of view. Although I acknowledge that there are people to leave church that are “seduced by the world.” I feel that there are others the church has willfully pushed away. The scary thing is that it seems to be done in a manner similar to a premeditated murder. There seems to be a plan to it, an overall agenda to be fulfilled and a reason why the person being pushed away does not fit into the agenda. Either because they disagree with the leadership of the church or for other reasons I cannot begin to fathom.

Disagreements in church and among the Christian community are a dime a dozen. If Martin Luther did not disagree with the catholic establishment about the selling of indulgences, I will not be here writing this post. The question is to what extend do we allow these disagreements to form bitterness, anger and division within the church. We are all now bible reading educated Christians, we read the bible ourselves, form our own opinions and have valid biblical concerns about certain issues within the church. Differences of opinions are sure to abound, so what do we do?

When there is a disagreement will the leadership of the church quietly “spirit away” the disagreeing party or will they hear their concerns? Will those that are not happy with the church choose the proper forum to air their concerns? I might be taking the analogy a bit far but I see the things happening in my church right now as nothing better than one of Stalin’s Great Purges. That is why I am turned off, because the church has become no better than the world. I see good people leaving the church, those that really love God but are turned off by the church. What makes it worse is that due to the circumstances surrounding my church. These are the people that decided to stay and stick it out with the church in these tough times (people in my church should know what I mean) and the same church is pushing these people away just because they disagree with how certain things are. Thus creating bitterness, anger and I would go as far as to say a certain sense of betrayal

So the conclusion is this, if my church leadership wants a “yes pastor” kind of congregation then I think I am in the wrong church. A church that does not listen to its people… well that is a misnomer really. A church should be supportive of its people and listen, especially if it is about the future of the church and their concerns are valid. A church should attract all kinds of Christians even those that question the leadership. A church should not turn Christians off, I guess that is my point, if even Christians get turn off from church then how about the non-Christains we are trying to reach out to? Food for thought.

Intermission

I know I have not updated for a long time, I apologise.

A lot of things have changed and I am still trying to pull my thoughts together.

Will update soon I promise.

Cheers :)

Eugene

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

:)

Wonderful World

There is nothing remarkable about the above video. Just a woman with a great voice singing a classic. But what if you knew full well that you only have mere months to live because of cancer, would you still sing about how "wonderful" the world is? Not only just sing it, but sing it with such conviction.

The woman in the video is dead, she died of cancer. She sang that song knowing full well of her cancer and the mere months she has still to live. It takes something special to sing the song the way she did and in her state of health. Really sets you thinking doesn't it.

P.S. Her name is Eva Cassidy

Religulous

This is something I am looking forward to watch, it created quite a buzz over the net. I have long said to friends and on this blog that when you want to share the gospel to someone, you can't simply push the bible into his or her face. If you do that you will just look stupid and ridiculous. Worse still, you will look like a religious bigot. I believe that this upcoming documentary will prove this point resoundingly.

We need God's help to evangelise, even more so in this post-modern world where the sense of religious fatigue and cynicism is growing ever so strong. Trust me, even I as a christian am not immune to the effects of this. This burden is something I simply can't do anything about. God help me.

Unpopular?

There are some things I feel convicted by God to do but have never dare to do because I am afraid, or because it is the unpopular thing to do. The reason I am afraid is because I fear might stray away from Him, I might just make that fatal mistake without knowing it. It is very easy to say that just because it is a conviction from God the answer is very straight forward. There is always a cost to be counted with these things and one should never under-estimate the fear of uncertainty.

Should I commit myself to do this thing I feel convicted to do, it will change the dynamics of my faith to a great extent but I feel it will bring me closer and more equipped to act on the burdens I feel God has placed in my heart. But it is not without pitfalls, it is a road filled with dangers, dangers that I feel are beyond me. Yet I feel the most beautiful part of this situation is that the choice is entirely mine. It is not a command or an order, I have to make the decision using my own free will. I pray I will make the right one

Max Payne

I have been playing computer games for quite long now. The violence and gore of some of the games I have played have never disturb or fazed me, neither has any of the social life killing RPG games. That is until I played "Max Payne" and the sequel "The Fall Of Max Payne". It is not the most violent, neither is it the lengthiest. But the story and the premise of the game did shake me up a little.

It is about a cop named Max Payne. His entire family was kill and he was framed for the murder of one of his friends, a fellow police officer. After which he goes on a rampage to kill the people responsible taking no prisoners along the way. When they announced that they were making a movie out of the game, I thought they were going to reduce it to one of those "gun porn" rubbish. But I was wrong. After watching the trailer, I felt that it still retains its edge and darkness.

All of us has a dark side, I believe that Max Payne (the game and hopefully the movie) most accurately portrays what will happen if it were to be let loose to its full extent. I guess that is why it disturb me so. Anyway I hope you enjoy the trailer, it is definitely a must watch for me. Anybody want to join me?

North Sea Jazz Festival

Here is Silje Nergaard, live at the North Sea Jazz fesvital with the Tord Gustavsen Trio. Good stuff. Enjoy!

Brutal Honesty

I don't know why, but I especially inspired this week. 3 posts in 4 days is a new high for me considering that sometimes I only post once a fortnight or worse. One of my ex cell group leaders taught me something that made a lot of sense to me. He said that only when you are brutally honest with yourself then you can figure out where you actually are in life. I recently did one of those brutally honest assessments of my life and figured out a few things.

I started by asking myself a few questions then answering them as honest as I can and this is what I came up with.

1.How is life for me in general?

Things have been going well on the whole and I feel truly blessed. The job has been going well although things on my family side has hit a few bumps. But I believe it is nothing I can't handle through God's grace. People who are close to me will know about the uniqueness of my family and I believe that there is a certain strength in that.

2. How are things with God?

Well the forecast here is not as rosy as the one above unfortunately. Really struggling to meet His standards and follow His word. As for His will in my life, I am really making it up as I go along. Step by step, things always seem to work out in the end and for His glory. I guess I can appreciate the beauty in that.

3. How are things in church?

Now this is where it starts to go downhill. I really have lost my faith in the church as an institution for christians. Going into the reasons might require another post in this blog or more so I won't waste your time. Cell group has also not been going well for me. If you guys happen to hear me say that cell group was ok... I lied. Mainly because I did not want to influence anybody but also to sound polite. But since I have decided to be honest about this I guess I really do owe you this confession and my apologies.

I asked myself many other questions like further studies, dreams to be fulfilled etc... but that is another story. The reason I am sharing this now is because I feel a lot of people are caught up in the moment and really do lack perspective in their lives. Much like what I have experienced recently.

So I am sharing about how I get my perspective, a reality check of sorts. It gives me a guide about what I should do next, what steps to take. Other people might have some other way of doing it. But I believe we have nothing to lose and it will do us good in the end.

What Might Have Been

A door left ajar
Lets whispering from afar
Breath live into a dream of me and you

I will the spark to die
But still it lights my eye
Still makes me feel that this alone is real

And though I know it, I dare not show it
Or let this madness make a kill
By dwelling on what might have been
Or giving sadness space to fill
I will balance on the edge awhile
But won’t fall in

I will retrace every step
I ever run or tread
Hoping I will see
What is bleeding me

And when I know it, I won't show it
Or let this madness make a kill
By dwelling on what might have been
Or giving sadness space to fill
I will balance on the edge awhile
But won’t fall in

Mike Mcgurk

Flight Of The Conchords

I guess its been a long time since I posted a video here. So here's one! It is a band called "Flight Of The Conchords" with their runaway hit "Business Time." Yes it is full of sexual innuendo, but please just let your hair down and develop a sense of humor, we are all adults right? We should be able to take it. Enjoy! Tell me what you think.

Going Green

I believe most people have the wrong idea when they decide to go green, based on the recent articles I have read on the Forum pages of the local newspaper, they all think that it is going to be cheaper. I am referring to the recent complaints be people to convert their vehicles to run on CNG. CNG or Compressed Natural Gas is suppose to burn cleaner so it is better for the environment, it is also cheaper too since it is not as high as current oil prices. But recently there have been complaints about how the thing will be more costly in the long run or how it is not exactly cheap in the first place.

Even if going green ends up being cheaper, I believe it is not the right way to think about such things. Think about how expensive solar panels are and how power saving bulbs actually cost more when you buy them. If you think hybrid cars are cheaper, think again. There is extra cost involved to maintain 2 engines instead of 1. Plus I believe spare parts for the electric engine are not going to be cheap.

Unfortunately, I guess people will not make a lifestyle change unless there is something good in it for them. But is this the way we should look at this issue? I believe that if one wants to go green, they should not expect anything in return. It is something you commit to because you are doing something good for the earth even if it ends up costing you more. Sounds self-righteous and idealistic? Well I believe it is the attitude and the way you approach the subject.

The purpose for going green is to preserve this planet nothing more, nothing less. If it ends up being cheaper all the better for you, it is a bonus, not an entitlement. A lot of people get turned off because even if they are doing it, there is a vast majority of people who aren’t. Why should they put in the extra effort and cost? All I can say is we should not care about what other people are doing. Never underestimate the power of one man/woman. You can be the difference maker.

I guess all I am trying to say is this. Go green for the sake of going green, to make the world a better place. Not just because it will give you a temporary benefit. Sounds too idealistic? Well everything starts from ideals.

Next!

Ha! Its been quite long since my last post. Really don't have much to say, everything in my life is now either pending or on hold. All I can do now is pray and hope for the best. The next big thing I can think of personally is my job confirmation, which will be on the first week of September. Time really does fly.

Although the next logical step is to accept the confirmation, I really feel prompted to pray about it. I guess it is a form of discipline, seeking God even though the answer is more or less what I expect. Or it could be something else altogether, who knows? All I know is this, I cannot get too comfortable with whatever phase I am going through in my life because God does have a way of yanking the carpet right from under you.

Each day I live, I live at His mercy. Everything I do, I do with His strength. Everytime I fall, I fall on His grace. Everytime I love, I love with His love. I really do hope and pray I and live and demostrate these traits in my life. The news coming out from church and home are far from encouraging, I really do need Him now

Enough

The hardest lesson that a christian has to learn is that God allows bad things to happen to us. The very people he claims to love. How we react to it says a lot about us as christians. Things are not going well ever since I made a commitment to stay in RCC.

I grossly dislike the way that I was transferred to my new cell group. Things I hear from my church friends are not encouraging as well as other personal stuff that is happening. Details that I will not go into. I am really discouraged by the combination of things that are happening. I do not have doubts, I am frustrated that I have been led to such a state. It is hard to see God's sovereignty in times like this, hard to see that I can contribute any good to the entire situation because it simply turns me off.

The position I am in now creates more problems than it sovles, but the frustrating thing was that I did not put myself in this position. I was pushed into it by circumstances beyond my control. I was defenseless, no chance to voice my two cents worth either because I felt that God did not want me to or that I was simply powerless to let my voice be heard.

I am not in this position be choice and I demand to know why!

But in the mists of my moaning, I got reminded about someone who was in much deeper shit than me but still demanded much less. No, I am not talking about the typical china man that will work twice as hard with half the pay ;) I am talking about Job. When Job suffer disaster after disaster, he was frustrated. He could not figure out what on earth he could have done for God to treat him like that. He did in fact ask for an explaination from God and he had every right to. But......

Did God give it? No.

Did Job complain? No.

Job recognized that in whatever shit he was going through all he needs is God's presence with him. No need for vindications, explanations or apologies. No need for God to bring justification and judgment to my enemies, no need to slap people with gloves to "demand satisfaction"(some of you will know what I mean. Haha!). All I need is God's presence with me.

But currently, is God's presense enough for me? Sadly no. Being human I still demand to know the how and why of things. But I am really learning and trying to make it enough, trying to accept God's sovereign hold on my life. It is a lesson I will never stop learning.

Cell Group Muscial Chairs

They say that change is the only constant in this world. I lost my faith in cell groups for a time, I thought that they were a waste of time quite honestly, I thought that they were just a social exercise. "Calvary" (which is my current cell group) restored my faith in cell groups. I found myself being able to contribute and draw strength from the experiences of my cell group mates who thankfully don't give "model answers" to questions posed to them. If I wanted "model answers" I have the Bible for that.

But I would be a fool to think such an arrangement would last. Things change and we must change with it. But will my new cell group be good for me? Is this a change for the better? My feelings are mixed to be honest. I feel apprehensive most of all, my better judgment is pulling me back. But I think I know better than to trust my better judgment ;) and since I can't see beyond the way things seem to be. We shall see.

The New Job

I know an update about my new job is on the cards, I just wanted some time to pass on my new job in order to form an opinion I can share. Things are pretty much going well in the office. I have helpful colleagues, a good working environment and a healthy pace of working. I am also cycling to work now on a bike I just bought and in case those bike fanatics are wondering... I bought a Cannondale. I figured that it will save me money in the long run, as long as my working place remains in the east area.

That being said, I am really out of my comfort zone here. Although I welcome the relative "desk-boundness" of the job (it is a good change for now), everything is still quite alien to me. I have never worked in a big office context before. Everybody seems to have their own specific roles whereas in my old job, I did everything. So when I have done my part of a job, handing it over to another person makes me feel uneasy, like the job is incomplete. So I guess it is something I have to adjust to and improve my people to people relations because now I need other people's help to get the job done.

And that is just one of the many things I have to get used to, it would take time but God-willing, I will be able to see it through. Really taking it as a learning experience. Oh and by the way, in case anybody is scoffing at me because I welcome a desk-bound job now, let me just say that 2 years of extreme travelling would make anybody want a desk-bound job. I want to give this job time, I believe God has something planned for me here. Maybe in the future I might just want to satisfy my wanderlust again, who knows? :)

Now And Then

Now and then behind the rows
Of pearly teeth and fashion clothes
She sees them in the mirror-tiles
Trying on their latest smiles
Light and warmth from spotlight beams
Convincing them their nightmare is a dream

Now and then when they're at rest
Flocked in sleep in cuckoos' nests
Feeling safe no need to hide
She opens doors and windows wide
And poised upon her painted claws
She stretches out her gaudy wings and soars

Far away
Borne by the wind
She roams the sky
No one to say ... too low ... to high
Or count the lonely miles that she has flown
This world is hers alone

But then again behind the rows
She feels the piercing looks of those
Who watch her every move in case
She happens to forget her place
Who sum her up ... deny her flight
Aim their words and shoot her down on sight

Far away
Borne by the wind
She roams the sky
No one to say ... too low ... too high
Or count the lonely miles that she has flown
This world is hers alone

Silje Nergaard

My Place

I would be lying if I said that recent events in my church have not affected my faith. But I guess it depends on what you based your faith on. Although I am critical of the institution we call the church, I take no pleasure in seeing it crumble. Especially if it crumbles at the very hands of the christians supporting it.

Whatever it is, I place my faith in God that He will not fail me. I know that my place is in the church, the support for my calling is also in the church. Despite my misgivings about the church there is no denying that God is in it, working to improve it and calling me to contribute. My place right now is at RCC.

I will not judge those who decide to leave, some of them are my close friends and they have my full support. The rabbi Gamaliel taught me a very good and simple lesson, that if something is of human origin, it will fail. If it is from God, whatever you do will not stop them. So I will not try to stop them, in fact I wish them all the best. For me, friendships transcend even church loyalties.

I want to keep my faith simple, I do not want whatever church politics and human elements to complicate the matter. In the words of DC-Talk,

" To see Thee more clearly, to love Thee more dearly, to follow Thee more nearly"

That is my desire. If God wants me to move, He himself will tell me. My faith in Him is all that guides me. It has not failed me so far, the results speaks for itself if you have read my previous posts.

But enough of this bullshit, I think we have wasted enough time in this matter. It is time to move on and work towards the fulfillment of God's plan, itsn't that what the church is all about?

Reservist

There is an attitude that my CSM during my NS days always tried to cultivate in us. It is called the "do it once, do it good" attitude. When shit is thrown at you, you can bitch and moan about how you dislike it. But at the end of the day as long as you suck it up and do it well, it will not bother you again or at least for a time and you only have to do it once. Instead of mucking about or trying to avoid it, in which case it will not stop bothering you.

I think this applies for the in-camp training I just had and the ones to follow in the years to come. Going back to the commandos was a reality check for me and most of my mates. My perception of reservist is having IPPT, some light outfield and some refresher training and boy was I wrong. But come to think of it, it is the commandos... how easy do I think it was going to get?

But putting all that into perspective, I have seen the utter professionalism of my company mates and especially my team mates. Although they are doing things that they dislike, they still made the effort to contribute and do it well. Each time I am with them in the field, what I learnt much much more than what I contributed and I really do admire and applaud them for that. Thanks for the memories guys! Until we meet again!

click on the picture for a clearer view

Hope

Just an update on the job front. I found one! And it is rather near my house as well... and it is a five day week job, so now my Saturdays are free. But truth be told, I am actually quite surprised that I got the job because I felt that I did not do very well in the interview and the job scope is quite different from my present job so my experience doesn't really apply to the position they had open.

But they were willing to give me a chance to take on the challenge. That means that I am once again out of my comfort zone. This will hopefully give me opportunities to learn and let God more into my life.

So, barring any surprises I should be starting on it next month after my reservist training. I really have to thank God for this small mercy because I really did not want to idle around unemployed after my reservist training and He has really came through for me by getting me this job. Now I pray that I am up to the challenge.

In Camp

I will have me reservist training next week, so might not be able to blog then. In to get back in shape soon. In these two years of civilian life, I have been getting lazy, fat and slow. So I guess next month it would be one down six more cycles to go. Eat that infantry!!! hahahahahaha!!!

Just So You Know

When I told people that I have resigned and the reason for doing so, some people just assume that just because I dared to do it, I had a backup plan. They say things like, "Aiyah, cause you got money wat, can do wat you want..." or "you young wat, got no obligations..." or worse of all "I not as "siao sa" (Chinese for suave and daring, I think) as you, say leave means leave."

Let me first say that I got no backup plan, no lack of obligations and least of all not "siao sa." If I was "siao sa", wouldn't girls be all over me now? :) And I am definitely definitely not rich. If I was rich, I would not be working in the first place to save money for my further studies. As far as I am concerned, those comments are the most idiotic I have ever heard.

It was a huge struggle to quit, it took monumental effort to make my stand and to go against my "better earthly judgment" and the urge to look after my rice bowl. I am scared about what is going to happen after all this. I am concerned, worried and I have no idea what I am going to do next. All I know despite everything is that it just had to be done and it was bloody difficult doing it. So please do not cheapen my efforts with your idiotic comments.

On the flip side, my family and cell group has been supportive. My grandmother who was initially opposed to me resigning told me recently that it was the better choice, my mum showed me her typical silent support. I guess she is convince that I know what I am doing and that God is somehow guiding me. My cell group has been praying for me and the level of concern they have showed me is astounding. If you are reading this blog, Thanks guys! I guess I just have to seek God and His love will erase every fear.

So in conclusion, I am truly thankful to all of the people who have been supportive of my decision and I thank God for putting all of you in my life. But to those few people who made those idiotic comments, you can call me stupid, dumb, stone cold nuts or whatever expletive you can think of. I can take all of that, but keep those idiotic comments to yourself. I don't suffer fools gladly.

The Beachcomber

Lead me to the sand and sea
Sit awhile beside and I won't mind
Wait until the tide has turned
To see what's left behind

Then I'll search for things to save
Wake me if I'm dreaming
And If all I've planned starts
Streaming through my fingers
Out of hand... grain of sand.

Let the man that I'll become
Dare to walk the shoreline
and to ride the wave
Let the ocean show its might
But leave me feeling brave

When all else is washed from sight
Wake me if I'm dreaming
And If all I've planned starts
Streaming through my fingers
Out of hand... grain of sand.

Never let me hide away
In caves and shun the light of day
Let the waters gently steer
Me to my moorings far from fear
So I might come to comb this beach
Seeing what my eye can reach
And knowing that a heart can open here

Lead me to the sand and sea
Sit awhile beside and I won't mind
Wait until the tide has turned
To see what's left behind

Mike Mcgurk

No Turning Back

Yup, I have resigned. The last day will be near the end of this month. Guessing I will not be travelling abroad for work in at least the next few months and I definitely will not miss Jakarta, horrible place. I like to define Jakarta as a teacher I love to hate in school. I would love to forget her but her lessons are important and applicable and her influence on me, undeniable.

My job as a whole has also taught me about how the world at large works and taught me a little about myself also. When I told some of my friends and family that I resigned and the reason I did so, they all said that I should at least get a new job first before I resign. Well that would be the logical thing to do wouldn't it? Well I guess then I am not that logical... at least with regards to this matter. I want to enjoy my work and be able to sleep peacefully at night and not worry because my work has run foul of the law, whether it is God's laws or the laws of any country.

I guess that is more important than any salary or position because ultimately it is not my boss I am accountable to. It is God. So, whether I made the right decision or not is still up for debate. After tendering my resignation I felt a certain peace and my burdens lifted from me and recent events in my company has convinced me more and more that it is the correct choice. But the most important question remains...

Did I do what God wanted me to do?

Guess I will never know until the end but one thing is for sure. There is no turning back now.

Happiness

The forefather of the USA were quite a smart bunch of people. They were quite the forward thinkers of their time. They recognized that in a modern society, religion has no place in the running of a country or in politics for that matter even though some of them were extremely religious. This resulted in the separated of church and state which was a totally alien concept at that time. Yes we can argue that this was not always practiced in American history but the idea was ultimately a good one. It brought much progress to the country without the usual "religio-political" entanglements that the countries during that time had to deal with. In their wisdom they decided they religion had no part in politics and vice-versa.

But perhaps the best and most radical statement made by the founding fathers of the US was the right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" and that "all men are created equal under God." Even going to the extent of holding those truths to be self evident.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. "

These statements are found in the American Declaration Of Independence and from my point of view can be divided into two parts. The first part is about the right to life, liberty and the equality of all men. It means that a man's life is his standard of value and it is his country's duty to protect him and his freedoms. Nobody can force a man to do something he doesn't want to do. Period. Unless he has broken the laws of the land. The laws of the land must also be crafted in a way that forbids any entity (corporations, companies, people etc...) to take a man's freedom and security away. It must be fair, balanced and unbiased for justice to be done not tyrannical.


Keep in mind that among the group of people that came up with these ideas, some of them were slave owners. Why would they come up with such ideas and open themselves up to accusations of double standards? Why don't just abolish slavery right away? I guess they thought that such ideas were too radical for people of that time to accept, but it still had to be proclaimed because it was the right thing to do, they perhaps also did it in the hope that future generations would fulfill it. Think about it, it took a civil war to abolish slavery in the US. Martin Luther King Jr. lost his life while fighting for equal rights for African Americans. So perhaps they had a point.

But even these ideas had their limit. And the founding fathers of the US seem to accept that as well. Although life, liberty and equality must be guaranteed to you, happiness is not. It must be pursued. Imagine that. Although you are guaranteed everything needed to live a good life under such a declaration, happiness is not one of them. This begs the question. Are you happy? Have the things you pursued made you happy? If not, maybe you should try Jesus Christ. I did, and although life may not be smooth going for me by any standard. I am happy.

When Judy Falls

When Judy falls
The word goes out to one and all
When Judy falls
The whole world seems to heed her haunting call

And when she falls
It marks the start of spring
The air is filled with bird-song
And Nature sings along when Judy falls

When Judy falls
Her hopes are oh so high she's walking tall
And when she falls
She's hoping she's the apple of some eye

But if she falls in vain
We'll surely hear the sound
Of hopes that start to crumble
And silent birds that tumble to the ground

Love is always new
When Judy makes the rules and breaks them too
Love is never old
She doesn't wait around till hearts grow cold
She believes in weaving dreams
And nothing's ever what it seems
When Judy falls

But if she falls in vain
We'll surely hear the sound
Of hopes that start to crumble
And silent birds that tumble to the ground

Mike Mcgurk

Update

Just a little update on the situation. My chicken pox has come and gone, thank God that I came off relatively unscathed. And after the bribery thing in Indonesia, I am toying with the idea of resigning from my job sometime soon. Maybe it is for the best that I keep away from situations that will tempt me to do the wrong thing (aka pay a bribe or something or something like that). I learnt that from Joseph in the Bible, when he was being seduced by Potiphar's wife he ran away. So I guess I should run away as well.

I see this whole incident as a struggle between my morals (which is defined by my faith) and the morals of the world. I could make my life much easier by dropping my morals and just do what I am being tempted to do, which is a very attractive option. But I know doing it will destroy my faith, it is a dive downwards that will be very difficult to recover from and that is not what I need right now.

Now all that remains is gathering up the courage and strength to do it. Questions still remain in my mind on whether I am doing the right thing by God and what to do in the future. What job will I apply for? Will I even find a job on time if I were to leave? The financial impact on resigning is quite obvious. Some would say that I should trust God for my providence and that He will not leave me hanging if I was doing the right thing. But actually trusting Him is a whole different thing. I guess it is time to dive in. I pray that God will catch me.

Flight 7

There is a fine line that musicians have to draw when coming out with new material. They could go the experimental route or the tried and tested route. Both routes have their pitfalls, if you get too experimental you risk isolating your listeners and making them forget why they listen to you in the first place but going the tried and tested route will make you seem boring and dull, your fans would want to hear something new from you every once in a while.

I was worried that Paris Match had gone too far down the experimental route when I listened to their album titled "After Six." In it they focused on club sounds and electronica, the end result became way too "techno" for me. Other than one or two tracks that retained their unique style the rest of the album was well below par compared with their best work. I was worried, perhaps they have finally run out of ideas after so many albums. But I was to be proven wrong.

When my fellow "Paris Match kaki" told me that they had released a new album titled "Flight 7", I was getting ready to go to Japan so the timing was just right for me to go buy it. He also told me assuringly that they were back to their old style and after buying the album and listening to it, I totally agree.

The first track titled "Rainbow Puzzle" (roughly translated from Japanese) simply oozes charm, sophistication and technical brilliance through its Bossa-like beat and multi-melodic tunes. It simply just catches your attention and it serves as an excellent lead up to the rest of the album which is musically along the same lines. It is 100% old school Paris Match and then some.

Even after so many albums, they have shown no sign of fatigue or slowing down, they are still churning out material that are of the highest of musical standards in my book at least. All in all, "Flight 7" has reminded me why I liked their music in the first place and left me wanting for more.

Jam Brake

Falling sick twice in a month is never a good sign. But that was exactly what happened to me. First it was a case of food poisoning and how it is chicken pox. Maybe it is a sign that I have been pushing myself too much. Human bodies have a way of jamming your brakes when you choose not to do it yourself gently... and control your speed. The worse thing is that sometimes when your brakes get jammed, you might crash and burn. The damage could be permanent.

I guess I am lucky this time, provided I don't scratch too much to cause any permanent scarring. On the bright side it does give me time to get my thoughts in order. The perception I have about my job has been slowly changing these few months. I don't think my boss has my best interests in mind, or even any concern at all when i am oversea. In fact I am convinced he will gladly burn anyone(customers and employees included) to make the bottomline look a little prettier.

I made myself a promise at the start of my job that if my work interferes with my faith in anyway then I have to give up something and I now feel more pressure to live up to that promise than ever before. And looking at the current situation if really has, I find myself skipping church because I am coming back from overseas on a sunday and things like that. I find myself having to compromise on God's laws like with that bribery thing. One thing I know for sure though. Now is the time for action, not words

Japan Redux

Will be in Japan from today to 16th... Will be out of contact untill then... See you guys soon

Bribery

Firstly, I don't know if I would get into trouble for writing this but I have to be honest. I guess this blog is not high profile enough to cause much of an incident.

Friends of mine would know that I travel a lot for my work. Most of my travels brings me to Indonesia, Jakarta more specifically. I don't mind the travelling as I am learning a lot from the experience but recently, my staff in Indonesia has been having in-runs with the local authorities there who, for lack of a better word, are asking for bribes. Thank God I have not had a personal run-in with them because if they know that a Singaporean is "running the shop" (so to speak), they would be even more determined and might even ask for a higher amount.

I would be very naive not to know how business works there or anywhere similar for that matter. It is almost a way of life down there. The gears of the economy there are really lubricated by "kopi money." But I had never thought about how I would act in the face of this with regards to God's laws.

My initial reaction was that paying the bribe would be wrong, bribery is against the law in any country and the Bible teaches us to respect the leaders and the laws of the lands we live in. But if I would stand firm then they will not leave my company alone, paying them off would ensure that they will leave my company alone, at least for a time.

My close friend told me, "it is not like you are paying them to hurt someone, that would be wrong. You are paying them to leave you alone, nobody gets hurt and no one is worse off in the end." Sounds like a convincing argument because if this drags on, I am worried about the well being of the staff in the Indonesian office because they will be continually harassed. In fact, there seems to be a "greater good" to gain by indulging in the "lesser evil."

Looking inward, all these events seemed to have revealed another side of my boss to me. He has always assured me that I had his support and backing in Indonesia and I have always took his word for it. But when asking for advice on this matter, I felt whatever trust I had in him and the way he runs his business erode. Furthermore, when digging into the way my travelling was arranged, I find myself not having the peace of mind to continue as I once was. Is it time to leave? Or should I face these challenges head on. I pray that God will help and guide me, give me the strength to carry on and to uphold His laws in the process.

Stuck

I was stuck in the Jakarta airport for about 5 hours last friday because of the flood. Nearly did not make it for my cell group's "reunion dinner" back in Singapore even. In fact, I called my cell group leader and told him that I might not be able to make it and he said, "nevermind, we will pray." Well the prayer worked and I ended up being the first one there.

There is much not to like about Jakarta, the city floods at a mere sight of a drizzle, the traffic jams are the worst I have ever seen and don't get me started on the police and the authorities there cause I might say something I might regret. But still, I feel that I have learnt a most precious lesson there.

Jakarta is a REAL city with REAL problems. While we Singaporeans make a big fuss about how some "major" MRT hiccup got us to work late, the people in Jakarta sometimes drive for hours everyday throught jam after jam just to get to work and add to that the frequent floods, roads inaccessible, poor air quality and a flawed public transport system. Even the president's motorcade was not spared from the floods on friday.

I have learnt to except the city for what it is and not what it should be. During my time spent there, I can almost feel it saying, "take me for what I am, if not get lost." Jakarta makes no illusion about what it is, there is no image or facade it must uphold. It is honest.

It is such an honesty I feel is lacking in my christian life, I lack the courage to display my imperfections to people or to tell them something is wrong in my life. I lack the guts to share about my failing convictions, about the lines I have drawn between right and wrong blurring and about the increasing difficulty I have practising the teachings of God in this fallen world. I am sick of the image I must maintain just because I am christian. I AM HUMAN!!! I AM FLAWED!!! Why don't people just get it?

I feel as though I have sinned just solely on the account of being human and displaying my human traits because I am judged by a higher standard. But even with the help of Christ I am bound to stumble sometimes. If you are not inclined to give me a listening ear then at least give me a break.

Landslide

Took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and i turned around
And I saw my reflection
In the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky...
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too

Take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down

Stevie Nicks

Imperfection

Okay... I know the title of this post isn't very positive especially since this is the start of the new year, but I have my reasons. Let me post this scenario to you, suppose a friend that you knew for some time already pulled you aside and told you that he cannot stop drinking or gambling etc... If you want to push it to the logical extreme, maybe this guy friend you know comes up to you and tells you he keeps having sexual fantasies about men. How would you react?

Would you tell this friend of yours that he/she will burn in hell? Would you start to shake you head from side to side in that "holier than thou" attitude and start throwing bible verses at him/ her? Or will you identify yourself with him/her? After all we have all sinned and have struggled with certain issues in our life. I mean... in God's eyes sin is sin, it does not matter what sin... right?

I spent the dying days of 2007 reflecting on this issue because of a book I read. It is called "Church. Why bother?" by Philip Yancey. In it Philip Yancey shared the story of an alcoholic friend of his. When he(Philip) asked his friend what he needs the most when he feels tempted to go back to the bottle, his friend answered, "I need a sinner to be there for me, not a saint that will tell me what to do."

I found that answer refreshing and good, not to mention quite true. During the course of my Christian life, I have shared my struggles with various leaders only to be talked down to with phrases that starts with, "you should do..." and ends with "cause the Bible says..."

I firmly believe that Christians (esp. Christian leaders) have been taught to display perfection and infallibility so much so that we keep all our imperfections to ourselves. But is this healthy? Coming from a world where the church focuses on testimonies where God was faithful, life is perfect and I am the "happiest person in the world." It is no surprise no one comes up and confesses that he/ she is a alcoholic or a gambling addict. Honestly, I think we would all be shocked at such a testimony because it does not fit into the picture of the perfect church. I even think some of us would take effort to avoid him/her after that.

But here's a thought, how about sharing about how God gave you the strength to go through another day at the job you hate with colleagues you can't stand? Or sharing about how God gave you the resolve to stop gambling or drinking. Or stuff like that?

Okay, back to the point. The way I see it is this. We are all saved by the same grace, given to us (all be it undeserved) from the same God. Doesn't makes us all the same? So my new year's resolution is this, to be a "sinner" to offer a helping hand when my friends fall and not to be a "saint" and just point the "judgement finger."